^Could you specifiy the damage you done please?
Daily abuse over 2.5 years is actually pretty long period. 10mg a day might be with no side effects but if you were taking euphoric doses the whole time, yeah that's enough time to fuck with your whole body and mind.
Well I have wondered the same thing when I heard people talk about the "destructiveness" of mania, so I'll elaborate.
Definitely more than 10mg a day lol.
First came the realization of not being able to do anything with my life unmedicated. I assumed I had ADD, so I tried to score some from a psychiatrist who sent me home with citalopram. 10mg of that shit made me hypomanic within 2h. I felt awesome and now had two drugs I was gonna use to get me through 6 years of med school.
It started with ~10mg (hard to say, it was street speed and the extractions I performed on it failed) and only increased that in small steps in order to reach the same effects, but when my hypomania got out of control I went through the last 70g I had in 3 months time. That's a lot of fucking speed. I'm understating here to sound believable. I extracted that last batch and it came out as round about the same amount of amphetamine sulphate. So yes, a lot of speed. During that time I was using it to maintain a (60-70h)-(12h) wake/sleep schedule. I was not eating any food other than sugar for months. I should add that I was abusing more drugs. An average day looked like this:
-400mg Tramadol HCl
-Amphetamine Sulfate
-2mg Citalopram HCl
-1000mg Caffeine HCl
-90mg Dextrometorphan HBr
-50-100mg Diphenhydramine HCl
-Some pot only before bedtime (I've been using pot daily for sleep induction for 15 years though)
So how did I get from the point A to point B? I have no fucking clue to be honest, maybe it's just because I'm bipolar, maybe it was the speed. Either way while I was excelling at university, I was becoming increasingly irritable and eratic. I was no person I would chose to be around.
What happened during that time?
-I split from the mother of my daughter (well I was kicked out)
--> Was it the speed though? Who fucking knows, our relationship was fucked before I started using speed. I didn't love her, she's hysterical, that kind of thing. She didn't know about my use.
-I lost a friend who I had been best buddies with since 5th grade. That's almost 20 years of friendship.
--> Was it the speed's fault? Well by that time he didn't give a fuck about me anymore, he had been using a gram of cocaine on average for close to 10 years (he was selling it). BUT I would not have sent anyone away like that without the speed. Maybe I should have done so earlier though. I still miss our friendship, but it was long gone before the final clash. I'd say we'd still be in touch without the speed.
-I lost more friends, around 5 or so I'd say. Those weren't real friends, not when they left my life and not before that. Still I had known a few of them over a decade.
--> Was it the speed? Yes, they were disgusted by my self destructive drug use.
-I lost a lot of weight, 55kg at 177cm is not healthy at all.
--> Was it the speed? Yes lol.
-I had to go on vacation from uni. Been that way for 18months now.
-->Was it the speed? Well I turned batshit manic through the speed. Never been manic before. E.g. I told many friends my goodbyes because I thought I'd be dying of a fungal infection: "I'M MACERATING!!", It was during that time that Blizzard sued the shit out of me for coding a Diablo AH bot, straight up lying to the judge and buying out my lawyers, which was adding to the stress. Bad times.
-I now have a legal guardian, have been taking olanzapine, quetiapine, lithium, none of which are very healthy
--> No speed, no mania.
-I got a central retinal vein occlusion, most likely from the quetiapine
--> No speed, no mania, no quetiapine
There's a lot more, like I wrote a bunch of my professors 10 page long mails of gibberish, I got kicked out from my dermatologist screaming, I called up the cops at one point, I didn't open the door for months unless I got a phone call, I didn't answer the phone when there was no number or an unknown number shown, stuff I never used to do before. I am still recovering. Behaviour keeps returning to normal. It takes a long fucking time.
