It's really not fair to the community to ask questions that have no reasonably definable answer. I'm not claiming you have malicious intent or anything OP, but threads like this can easily take away from other, potentially life-threatening Harm Reduction material. As a rule of thumb, and this is for your own good as well, you want to try to ask questions that can be answered. We just can't let threads like "What will make me feel good?" run wild all over the front page for obvious reasons.
Right off the bat, you are asking for a drug that makes you feel "alive". I have no idea what the hell that means. Even if we had a totally concise definition for "alive", we still would be shooting in the dark, randomly throwing out the names of any and all drugs from A-Z that produce any kind of discernible effect.
I'm actually going to close this. There's too much wrong with it as it is written and I think it would be beneficial for the OP and everyone else involved to start a new thread with a more defined mission statement. We need more details and a more defined goal to even begin. We need to know what you have used, a description of your subjectively experienced positive/negative effects etc. I'm totally with T. in wanting to know more details about what we're dealing with. I feel like if we don't just close this and start over, we're all going to waste more time discussing just the initial objective of the thread.