So yeah I'm aware this is an old discussion but I couldn't resist... Holy fuck windowpane sweet Jesus save me.
So my buddy calls me up, his boy got some acid and his gf (who was my best friend), a frequent flyer we'll call her, says it's legit. Trusting my bff as I did I took her at her word and didn't question anything, though looking back I really should have been on my guard due to the fact that the guy with the cid was widely known as "Shady Shawn". And even though I remember thinking his price per was a bit high at 10 bucks a hit (1997-ish), but I was all like "fuck it, when you find the unicorn, you grab the fucking horn", right? So I got 2 for me, 2 for my ol lady, and 2 for my mom. When it came time to drop I remember thinking damn these hits are huge, looked like a square centimeter (probably a bit less tho). But since I had my bff's vouch that the stuff would have you twirling glow sticks in the dark all night I put aside any real concerns I may or may not have had, cracked some glow sticks and a big ass bottle of OJ and prepared for liftoff. I always get this strange feeling in the back of my sinuses, a curious sensation that I've only ever felt on LSD, which became my telltale indicator that yes, the high is indeed on its way.
Normally, my plans for a night spent tripping, tweaking, drinking, whatever is one spent in one place which is not behind the wheel of a vehicle. I remember most of the night. I remember very much not wanting to drive around, I remember the streetlights pulsating and assaulting me with photons and trying to beam the corrupted souls of ??? into my brain so that I'd make a mistake driving in front of the cops this being drawn into their sting operation. Then we were at a buddy's house watching MadTV. The "Turbopeep 2000", a Spishak product, I can still remember it. I nearly shat myself laughing. Then more scary driving underneath constant threat of possession and arrest and my girl and I end up hanging out with my bff and her dude. Then something weird happened. Everyone kept handing me beers, and I was putting them in my fucking belly, but, like, nothing was happening. This went on for an indeterminate amount of time. I drank, I pissed (a great deal to be sure), but besides being on quite an acid trip which must be noted is NOT like being drunk, somehow I was feeling absolutely zero deleterious effects from the approx 14-18 Budweisers I had consumed. Being a guy who knows well how much alcohol is "not enough/enough/too f-ing much" I rely on a few specific indicators to determine whether or not I'm ready to stop or not. Usually, the lights and gauges in my body's dashboard will light up or the needle pegs into the red, or the buzzer goes off and that's when I know that the party is over and it's nighty night time and maybe pokey-poke time if I'm lucky. This night, however, I began to realize that I was temporarily invincible from alcohol, I could even see, walk and talk straight, incredibly, and so of course, being invincible, I could continue, naturally, to chug down beers completely without fear of adverse effects. The next thing I knew I could have sworn I puked up one of my own balls. I retched so hard I pulled some shit in my abdomen that hurt for a couple of months. Some fucking how, I drove us home totally fine, I was tripping balls and should have been too drunk to tap dance but I wasn't even stumbling, slurring, nothing like that though I really really really should have been. My girl wanted me to pokey-poke when we made it home. I tried, for her, but could make no iron at the forge. Sex on acid is really weird.
So yeah, the punchline to this casserole of nonsense finally comes the next day. My bff Amanda calls me and was like "dude do you have any of those acid hits left I could get?" and I'm like "no, duh, we only got 2 each and I took both of mine." And she is all "no dumbass remember I told you they're windowpane, each square is supposed to cut up to 4 hits". And I'm like "well fuck! I'm still trying to re-swallow one of my testicles if that does ya fine, but go suck a dick if you say again you told me because you didn't!" And of course she's laughing her ass off because she remembers she told Grasshopper about the 4-way acid fuck and forgot to tell me... Her bad lol
I'm surprised I survived past 17. Soon after this incident, my BFF and I both became single around the same time, and so chilling at my house one night we had agreed that it was about time we stop tiptoing around the issue, get really high, and do naughty things to each other. We were about 5 seconds into the first kiss and embrace when the total fucking weirdness hit us both. Turned out we'd passed that point years back where it felt like trying to fuck an aunt or some weird shit like that. We decided instead to go get really, really high, forget about that thing, and go pick up chicks, which was fun but turned a little weird too.
She passed away suddenly around 2012-ish. The only one of my friends that I could actually crack the worst of my most twisted and blasphemous jokes and always get a laugh, no matter WHAT it was about. She laughed at my Terri Schaivo joke even. That was the last one she ever laughed at. But goddamn she hee-hawed about me and my girl taking EIGHT FUCKING HITS of acid each. I also remember seeing a piece of the movie "the Newton boys" or something like that with Matthew McConaughey, where he's angry and yelling, and I totally hallucinated a pair of devil horns sprouting from his forehead as he yelled. Apparently that made an impression because I kept saying the phrase "Matthew McConaughey is the devil!" until it became sort of a meme. The correct response being "all right All right All right!"
Amazingly, I do possess many of my original brain cells even after all that abuse.
Fucking windowpane
