shroomster
Bluelighter
Hi,
I haven't been to bluelight in ages.
But here I am, sober. I abused meth (drug of choice), heroin, cocaineand xtc heavily for about a decade. Some years and months heavier than others, and I managed to get clean a few months here and there, and sometimes longer if I was incarcerated or in rehab. I currently have about 9 months. AA, NA, SMART, and rehab didn't work for me in the long run. Rehab, IMO, was critical, however, because there is no way I could have gone through 6 months of continuous sobriety without a controlled environment, as I was out of my goddamn mind. I relapsed a few months later, but that was the real game changer for me, and if you'd like, I'll explain that later, but that's not why I made this thread.
I've come to a level of acceptance with my mental condition. I suffer from constant magical thinking, a shitty learning disability I developed from methamphetamine. I accept that it's something I'll have to live with (you reap what you sew), but goddamn is it frustrating. I'm just not the same person I was before I used, and because of my use, I hit a wall with a level of thinking. I am seemingly incapable of critical thinking, and learning. I practice jiu jitsu, a hobby I picked up to help me stay clean (the only thing I found that works) and everyone is growing around me, and I still struggle with very fundamental elements of the sport. Up until I was 20 I was a sponge, but then I was introduced to that needle, and let me tell you friends, my brain has never been the same! I am also seemingly incapable of relating to my fellow man/women. I also hit a wall here. I've learned social skills and feel comfortable around people in certain environments, but again, I'll hit a wall I feel is impossible to overcome. I still spend 99 percent of time alone. I've gone 3 months without hanging with anyone with no feeling of loneliness or despair.
Ah shit, I'm rambling.
Can you relate?
I haven't been to bluelight in ages.
But here I am, sober. I abused meth (drug of choice), heroin, cocaineand xtc heavily for about a decade. Some years and months heavier than others, and I managed to get clean a few months here and there, and sometimes longer if I was incarcerated or in rehab. I currently have about 9 months. AA, NA, SMART, and rehab didn't work for me in the long run. Rehab, IMO, was critical, however, because there is no way I could have gone through 6 months of continuous sobriety without a controlled environment, as I was out of my goddamn mind. I relapsed a few months later, but that was the real game changer for me, and if you'd like, I'll explain that later, but that's not why I made this thread.
I've come to a level of acceptance with my mental condition. I suffer from constant magical thinking, a shitty learning disability I developed from methamphetamine. I accept that it's something I'll have to live with (you reap what you sew), but goddamn is it frustrating. I'm just not the same person I was before I used, and because of my use, I hit a wall with a level of thinking. I am seemingly incapable of critical thinking, and learning. I practice jiu jitsu, a hobby I picked up to help me stay clean (the only thing I found that works) and everyone is growing around me, and I still struggle with very fundamental elements of the sport. Up until I was 20 I was a sponge, but then I was introduced to that needle, and let me tell you friends, my brain has never been the same! I am also seemingly incapable of relating to my fellow man/women. I also hit a wall here. I've learned social skills and feel comfortable around people in certain environments, but again, I'll hit a wall I feel is impossible to overcome. I still spend 99 percent of time alone. I've gone 3 months without hanging with anyone with no feeling of loneliness or despair.
Ah shit, I'm rambling.
Can you relate?
. Succumbing to believing that you are what you will always be isn't going to help. The brain is able to repair itself beyond what you're able to believe so you will not always be this way.
