Anxiety following ego death bad trip - please advise

[joeinfinity]

So im new here but ive been browsing the forums for a while, i feel recently like I have gotten myself into some trouble by using LSD, i thought i could handle it but then came across some really good blotter and i had the most horrible experience imaginable, and i am wondering every day if i am ever going to be able to get through this, so i would really appreciate some advice from anyone who has gone through anything like this and come out the other side. I am suffering with constant visuals, i can hardly ever sleep, im really terrified that im going mad and i have no idea what to do, ive never experienced anything like this before. the horrible experience happened 3 weeks ago, after i decided to trip to test out this new blotter, to start with it was completely fine, manageable, then after about two hours it seemed to keep getting stronger and stronger, until i started to feel like the fabric of reality was disintegrating and i was trapped in this perpetually disintegrating universe for the rest of time,it felt like the absolute worst thing that could possibly happen, a mega catastrophe that had completely doomed me to endless anguish. I thought about calling an ambulance, or the police, or jumping out of my window, just as a desperate way to get out of the experience, but everything i thought of just echoed in loops inside my head and didnt get me anywhere. Somehow the trip finished after several hours of pure torment, but i cant stop thinking about it since then, everyday im dwelling on what happened to me that night and im not sure how i can keep my grip on things if it carries on like this.

 

[Xorkoth]

First of all, welcome.

I have had a number of experiences that were terrifying and disturbing to experience, along the same vein as you describe. Most notably with 2C-E, my god I thought my soul was being annihilated, I thought about killing myself before it happened so I could continue to exist in some form. That's where I was at with it. However, I came down and realized I was fine, and that when you feel that way on psychedelics it's just your ego flailing as it is being brought to that point of submission, a pure survival response. There is no need to fear it. What you experienced is a normal reaction to that sort of experience. I have also had these types of experiences where I did not experience fear, and you may in the future too if you choose to continue using psychedelics.

Take stock of where you are now... are you okay? It seems like you are. You underwent a powerful and paradigm-shattering experience, and it's understandable you'd be shaken up, but there is no reason to frame the experience like you can't carry on just because it happened. Just focus on your life. So what if you had that experience? It's one of your experiences now, but you can and will carry on. If you think about this experience as if you are now "damaged", then that's how you will come to view it, and yourself. However, if you don't, then you won't.

I just realized you said you're experiencing constant visuals and other tripping aftereffects, I didn't notice that at first. I can understand why your alarm is higher now. Generally time clears these things out. I am willing to bet that your level of anxiety is greatly exacerbating these symptoms. If it doesn't start to die down soon then perhaps think about seeking help for that, often an antipsychotic can terminate these sorts of lasting episodes. Also, sometimes people develop HPPD from psychedelics, it's possible you have, but there is no reason to fear it. Fear is your main issue right now I think.

 

[jason7]

Never call an ambulance or the police when you're tripping, no matter how bad it may seem. The last place you want to be when tripping is in a hospital or the police station. Both will freak you out worse than ever and there isn't much they can do for you. I guess the hospital could give you Thorazine but that's pretty nasty stuff itself. Best to just stay in your home and lay down and ride it out. It can't last forever. Eventually you'll come back to normal and be glad you didn't call anybody. I don't know why the visuals are lasting so long but I guess LSD just isn't for you. I'm sure it will wear off after a while.

 

[MarkoPolo]

I had a nasty aMT trip (200mg over the space of 16 hours.. dangerous, i know, but i didnt know any better at them time). Basically, to sum it up, at the peak of the trip I was having an out of body experience where I was viewing myself lying on a floor, beaten and bruised, and all my loved ones telling me i was worthless.... I know EXACTLY what u went through trust me it was nearly 24 hours long and has literally changed me and how my mind works. BUT it gets better with time. I was getting flashbacks for ages and i was paranoid and scared of the dark... but after time i got better. I would nearly say that having a devastating tip is worse than breaking a few ribs or a leg. Bones heal in a month or two but your mental state is so delicate that, if damaged, it can take many months to heal. Ride this one through, get lost in movies, and go outside and distract yourself with people and eventually your experience will be insignificant compared to what your life actually is.