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Am I the only woman against marriage?

Lysis said:
I should warn you now that if you don't get married and live the single, independent life, you will be alienated after 30. Most women see you as weird, and they won't talk to you.
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Hmmm....I don't have this problem. Many of my friends are single, and there are some who are married. Maybe I am in a slightly different bracket because I do have a kid, and generally a lot of people over the age of 35 have kids already so there is that common ground. And I tend to associate with like-minded souls, so don't usually interact with people who only care about husbands, kids, etc. But I have never felt alienated from my married friends.

And if certain women don't want to talk to me because of the fact that I am not married, then screw them! There are too many other people who are actually cool to worry about pettiness.
 
munki said:
Hmmm....I don't have this problem. Many of my friends are single, and there are some who are married. Maybe I am in a slightly different bracket because I do have a kid, and generally a lot of people over the age of 35 have kids already so there is that common ground. But I have never felt alienated from my married friends.

And if certain women don't want to talk to me because of the fact that I am not married, then screw them! There are too many other people who are actually cool to worry about pettiness.
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It's because you have a kid. ;) You have something in common. Single moms are common at my age too, but a 35 year old female who isn't married, likes to hang out with friends and has nothing to tie her down (including kids) is rare. I have a motorcycle, a fast car, I bring boys home on a whim if I want, I play video games and prefer a restaurant to cooking. I live a 20 year old lifestyle except I'm more financially secure. The mommies don't like that. ;) I don't have anything in common with most people in their 30s.

I guess I should say it's more women with kids that treat people like me poorly, not married women. My sis has the same issue, except she's married. She has a hard time making friends, too due to the fact that she and her husband like to travel and do stuff and have no kids. I don't know if y'all realize it, but most conversations center around kids, so I know you don't want to hear about my drunken weekend or how I leveled up my Warcraft shadow priest. lol
 
Lysis: Nice ;)

I don't think I could ever stomach a typical wedding ceremony. If I'm with a woman in a long-term relationship then I'm happy to be committed as long as the relationship is mutually satisfying. I just don't see the point in holding an official ceremony rather than just moving in together and creating the relationship as it unfolds rather than putting a label on it.

Oh, and I'm generally pretty pragmatic. The thought of spending money on a ring, ceremony, fancy dress etc. for a one day event just doesn't do anything for me. And yes I'm already painfully aware that pragmatism is not always well received in relationships.

EDIT: Apparently this thread is for women. I can be ignored ;)
 
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Lysis said:
I guess I should say it's more women with kids that treat people like me poorly, not married women. My sis has the same issue, except she's married. She has a hard time making friends, too due to the fact that she and her husband like to travel and do stuff and have no kids. I don't know if y'all realize it, but most conversations center around kids, so I know you don't want to hear about my drunken weekend or how I leveled up my Warcraft shadow priest. lol
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Hmm...yeah, a good portion of conversations do focus around kids but I still have plenty of child-free friends with whom with we have plenty of discussions about music, the really good dj that was playing last night, life in general, etc. My child-free friends tell me about their debauchery and I generally find it amusing. I do notice that some people who don't have children actually seem to be a bit uncomfortable around my son when I have him out and about with me, but this is not every child-free person. Most people who I interact with forget I have a kid because he is not necessarily my focus during my times when I don't have to take care of him (every other weekend mainly) And among my closest friends, they understand that I will talk about him, even if they don't have kids themselves.

Maybe YOU are uncomfortable with breeders, and are projecting that onto them.
 
I'm a woman who doesn't plan to marry / don't see the point of marriage/nuclear families and also absolutely don't intend to give birth to a child. Not saying that I don't enjoy sex, 'cause I do. If I ever wanted a child, I think I'd adopt. At this point in humanity's growth marriage and nuclear families are not really necessary for the survival of our species anymore, and as far as development goes it's kind of backwards in that, even with all of the people already around, we are using up so much limited space/resources to produce more people and to feed them. I don't think things are very sustainable in the long term with the way they are going now.
 
Tude said:
Animal cookie, I guess what you said about your relationship with your husband not changing after two years is kind of what I'm getting at. I mean, if the relationship stays the same, what's the point of getting married? Although I'm glad it's working out for you. I do realize it's silly avoiding something just because negative consequences can result, but the way I see it, life is too short. I spend life trying to avoid things that can make me unhappy.
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we got married for several factors outside of our relationship. for starters, in the state we used to live in, domestic partners are offered no rights. if he was in a serious accident, i would not be allowed in the ICU if we were not married. for more concrete matters, i wanted health insurance; health insurance benefits were only available to married couples where we lived. it made sense financially too.

as to the actual wedding, it was fun to get super dressed up and have a big party with all our family and friends. prior to being engaged, i was rather indifferent to when i would get married. i wanted to and knew it would happen when it was time.

i still don't understand why people only equate being married negative things. you should know you partner really well before you decide to get married. if you aren't happy dating them, you are definitely not going to be happy married. for example, if you value independence, you are first going to need a boyfriend who is accepting of your independence. as you two get more serious, you should address issue related to your independence as a couple. when you get married, no one should be forcing you to give your independence.
 
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animal_cookie said:
i still don't understand why people only equate being married negative things. you should know you partner really well before you decide to get married. if you aren't happy dating them, you are definitely not going to be happy married. for example, if you value independence, you are first going to need a boyfriend who is accepting of your independence. as you two get more serious, you should address issue related to your independence as a couple. when you get married, no one should be forcing you to give your Independence.
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You bring up some good points, animal_cookie.

I guess I just have always equated marriage with loss of the independent self, which is definitely NOT what a healthy relationship is supposed to be about. Both of my younger brothers are married, and they both waited five years to get married to their wives. It seems like their relationships are generally good and they are happy. I am the black sheep of the family but haven't ever felt any judgement or pressure to get married. My married friends also seem to be relatively happy, despite the normal relationship ish that comes up. Mayhaps I just haven't been with the right person to even consider getting married to yet. We shall see with my current beau, but he is divorced, with two grown children, so I dunno if marriage is really high on his agenda. He has hinted at living together, however, so I guess that is a step in that direction.
 
munki said:
Maybe YOU are uncomfortable with breeders, and are projecting that onto them.
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No, I'm sure it's not. It's probably more to do with I have no interest in hearing about how little johnny is a genius or what he's doing tomorrow and how a chick with kids doesn't want to hear about my gaming adventures and how I want to buy a new sports car while they can barely pay rent. It's just a huge divide of common interests. It's kinda like a 35 year old girl with a kid hanging out with the free-spirited, immature 20 year old (me being the immature 20 year old lol). Older women with kids are much more catty than the 20 year olds, but 20 year olds don't have the same freedom as I have. It's a weird interaction. That's why I usually find friends in gay men.
 
Riiiiighhhht.

Arrogant with little to no sense of humor either. Sucks.

BTW arrogance usually is just a cover-up for insecurity.
 
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Lysis said:
Ever made a 4chan joke in front of a 35 year old woman? They look at you like you're the devil.
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OMG, you are speaking the truth! I'm 30 and I absolutely agree with you. Some of them talk to you as if you were a fucking CHILD, just because you happen not to have any children of your own... what about their faces when you tell them that you're not interested in being a mother? As if being a mother was a goal in itself...
Thanks for making me feel a little better about myself today ;)
 
munki said:
Riiiiighhhht.

Arrogant with little to no sense of humor either. Sucks.

BTW arrogance usually is just a cover-up for insecurity.
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More proof. You certainly have a lot of animosity against me. :D This is exactly what I'm talking about!

OMG, you are speaking the truth! I'm 30 and I absolutely agree with you. Some of them talk to you as if you were a fucking CHILD, just because you happen not to have any children of your own... what about their faces when you tell them that you're not interested in being a mother? As if being a mother was a goal in itself...
Thanks for making me feel a little better about myself today
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LOL!!! Yes! I forgot about the talking to you like you're a child, because you don't have one. Huh? I never understood it. I didn't get that until I was 30ish.

I'm not sure what it is. I don't want to say "jealousy," but I have gotten the "I wish I could throw away money like you do and be so selfish." I *am* selfish, so the blow is deserved, but I kinda take it as a stab at being free. I think it's just that society has us all trained that if you're over 30 and have no kids or no interest in kids, you have a problem. I admit that the whole kid thing has crossed my mind as to whether I want some, but I think I'm OK without them. But tell that to a single mom and they treat you like shit (the munki poster is a prime example).

Don't let the hateraiders get you down. There's nothing wrong with enjoying life without kids.
 
Actually I am not treating you like shit.

Like I said before: insecure much?
 
Lysis said:
I think it's just that society has us all trained that if you're over 30 and have no kids or no interest in kids, you have a problem.
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agreed. I struggle to understand why.

anyway, more on that 4chan joke-dropping!
 
as a late-20's guy, my observation has definitely been that marriage is rarely a huge life-altering event for my generation. most of the married couples my age lived together for a while beforehand (without kids) and plan to continue living together (without kids) for several years. they haven't disappeared off the face of the earth or limited their social circle to other married couples.

personally, i definitely plan on getting married. even if i could be logically convinced that it's not necessary, it's still something i value and look forward to.
 
Tude said:
Hi everyone :)

Like the title says, I'm a woman who is adamantly against getting married. I can't possibly be the only one, can I? I'm just trying to gauge my fellow woman's opinion on this, since all the women I know seem to want marriage, with the kids to go with it. By the way, I 100% don't want those either, but I think that's a topic for another post. So, what do you all think?
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I have never spoken to a woman before who has told me that she out-and-out opposes marriage. I'm not a woman, but I am not a big fan of marriage, either.

I just don't understand it and there's almost a strange bit of mysticism in the idea that I can't wrap my head around; it's the idea that this ceremony will truly solidify a couple's relationship and put them onto a whole new level of intimacy and closeness. If things are going well, then I see no reason for the ceremony other than maybe for practical purposes. (I am not close with my family, and so, for me, I would like my significant other to be the one making decisions as to my medical care... if you know what I mean.)

I'm not opposed to others marrying, of course, be it a man and woman, two men, two women, whatever, but I just don't like the idea of it for me.
 
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