oxyaddict05
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 24, 2007
- Messages
- 168
Honestly, reading all of your guys' post just fckn warmed my heart. I got nothing but love for those in or out of the struggle! I would use the quote thing, but really everything above this is pure gold. I relate on so many levels. Especially about 'censoring' myself in regards to my past. I remember when 'heroin' was such a dirty, vile word. Ignorant yes, but I almost wish I had that mindset again. These days, words like 'heroin' 'IV' 'needle' 'crack' elicit about the same emotional response as 'crescent wrench.' Tools of the trade man. Tools of the trade.
Basically, what my friend told me last night was to look at it like being ex-military. In fact, the main reason I didn't join the corp before I started using was that I was terrified that I would be unable to adjust back into civilian life. What I realized is that this will take time! One reason why I am inclined to kick it with 'normies' is that I really want their blissfully ignorant perspective to rub off on me. And I can tell you that I have made a lot of progress in this regard. Sure I still scare the shit out of some random girls here and there by dropping something insane to them like I am commenting on the weather. But it is getting much better.
I suppose I really need to find the right balance in terms of letting go and not forgetting where I came from and how I will always have the potential to go back.
Effuzion, ironically, I only smoked weed with my friends in recovery. It is amazing how many people do so. You may not believe this, but a group of friends and I used to do a tenth step a few times a week after getting baked. By no means am I saying this is healthy, but all I know is my experience. I have relapse experience, trust me, and the relapse ALWAYS starts way before the first drug use. Think of this as the opposite to that. And I don't know about you, but when I am baked, using something else is the last thing on my mind. I am frankly more concerned with discussing astrophysics, slaughtering Nazi Zombies, eating ice cream, and going to the beach/surfing.
I totally get that this looks like 'the relapse progression.' But of course it does. Think of it this way, accidents can only happen when your vehicle is moving (unless you get hit, but forget that for the sake of argument). However, just because your vehicle is moving does not mean you will crash. You can say that all accidents occur when the vehicle is moving. This is a correlation, and not causation.
Of course that sounds like a rationalization. But so is deciding on where to eat, or which guitar to buy, or if you should open the door after turning the handle. The difference is consequence. And I can tell you, I have never been in a better place in my life. Both spiritually, and mentally. Of course, as an ex-junkie, anything is liable to happen. This is why I am talking about everything I do with a therapist and friends. Of course things could go bad. I would stupid not to realize that. But it feels very manageable at the moment.
All that said, I appreciate your concern, and will think a little harder about it.
Love this board!!!!
Basically, what my friend told me last night was to look at it like being ex-military. In fact, the main reason I didn't join the corp before I started using was that I was terrified that I would be unable to adjust back into civilian life. What I realized is that this will take time! One reason why I am inclined to kick it with 'normies' is that I really want their blissfully ignorant perspective to rub off on me. And I can tell you that I have made a lot of progress in this regard. Sure I still scare the shit out of some random girls here and there by dropping something insane to them like I am commenting on the weather. But it is getting much better.
I suppose I really need to find the right balance in terms of letting go and not forgetting where I came from and how I will always have the potential to go back.
Effuzion, ironically, I only smoked weed with my friends in recovery. It is amazing how many people do so. You may not believe this, but a group of friends and I used to do a tenth step a few times a week after getting baked. By no means am I saying this is healthy, but all I know is my experience. I have relapse experience, trust me, and the relapse ALWAYS starts way before the first drug use. Think of this as the opposite to that. And I don't know about you, but when I am baked, using something else is the last thing on my mind. I am frankly more concerned with discussing astrophysics, slaughtering Nazi Zombies, eating ice cream, and going to the beach/surfing.
I totally get that this looks like 'the relapse progression.' But of course it does. Think of it this way, accidents can only happen when your vehicle is moving (unless you get hit, but forget that for the sake of argument). However, just because your vehicle is moving does not mean you will crash. You can say that all accidents occur when the vehicle is moving. This is a correlation, and not causation.
Of course that sounds like a rationalization. But so is deciding on where to eat, or which guitar to buy, or if you should open the door after turning the handle. The difference is consequence. And I can tell you, I have never been in a better place in my life. Both spiritually, and mentally. Of course, as an ex-junkie, anything is liable to happen. This is why I am talking about everything I do with a therapist and friends. Of course things could go bad. I would stupid not to realize that. But it feels very manageable at the moment.
All that said, I appreciate your concern, and will think a little harder about it.
Love this board!!!!
