Benzos Anyone else been using benzos for 10+ years?

[skn]

I have, and I can't say I regret it. Sure the withdrawls are absolutely terrible, but as some do with heroin I can pace myself and not abuse it. I even have access to heroin and roxi, but they just give me a body high. I like the mental feeling of relaxation benzos provide me. I had a script for lorazepam and klonopin, then when my doctors started getting nosy I just started getting Xanax from my homeboys. Lately I've been using valium, which I'd have to say, with the muscle relaxant properties is very nice. You have to take a high dose though. Anyway, please share about your experience, positive or negative.

 

[DixiChik]

I have been scripted Ativan for almost 30 years, with no increase in dosage. It saved my life back then and continues to do so today.

 

[OntarioGuy]

I myself have had 2 seperate benzo habits, the first lasting about 2 years and the second lasting about 3 years with a 2 year diazepam taper.So not 10 years but it still really sucked.

Our fellow Bluelighter, and My very good friend in real life Thebaine82, was dependent on benzos for over 10 years, probably about 13 years. He went through hell and ended up commiting suicide while suffering severe xanax withdrawal.

Edit: my apologies, I accidentally wrote my friends username as Thebaine87, it's actually Thebaine82

 

[DixiChik]

OG...I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend.

I'm older than dirt @ 56, so I plan to take my Ativan for the rest of my life.

 

[thegunman]

I'm 31 been taking diazepam sine age 16 I only get 10 mg a day(70mg a week)so i run out i also get 7x 7.5mg zopiclone and find my self using the zopiclone in the day for anxiety It helps me as good as diazepam dose for anxiety I plan to carry on using.

RIP Thebaine82

 

[Jekyl Anhydride]

I've been taking alprazolam for 19 years. I was taking 2-3mg / day but the last three years I cut down to 1 1/2 mg per day. On the higher dosages I had to take it twice a day but for the last 3 years I do fine taking it once a day and don't notice any inter-dose anxiety or other problems. I still run out a day or two early and have to sometimes use soma or an opioid to help stave off the w/d. After two days it's pure hell though even at the low dose I'm at because of what I believe to be long term changes to my brain chemistry. I've had a doctor tell me that after 10-15 years it's almost impossible to quit and not have problems follow you for the rest of your life. If the zombie apocalypse hits, I'm going to hit the pharmacy first, then food & water supplies...


I think I can kind of relate to what Thebaine82 was going through. A decade ago I was very close to eating a bullet after 6 days of cessation. I don't think I would have made it to day 8.
RIP T82

 

[aspiringchemist]

I'm going on 3 years daily diazepam BID dosing. Not ten but long term daily use nonetheless.
it has done nothing but good for my life from day 1. The dose has been played with a few times but now it's dialed on and has been for 2 years.
I am an ex opioid/heroin addict and all around addict. No docs or psychs would give me a chance to try it and finally someone trusted me. Done wonders for my ability to function on a daily basis, work is better, I drink less, I'm in less pain. I could go on and on, but I gotta go to work!

I'll see you at the pharmacy

 

[skn]

DixiChik You don't notice any tolerance at all after 30 years? That's weird

OG sorry for the loss of thebaine, suicide is always the most devastating. I had two friends that od'ed and died on heroin and benzo combo. One I had known for like ten years. Opiods just kinda get boring to me after a while...not to mention you're talking like $2 a pill for benzos vs $10 a pill for opiods.

 

[Boku_]

I just started getting Xanax from my homeboys. Lately I've been using valium, which I'd have to say, with the muscle relaxant properties is very nice. You have to take a high dose though. Anyway, please share about your experience, positive or negative.

Most of my experiences of benzos have been positive to be honest if you can call being psychotic in a acute mental health wing a good thing but the floaty relaxing sensation from valium in low doses while having no tolerance was a life saver when changing my anti-psychotics medication regime.

I had my first benzo in a hospital back in 2002 and have been on them off and on right up to my last admission to the mental health wing back in 2015. I have no doubt that in a few years time i will require benzos again but going by previous visits i go 7 years without needing to visit hospital.

I won't lie i have used both valium and xanax for recreational use but in hind sight luckily the opportunity to get them weren't a long term thing. The first time i doctor shopped valium i meet a bloke at the pub who told me about a local doctor in my area who was in his 80's Chinese and would write scripts when requested for single repeats of 50 valium tablets. I saw this doctor a couple of times but it didn't last my mum found the bottle of tablets as i was taking 6-7 tablets a day and was walking around the house all un-coordinated and grogy. I had a mental health case manager at the time and he made sure the Chinese doctor knew not to prescribe them to me. It didn't really matter as that doctor shut down his clinic a few months later which was understandable as he was nearly 90 years old. I wish i had been more sensible and saved the valium for the times i would take pills or speed but maybe i dodged a bullet.

A few years after that i meet another bloke at the same pub i had know for awhile as being into various drugs and he was able to hook me up with a couple of xanax white handle bars that did make me feel good but tended to turn me into a benzo zombie that couldn't talk properly or walk straight. Lucky for me this guy was not reliable at all and had his own problems so i wasn't able to have a long term xanax habit I just tried xanax a couple of times and left my benzo use to hospital visits only.

I feel really lucky to have never developed a benzo addiction even if i sometimes use meth and in turn heroin for the meth comedown i never score the meth or heroin bulk equivalent of 50 Valium tablets.

 

[DixiChik]

skn...Firstly, my condolences for the loss of your friends. That's a tough one.

Actually, no on the Ativan. It was originally scripted @ 1mg twice daily. Later it was increased to 1 mg 3xdaily. I've remained at that dose for decades with no tolerance issues. Physical dependence? No doubt.

I'm not recommending this. It has been a wonder med for me, using only as prescribed.

I have never used anything recreationally, except alcohol, during my Ole Miss days (80's)

I'm 56, yet only last year began to experiment with MMJ for pain. I can't tolerate pain meds, though I definitely need them. I am enrolled in PM and have been scripted MS Contin, Fentanyl patches, and Oxycodone IR over a 3 year period. I settled with Oxy, but cannot take it like I need it. Meds shut down my GI system...to the point of bowel obstruction.

I don't technically have cancer, but my disease (stage 4) mimics cancer. I lost my best friend in Feb to cancer. He was obtaining my MMJ for me, as I tested different strains. I no longer have access, so there goes that HOPE for pain relief.

Jekyl...I craved the taste of lead back in 1987, when my health went into a death spiral. I still keep that option close to the vest...Don't know how much longer I can endure.

 

[Animoe]

I've been using benzos (Both prescription and RC's) for a long long time (probably about 12 years, estimated). I had no idea that there was a ceiling effect for benzos but I've seem to hit it about 3-5 years ago and I'm not lying when I say I can down a gram of 99%+ pure clonazolam, flubromazolam, xanax you name it, and all it does is stop me from having seizures. I literally have to carry around a drink with an ass load of SOME kind of benzo in it ALL DAY EVERY DAY, JUST so I don't have seizures. I don't feel any buzz at all anymore, it just stops the seizures and keeps me normal.

It kinda scares me cause I'm on Bupe and I've hit the ceiling dose of that too... So if I were to need surgery, what the fuck would they give me to help sedate me?

People are very skeptical when I share this information, and tend not to believe me. But I swear on my life I am not lying. I don't know what to do. I recently went to a 28 day rehab center to try to ween off but I had to go home because they could not give me enough benzos to stop me from having seizures..

If ANYONE has any idea of what I should do to get off the benzos, please please let me know. They have ruined my life and I can't seem to ween myself off them.. I feel like I kinda really fucked myself permanently on this one...

And if you DON'T believe me, just pretend that this is a hypothetical scenario and tell me what you would do. Please, I'm desperate.

 

[DixiChik]

Animoe...It sounds like you have indeed "fucked yourself", but I don't know about the "permanently". I don't understand but I don't judge.

Others here know FAR more than I. They should come along shortly. It sounds as though you definitely need medical guidance.

I sincerely hope you find what you need.

 

[Animoe]

Thank you DixiChik, Just hearing that I'm not PERMANENTLY fucked actually is making me feel a little better already. Like maybe there is hope for me.

 

[danglesmcgee]

I've been using benzos (Both prescription and RC's) for a long long time (probably about 12 years, estimated). I had no idea that there was a ceiling effect for benzos but I've seem to hit it about 3-5 years ago and I'm not lying when I say I can down a gram of 99%+ pure clonazolam, flubromazolam, xanax you name it, and all it does is stop me from having seizures. I literally have to carry around a drink with an ass load of SOME kind of benzo in it ALL DAY EVERY DAY, JUST so I don't have seizures. I don't feel any buzz at all anymore, it just stops the seizures and keeps me normal.

It kinda scares me cause I'm on Bupe and I've hit the ceiling dose of that too... So if I were to need surgery, what the fuck would they give me to help sedate me?

People are very skeptical when I share this information, and tend not to believe me. But I swear on my life I am not lying. I don't know what to do. I recently went to a 28 day rehab center to try to ween off but I had to go home because they could not give me enough benzos to stop me from having seizures..

If ANYONE has any idea of what I should do to get off the benzos, please please let me know. They have ruined my life and I can't seem to ween myself off them.. I feel like I kinda really fucked myself permanently on this one...

And if you DON'T believe me, just pretend that this is a hypothetical scenario and tell me what you would do. Please, I'm desperate.

i belive you.


so if you took benzos for 12 years i would put you on a tappering schedule that lasts at least 12 months. Problem is with seizures...you should be in a clinical setting.
this is the dangerous part about benzo withdrawal

 

[keeping]

Thank you DixiChik, Just hearing that I'm not PERMANENTLY fucked actually is making me feel a little better already. Like maybe there is hope for me.

yeah dude just read your previous comment and that truly is a leviathan-level tolerance
i normally link people to the Ashton Manual (which i have done anyway) when they're seeking solid info on benzos and how to go about tapering off them safely, but in your case i think a medically supervised, almost certainly inpatient taper/detox is basically the only way to go about this.
i mean, there's tolerance and then there's tolerance. taking 'zolams just to stave off seizures is truly mind-boggling and you've got my deepest sympathy bro.

there's definitely a rehab center out there for you - sucks that the one you mentioned went to wasn't prepared for the behemoth of benzos that is yourself but i'm hardly surprised. you'll have to do some serious research into finding the appropriate facility for your detox but there has to be one out there; i mean this is basically life-or-death for you so there is somewhere that can help you... maybe a zoo.

all jokes aside damn man i'm sorry to hear about your situation but its not permanent i'm convinced
stay safe and keep us updated if you can

 

[Animoe]

I've had pretty severe withdrawals from benzodiazepines.. There was one month when I was withdrawaling from heroin and benzodiazepines and I had 14 seizures that month ALONE. 6 of those seizures were in a single day. I had a seizure at my house, the paramedics were called, I got brought into the ER and I had 5 more seizures in that single ER visit.. They just had to keep pumping benzos into me until the seizures stopped. And I've pretty much given up on doctors because when I tell them that fucking 2mgs of Lorazepam isn't enough they think I'm a drug seeker. But I can't blame them because it is in my charts that I'm a drug seeker.

And it was Passages Malibu that sent me home because they couldn't give me enough benzos to stop my seizures. I thought that Passages Malibu was a serious enough rehab to get me off of the benzos, or atleast ween me down to a manageable level. But I was sent home pretty quickly after I got there and they saw my tolerance.

I've just been getting grams of the strongest RC benzos I can find (currently Flubromazolam and Clonazolam) and I make a really strong fruity drink and just put a bunch of Flub/Clonaz in it and carry it around with me all day drinking it. I do it every single day. I hate it. I hate my life right now... I wasn't always this bad though, but I had found a Dr. that prescribed me 3mg XR Alprazolam TID with 3 months worth of refills. So I was taking 9mgs of XR Alprazolam daily but he dropped me when I couldn't pay for appointments anymore cause I couldn't pay for my insurance and now I can't find a Dr. that will give me enough to keep me from withdrawaling, hence the reason for the RC's.

I seriously do not know what to do at this point.. If I was to ween off it would take at least a year (that's an estimate.).

But seriously my biggest fear is ending up in prison because how the fuck would I get what I need in there? I'd be withdrawaling off of benzos and bupe at the same time. And I seriously doubt they'd believe me when I would tell them the dosages I would need just to stop the seizures.

Fuuuuuuuckkkk.... I feel so helpless.

 

[Animoe]

Also Thank you guys so much for believing me. It really really means a lot. Because when I tell people about my situation I am NEVER believed, and it just makes me feel even more helpless. But you guys believing me is actually making me feel like there's some kind of hope.

Thank you guys, Sincerely.

 

[keeping]

^ yeah man, fuck
that'd be really dangerous - i'd imagine you'd have your lawyer make arrangements with the prison to send you to a suitable detox unit (there has to be some kind of military-grade rehab unit for those purposes out there) or somewhere cause i doubt they'd want you dying all over their lovely cells.

so how comes you're so worried about going to prison tho? did i miss something?

 

[Animoe]

My 3 biggest fears in life are 3, Withdrawaling from benzos or opioids. 2, getting locked up. And my number 1 biggest fear is withdrawaling while being locked up.

And I've always been terrified of being locked up again, because I got locked up for fucking smoking WEED in MY front yard, at 03:00 hours, in my pajamas, while listening to my Ipod back in 2008.

It wasn't a lengthy stay at all, but I've always had horrible anxiety ever since I was in elementary school. And I just couldn't handle being away from my family.

I am constantly, every single day, thinking that I'm going to be raided by LE at any moment. And having to get my meds through the mail constantly weighs on my mind. Every time I get a package I am convinced that this is the one that is going to be a controlled buy or whatever the fuck they call it so yeah.. And I had worked for a vendor for 3 months being compensated with hundreds of dollars worth of RC's every couple of weeks. I've broke ties with that vendor since then, but if they ever get raided or if they were being watched, I feel like LE will be coming after me as an accessory...

 

[keeping]

sounds like you've got a bit of a complex or something man, doubt that's doing much for your anxiety either.
i feel the pain, i used to have panic attacks as far back as like 9 or 10 years old and my family just had no idea what was going on and put it down to 'imagination'.

by the way, was having a little google regarding your problem with detox and came across an old BL thread here. you should check it out sounds like your kind of situation. there's a lot of talk about this Flumanezil, its kinda like naloxone but for benzos (sorta),but it sounds super dangerous outside of a medical inpatient setting.