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Am I the only woman against marriage?

The child free movement needs to STFU. Not wanting kids is totally fine, but hating on people who desire kids when it is totally a personal choice is dumb.

I don't get it, I don't see that much 'hate' in the child-free movement. Caustic humour maybe, but actual hate, not so much!
 
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Is there a way to make medical/end of life decisions without being married? Like meeting with a lawyer beforehand and having something drawn up? That's the only thing that worries me.

That is based entirely where you are married/where you live. If your location is still Florida, I have a feeling you'll have a hard time, with or without a lawyer, in protecting your civil union rights, due to the backwards social conservatism of that state. I live in Canada ATM which is fairly socially liberal, and I know here we recognize common-law relationships.
 
Hell no. Most relationships last no longer than 5 years. And just knowing you will have to be with someone for the rest of your life and no one else is enough to kill your interest. Not to mention having to ba in a relationship with someone over 45, when you both find each other unattractive.

Having kids only increases the suffering of this, though I wouldn't mind kids in themselves. I think most women's (and even men's) views on this are fare too rose-coloured. They seem to fully expect the relationship with turn out like the initial coutriing phase - when in reality you will most likely become more like brothers and sisters that share responsibilities for home and family. Not much romance in most relationships over time and most lose their attrction to each other. Might be a few exceptions, but you can't rely on that. Well, that is my cynical view of it based on observations and personal experience.

Anyway, this little illusion is necessary or no new children will be borned and raised.
 
Lol child free by choice is not about hating on people who want/have kids. It's just people who choose not to have children.
 
Yes, you can ask a lawyer to draft a document for you, I think that's called a living will. You don't have to be married for that. You can name anyone to carry out your wishes in the event that you're not able to make or communicate these decisions yourself.

Yes, but they can be easily rebutted by any other family member. Most people don't even think of this issue so if you're in a committed relationship you might want to think of this now rather than later. It's not an easy road. Also, the partner won't be able to necessarily be in the room with you when you die. :\

The idea that marriage is still strictly 'servitude' is a medieval concept. If that is the way the marriage works then that's the way the relationship would be without marriage anyway. Marriage is whatever you define it as. My husband doesn't own me and I don't feel as though I'm under his 'tether'. I kept my maiden name. Yes, we both wear rings on our fingers. I don't see it any different than wearing a necklace given by a SO to show their love for you. It's a reminder of what matters to me. It also keeps annoying people who want to hit on me away. We have 3 bank accounts: 1 mine solely and 2 joint. I balance the checkbook and neither of us keep tabs on each others' actual transactions... just the end number. It's very 2nd wave feminism, IMO, to keep presuming that marriage is ultimately 'anti-women'.

I have, honestly, yet to see a negative to marriage life in my personal experience. It's used as a tool for an incredibly negative and stifling life for many women and men alike but I don't think that's necessarily the norm. I think the same negatives that prevail from a bad marriage are the same as a bad cohabitation (committed intimate relationship - legally) albeit obviously more costly with the former. Even if I get divorced (and yes, I'm well-versed in family law as I graduated from law school) I don't think I will think marriage is more trouble than its worth.

<-- women's studies major.
 
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^my husband and i also have separate accounts along with a joint account for paying bills. we are both financially independent. we have our own interests and my husband doesn't generally care what i do.

People are taking marriage wayyyyyy to the extreme. I dislike it when people think they are open-minded and then insult people who believe the opposite.

Marriage isn't slavery and the child free movement is a bunch of extremists.

Relax. If people want to get married and it makes them happy, there is nothing wrong with that. Not only does it protect your finances and legal rights, but it also gives some people a sense of commitment. Nothing wrong with that. Also nothing wrong with the desire to have kids. Some girls just want them (some guys too!). The child free movement needs to STFU. Not wanting kids is totally fine, but hating on people who desire kids when it is totally a personal choice is dumb.

i am amazed at the anti-marriage sentiment on here. and the amount of negative comments claiming that i am somehow less of a woman for choosing to be married.

my husband and i got married after dating for ten years. we are happy and i don't really feel the need to defend my marriage to anyone. but i can assure you that i am independent and not constrained by my relationship. i don't feel like i am property nor do i feel like i was coerced into something.
 
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^ You claim you don't feel the need to defend your marriage to anyone, then assert several defenses to specific criticisms [perceived] to be made in this thread to a group of mainly strangers on the web? Was it for the lulz? Indulgence given to us by you? Hipster style irony?
 
^i stated my feelings. i really didn't mention anything about my marriage in my statement.

thanks amor :) you are awesome too <3
 
There are so many reasons why marriage isn't for me, i'll start with this one:

How can you promise to love someone forever? love is a feeling and feelings can change. You may very well end up continueing a love relationship until death do you part and this is not a bad thing. But it's also possible you will at some point want to end the relationship. People learn, grow and change. Life is a journey, if you grow in differing ways, no longer want the same things, no longer feel the same way for eachother and no longer want to be together this is not a bad thing either.

But if you got married somewhere along the way and promised to love eachother forever then the later is now a bad thing because you have broken a promise. However it's unnessesary to have made the promise in the first place, your freedom is your right. In making this promise you have created an opportunity for you or your spouse to feel pressured into being with the other if/when you/they no longer want to be. I fail to see how this is desireable.

As far as I can see the very point of marriage is to make it difficult for the other person to leave. If you are so sure you are going to love eachother forever, then why would you feel the need to make it so difficult to leave? If you feel a binding contract is necessary to keep you together then maybe you ought to rethink the assumption you will love eachother forever. Maybe don't promise that you will...

I just want to take relationships as they come, I don't promise they will last forever so no-one is let down and crushed or feels betrayed if it comes to an end. I respect people I form relationships with and so I'm honest with them. I'm honest that I am not psychic, I havn't seen the future. I am honest about how I feel NOW and if things develop/change/evolve that they need to know about, I tell them.
 
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^my husband and i also have separate accounts along with a joint account for paying bills. we are both financially independent. we have our own interests and my husband doesn't generally care what i do.



i am amazed at the anti-marriage sentiment on here. and the amount of negative comments claiming that i am somehow less of a woman for choosing to be married.

my husband and i got married after dating for ten years. we are happy and i don't really feel the need to defend my marriage to anyone. but i can assure you that i am independent and not constrained by my relationship. i don't feel like i am property nor do i feel like i was coerced into something.

i really didn't mention anything about my marriage in my statement.

Every single statement is formulated as to imply it involving you personally. "I" "My" "Our"...not "Their's, Her's, The Man's". All of the post was about marriage, relationship, and interpretations thereof.

No subject except 'you and 'marriage' is mentioned.

I ain't ragging on you on any other basis except that, and I'm mostly having fun with being a tad pedantic.
 
I hate government, wiesling it's way into personal relationships, invasive.
I might like to live with my boyfriend when he gets out of prison but can't just incase we are together for 2 years or more after moving in, because if you live together for two years even without marriage, just as defacto couple, they can take half of your shit if break up. That is fucking bullshit, fuck off government.
 
Childfree people: "Not having a kid is the only way to be."
Parents: "Having a kid is the best thing ever; I have no regrets."
Marriage opponents: "Not getting hitched is the only rational decision."
Spice: "Marriage is the best thing ever, I have no regrets."
cf.
Humans: "Earth is the best planet ever, and I wouldn't want to live anywhere else."

I'm a little buzzed, but you get get point...
 
I dont think anyone is trying to say their decision to or not to kids/marriage is the "only way to be".
Individual freedom in personal matters is something to be valued.
 
^my husband and i also have separate accounts along with a joint account for paying bills. we are both financially independent. we have our own interests and my husband doesn't generally care what i do.



i am amazed at the anti-marriage sentiment on here. and the amount of negative comments claiming that i am somehow less of a woman for choosing to be married.

my husband and i got married after dating for ten years. we are happy and i don't really feel the need to defend my marriage to anyone. but i can assure you that i am independent and not constrained by my relationship. i don't feel like i am property nor do i feel like i was coerced into something.

This forum is a male-centric hive-mind. :) I like to think I bring some feminine, black-sheep thoughts into it. I find that many people on here preach tolerance, but they belittle people who have tradition, harmless ethics. It irks me, really.

Nothing wrong with wanting and loving your marriage. I honestly think some people envy those who are truly happy regardless of which way they swing. You are lucky to have found someone who loves you. Not many people can say the same. Not many people are fortunate enough to be completely happy and content with their lives. It seems to be those people who are now the outcasts and belittled for their beliefs and happiness. That's a shame. I envy these types of people, but I certainly don't hate on them.


How can you promise to love someone forever?

You don't understand it, because you've never had it. There is nothing wrong with someone desiring it, chasing it, and hoping for it, and quite possibly finding it. Old people who are totally in love with each other for decades is one of the most awesome things in the world. My grandparents had it. My 70 year old grandfather used to tell my grandmother that she was the most beautiful woman in the world. He would tell me stories of when they met, and he would tell me what she was wearing, what she looked like, and what she was eating that day. He loved her for forever, and my grandmother was never the same after he died. They were married for 60 years.

Sure, that doesn't happen often, but I certainly never looked at her as a slave or stuck in some loveless commitment. Perhaps that doesn't happen often, but there is nothing wrong with someone searching for it.

Libby, you of all people should understand the bad in judging someone.
 
^ I agree 100% with what you just said, so I think you must have misinterpreted my post. I have many married friends who are very happy and I would not wish anything else for them, I was just trying to explain why I don't feel marriage is right for me, not at all that I think others shouldn't be free to choose marriage, though I don't think marriage is needed for any of those stories you refrenced, what if your grandmother and grandfather were together 60 years yet not married, would it not be just as wonderful? Just saying I don't fully understand the need for the legel/governmental/sytem control over such a pure and beautiful union. I do think sometimes relationships turn out to be lifelong happy healthy relationships and I completely can understand why some people would desire this, I just don't see how one can promise at the beginning of the relationship that it will be as such, sometimes it goes down like that sometimes it doesn't, irregardless of weather or not the promise has been made. I am not the sort of person to break promises, so I don't make promises on things I cannot know.

I have been engaged twice, first time I was 18 was with my first longterm boyfriend (who was actually a complete asshole but a good liar and I was naive). And second time with a nice boy who I felt I would love forever yet fell out of love with for seemingly no reason. Both times I got engaged I had never even really stopped to think if marriage is actually something I want for my life, I had always assumed that's just what is done and I will do, my plan was to get married and have children by time I was 20 so I could be a young hip mum and not old strict psycho abusive crusty like my own parents. I just assumed that marriage plus breeding was the objective and focused instead on the finer details of the how and what kind of mother and wife I wanted to be. It wasn't until much later I realised that this was not something I even wanted, that I had just been conditioned by societal norms and expectations. When I started questioning it I realised I indeed did not want it at all. I know alot of people DO but I think there are others who may have gotten swept up in the idea and if they actually thought about what they want out of life would, like me, realise it may be something completely different.
 
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^ Who cares if her grandparents' relationship would have been just as wonderful without marriage? It made them happy. I don't think marriage is purely a 'governmental' or 'systematic' institution. I think her grandparents probably wouldn't think so either. It's deeper than that whether or not you believe it. They had satisfaction in part due to their marriage. They probably liked calling each other 'wife' and 'husband'. It's entirely personal and I honestly don't care either way but to tell someone they shouldn't get married anymore is ridiculous. I guess you're just talking on your own experience but it sounds like it should apply to everybody.
 
What? I would never tell anyone they shouldn't get married, it's THEIR choice just as I wouldn't like it when people tell me *I* should get married.
Hello? lol I said it was "not for me".
 
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