anxiety, depression, paranoid delusions, and sever health problems HELP

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

King you made a mistake but you learned from it. I agree that you should get into a rehab/treatment program. Good luck.

 

[Pale Rider]

There's some good advice here King, at least give treatment some thought, you take care and stay safe.

 

[kingtweaker92]

You will find happiness in things other than meth (which doesn't seem to make you happy, anyway)

^ it's like a catch 22 or whatever. i get depressed or down or whatever from no meth, get meth, then for a half hour or so i'm flying but I soon realize I just did it again..then i'm down on myself, and high, so needless to say i get higher. i'm fighting myself to do what i know is right but i'm a hell of a fight.

You don't have to get high to get by.. It will suck at first but you may even find being at work will help you keep your mind off of the withdrawal..

Dude.. you are 19 years old! You have a whole life a head of you. New experiences, new loves, new friends, new family? You have to give yourself a chance. You have to help yourself. You are only a depressed addict for as long as you allow yourself to be. You still have time to change. You still have the opportunity to better your life.

I'm doing a lot better, I went a week without using. I would have..but my job site 2 hours away and the driver I work with from time to time decided to just get a hotel for the week to save on gas. DAMN the first day was HELL! Come halftime day 2 though, I feel surprisingly good, and i'm eating like a bear fixing to hybernate. haha. Seriously though, come day 3 getting high did not even cross my mind. I was eager to work again and damn proud of myself to be back in action. The weekend finally came, and the first thing i did was get high. It was different though, almost as if the guilty concience I get about my drug use was non-existent.

I pondered on this an hour or 2 and came to the conclusion that i felt guilty because i was jobless and basically mooching off anyone and everyone for '3 hots and a cot'. After working all week sober, making me some good money, putting on around 10-15 lbs in an un-heard of amount of time, AND getting my job done right, sober, and on time! I must have felt I deserved my 'shot' this time.

I know i'm young, and i don't know everything. That's why i joined BL, to stay safe and get accurate, non-judgemental advice about things i struggle with and have nowhere to release these struggles and questions i can't ask my family or friends.

So, my question is (asking everyone btw): For any older cats might be responding to my post, Do you think it is possible for someone to use a drug as hard as meth recreationally AND responsibly?
I'm thinking i can be a casual user (weekends or 2x a month) because I found an old friend of mine, i call him 'Craftsmanship'.I love working, innovating to get the job done, using my mind to figure a problem, then my muscles to fix it. I get just as (if not more) excited at the thought of starting the conduit lay-out on monday as i would/do my next 'rush'. Maybe i'm just justifyig it the best I can i dont know..but what I do know is that I feel 100% different with a job, and some respect I been longing for.

Am I fucking fooling myself or what?
feels like I can have the best of both worlds to me.. :D

I appreciate any answers to these questions. I do have my first session with my councelor/therapist or whatever Monday afternoon. Eager to see what kinda fucked off mental shit he diagnose me with. I think shrinks are crazy themselves, but my momma talked me into seeing the guy.

Thankyou all by the way for all the advice. I'm not ignoring your advice. I'm meerly looking over it for now taking into consideration i've been to rehab. Not my cup of tea. the meetings drive me crazy, 12 step programs are too religious, and I did enough homework in highschool before dropping out, them a-holes always want to throw a pen and pad at you and throw a boring ass video form 1996 about 'the dangers of alcohol'
Not for me...

-KING %)