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Am I the only woman against marriage?

Jean-Paul said:
ever since i was a kid, i knew i never wanted to have kids. i'd like to have my tubes tied. as for marriage, i can't see it ever really happening for me. i don't think i would go for the marrying kind. and i can't see myself doing it.
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If I didn't know any better, I'd swear I wrote this :D
 
No you are not alone, my friend, I think back to when we were kids all the little girls wanted to get married, and so on, I never had that thought/dream whatever, My parents divorced when I was 10 and no that did not effect my thoughts, I just dont want to get married I am 42 now and have been with the same man for 20 years now, I call him my DH or Domestic Husband, He has been married once for like 5 years, she sucked the life out of him, and I had to build that back up. I do love him, but thoughts of marriage um No.
 
That's what I want. I want to be with the same man my whole life. I don't think a piece of paper is necessary :) I wonder if I'll ever find that man, or if he even exists.
 
Tude, if thats what you want, you my as well get the paper...cause the papers not for you. Its for the government so you can keep your husbands things if he dies, decide medical and end of life decisions, and use his insurance if you dont have any of your own, to say nothing of taxes or other things. If you really dont want to get married, fine, but if your resoning is "I dont need a paper to tell me i love someone" you are right, but the government needs it. For better or for worse, this is the world we live in.

EDIT: all these benefits go the other way too, sorry, didnt mean to come off sexist
 
My parents got married 5 years ago after being together for a total of 44 years.
They had no use for the institution of marriage but wanted to protect each other rights to martial assets in case of death.
I didn't know they weren't married.

I used to think of marriage as just a piece of paper. It is a lot more than that now that I have the right partner to share a lifetime with. Although after recently going thru a 5 month separation, it would have been in my best financial interest to have not been married. The legal rights a partner has to martial assets is not always fair.
 
Why are most people here viewing marriage as a mystical religious thing? Where I live, it's strictly legal/financial. You can love your boyfriend and have kids with him. You can't legally protect him (to the extent you could if you were married) or your property if something bad were to happen. I see a lot of people saying here they don't want to get married "in case something bad happens", but that is often the reason why you should get married. I'm not going to get married for a long time, but I hate to see couples of 10+ years go through bullshit because their state/country doesn't recognize their "domestic partnership" and they were too arrogant/ignorant to "make it official" assuming it's "just a piece of paper". I'm not saying everyone should marry, or that everyone has to get married, but if you KNOW you're going to spend the rest of your life with this person, in most places it's foolish not to get married because of the legal benefits.
 
I know some women who are adamant about the 'never marry, never have child'. Some of them are actually old enough to make me think they will live up to their words.

@k-dazed: You're right. In some countries, anyway, civil unions are open also to opposite-sex couples. If I will ever marry, it will for sure be in 10-20 years (I won't even be settled down in a place before the late thirties, I guess), but I would consider civil unions even before that.
 
I dunno, my GF is against marriage on philosophical grounds. She does not want kids, and VERY adamant about that. She is in her early thirties so the argument by some posters that "it's only a young people thing to no want kids" seems incorrect. Empirical evidence from this and other posts in this thread shows more then one woman against marriage, so it seems the hypothesis the title of the thread is incorrect as it was unable to refute the null hypothesis.
 
rincewindrocks said:
Tude, if thats what you want, you my as well get the paper...cause the papers not for you. Its for the government so you can keep your husbands things if he dies, decide medical and end of life decisions, and use his insurance if you dont have any of your own, to say nothing of taxes or other things. If you really dont want to get married, fine, but if your resoning is "I dont need a paper to tell me i love someone" you are right, but the government needs it. For better or for worse, this is the world we live in.

EDIT: all these benefits go the other way too, sorry, didnt mean to come off sexist
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Is there a way to make medical/end of life decisions without being married? Like meeting with a lawyer beforehand and having something drawn up? That's the only thing that worries me.
 
Tude said:
That's what I want. I want to be with the same man my whole life. I don't think a piece of paper is necessary :) I wonder if I'll ever find that man, or if he even exists.
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yes.gif
Yes you will find him and he does exist, We first got together at 23, He wasnt even divorced yet, just separated, and he had a 3 year old that was his, but time went buy and he signed his parental rights away to that child and got divorced, and we have been together ever since, I am now 42 and he is 47, its Allot of work, allot of pain, allot of happiness, just plain WORK!! just like marriage.
 
I'm a woman and I'm against marriage too. My BF and I have been together for years and we share the same views about marriage.
We also agree on the NO KID policy... we're both in our early thirties BTW, so there goes that old 'women-in-their-thirties-desperately-want-kids' stereotype.
I have a few married friends and they seem very happy with their decision to get married, it just seemed like a natural thing to do for them.
 
Tude said:
Is there a way to make medical/end of life decisions without being married? Like meeting with a lawyer beforehand and having something drawn up? That's the only thing that worries me.
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Yes, you can ask a lawyer to draft a document for you, I think that's called a living will. You don't have to be married for that. You can name anyone to carry out your wishes in the event that you're not able to make or communicate these decisions yourself.
 
:P I'm on the fence on this one...

On the one hand, it looks to me like society is starting to get real comfy with the idea of getting bored of your partner, toss them out and go get a new one, the way you'd toss out an old pair of pants and get a new one. Not to mention the sexual freedom we have these days... When you're used to sex without commitment, it's kind of hard to MAKE a commitment. My ex had a fear of being stuck with just one penis. :P Really for her it wasn't a matter of avoiding control and domination by males... It was a matter of maximum cock consumption, aka sexual freedom.

On the other hand, we have that good old fashioned "pick someone and stick with them till you die" method. Crappy thing about that is you might just realize AFTER getting married that you ended up with a complete psycho who shares nothing in common with you... But I really do think it would be nice to meet someone I'd actually like to spend the rest of my life with, raise some kids with, etc.

The thing is I really want to raise my kids directly and be a part of their daily lives, every single day till they grow up and move out. That means being damn sure the relationship will last at least till the kids grow up...

I've toyed with the idea of being single forever, but there's just something inevitable about female companionship. Paper or no paper...

I even kind of miss my cheating ex with anger issues and horrible child-raising habits. I worry that one of these days, the mushrooms will convince me to tell her I miss her... :P I just don't miss the cheating, lying and yelling, so I'd inevitably sound kind of conflicted... "I HATE YOU!!! But I miss you... bitch..."
 
I havnt read all the thread yet sorry, just wanted to chime in that I'm against marriage, it's a form of social bondage invented when women were seen as tradeable property.

Not for me, but I do have married friends who are very happy so I don't know if I should really say I'm "against" it's just not for me. Give me liberty or give me death. If I am with someone it's because I want to be with them, not because I am contractually obliged.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Free_love

I am also childfree by choice.

http://www.childfree.net/
http://www.overpopulation.org/
 
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Tude said:
Hi everyone :)

Like the title says, I'm a woman who is adamantly against getting married. I can't possibly be the only one, can I? I'm just trying to gauge my fellow woman's opinion on this, since all the women I know seem to want marriage, with the kids to go with it. By the way, I 100% don't want those either, but I think that's a topic for another post. So, what do you all think?
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I felt the same way as the OP. From age 16-29 I swore I'd never get married and the thought of children made me physically sick. Babies creeped me out, period. Then at age 29 I got pregnant by a guy I had only known a few months. I decided to keep the baby and take a stab at a relationship. Jake is 13 months now and keeping the pregnancy was the best decision I'd ever made. My partner has proven to be an amazing man and father. I can't imagine a life without him. We are getting hitched in 3 months. I can't believe how close minded I was in my earlier years. It's a whole new life and I feel like I'm living my dream- something I was meant to do. My friends practically faint when I start talking about Baby #2. This is just my personal experience, not saying it could be the same for anyone else. I used to be the heavy partier/drinker, fast car driving, career-minded 20-something and that life was great. I'm glad I got to experience it. Now, my life has taken a sharp turn and it's like my eyes have finally opened. My sweet little boy greets me with a smile from his crib every morning and I can only compare it to a tiny glimpse of heaven. I'm lucky to have experienced both sides of the fence and I wouldn't change a thing ;)
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
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oh come on girls, i know you're all just waiting for prince charming with a big diamong ring.
 
My 10 month engagement did not have a ring. I did not want him to take on a payment plan for a ring. We saved the payments for the wedding.
 
People are taking marriage wayyyyyy to the extreme. I dislike it when people think they are open-minded and then insult people who believe the opposite.

Marriage isn't slavery and the child free movement is a bunch of extremists.

Relax. If people want to get married and it makes them happy, there is nothing wrong with that. Not only does it protect your finances and legal rights, but it also gives some people a sense of commitment. Nothing wrong with that. Also nothing wrong with the desire to have kids. Some girls just want them (some guys too!). The child free movement needs to STFU. Not wanting kids is totally fine, but hating on people who desire kids when it is totally a personal choice is dumb.
 
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