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am I being paranoid?

crashpow

Ex-Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 14, 2013
Messages
20
Been seeing this girl for a bit now, starting to like her. we always have fun together. we've both said we don't want anything serious or any commitment yet, but we see each other fairly regularly and often have sex.

some dude who's much cooler than me though (covered in tattoos and plays in a band) has now started showing interest, and is playing a gig here in a few weeks. except for being quite short he's better than me by a long shot.

although there's no commitment between us and she has every right to do what she likes, I have gotten a bit attached, and it would hurt to be bouyed off for some guy who she barley really knows.

it's weird though, just a few days ago she was complaining about how I don't seem to like her enough, and she's still arranged to see me knowing this guy is coming down.

weighing it up though

my advantages: slept with her a few times already, got my emotional hook in there a bit more maybe? she knows that i'm fun and we always have a joke and a laugh, I live here wheras he lives a good 3 hour drive away, still showing interest in me even knowing he's coming down and is making advances.

his advantages: much cooler/ more attractive than me

my disadvantages: not as cool as him

his disadvantages: lives far away, is 5'5 (no offence to short people but a lot of girls do consider it a disadvantage)

what would you girls do? tbh don't even know why I made this thread, I think i just wanted an unbiased perspective on where I stood.
 
This is really a tough call since you guys are not seriously dating, you can't really pin her down into not seeing other guys.. TBH sometimes it's not good to be in a fwb type of agreement because one way or another, one of you will start to have feelings.. How much do you like her? Do you think there is a possibility that you guys can start dating?
 
Do you want to get into a serious relationship with her? You need to ask yourself also, if this other guy wasn't showing interest
would this even be an issue? Or is it more like, you just don't want her to go out with him?
 
obviously she can get with him, she has no obligation not too, but I was more just wondering what the odds were considering the situation that she actually would.
 
does she mention him all the time to you? if she is showing interest in him as well she might.
 
she does yeah, tbh I think she probably will. I'm hoping that because he lives so far away it'll be a one off and she'll still want to see me. But sleeping with someone else will probably make her like me less. Ah fuck it, whatever happens happens.

this is the problem with liking attractive girls, there's always ten billion other people who want her too, and a lot of them are better than you.
 
hmm if you think he is better than you then you have accepted defeat.

up your game

no-one is better than me for i have hidden talents

my friend is hot and dated loads of butters dudes i wouldn't look twice at because she liked their personality. also she was on the pill, it can make you a relationship obsessed mess of hormonal imbalance

believe in yourself
 
Well, "if you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it" comes to mind... not marriage, obviously, but if she knows you really care about her/want more/would have a relationship with her this might be worth more than a fling. I know it would for me - I adjust my behaviour according to my expectations, and if I think a guy just wants a fwb arrangement I take more liberties than if I think we have a future together. She might be happy to give up cool tattooed guy for a guy who actually cares about her!
 
hmm if you think he is better than you then you have accepted defeat.

up your game

Exactly. If the idea of her sleeping with other men bothers you, then show her you're the only one worth sleeping with! We can't tell you what she'll do, but what you can do is do your best to make her want only you. You need to trust yourself!
 
Another thing is you can't really go by physical appearances, everybody brings something different to the table. You perceive this guy as being more "cool" but you probably have some cool things about you that set you apart.

Also the fact that this girl mentions him so freely could indicate nothing more than she feels comfortable talking to you. You mentioned that she said you don't seem to like her enough. It's also possible that she could be trying to gauge your reaction to see how you will react if she decides to go out with him.
 
She probably isn't going to run off with him. At worst she has a little fling while he's in town.

Also possible she is pushing your buttons : )
 
it's weird though, just a few days ago she was complaining about how I don't seem to like her enough, and she's still arranged to see me knowing this guy is coming down.

obviously she can get with him, she has no obligation not too, but I was more just wondering what the odds were considering the situation that she actually would.

There is a good chance she will. Eh, you had a chance, you aren't what she wants you to be, so why wouldn't she have fun with someone else? Good chance she'll have a fling with her, but she likely won't get serious with him, that's my thoughts.
 
Just got a text from her 'come meet me, you can stay over'. then, about ten minutes later 'actually i'm going bed ignore that'.
what was that about? I was meant to be seeing her tomorrow anyway.

Idk, I know that she likes me, I just think she probably likes him more. I perhaps wouldn't mind if she just sleeps with him once and still keeps seeing me. But the thing about it that pisses me off is that if this guy didn't have his band or tattoo's he wouldn't get shit. He's like 5'5, fairly chubby, a bit thick and not particularly handsome. He also seems (judging by his social media, perhaps not a fair judgment but it's all I have) to be a bit dull and boring, he doesn't seem much fun, seems to take himself quite seriously. Adding to the fact that she'll probably only see him once every now and then, and she hasn't actually met him yet, it seems a bit stupid to buoy me off when we always have a proper laugh and she quite obviously does like me.

I don't know, I don't like how girls seem to judge who's worthy of a relationship by who would look best on their facebook relationship status, not who's the best person to be with.
 
If she really seems to like you, in all possibility she may be mentioning.him to you to make you jealous. If she thinks you don't want a commitment and maybe she really does, this is a way to let you know, hey, get it together. Who knows though, I'm a chick and I can't even explain the thought processes behind the shit we do. If you want more than what it is, talk to her. Until then you can only guess.
 
it's not like i'm some totally square dude, I have facial piercings, longish hair and dress fairly 'alternative', I just choose to go to uni instead of starting a band and don't have money for tattoo's. anyway seeing her in a bit, we'll see how it goes.
 
Mate just step up to the plate and tell her how you feel. How hard is that?
Tell her that you like her heaps (or whatever), and will feel jealous if she sleeps with this dude.
Just be honest with her. She knows you like her, she likes you. It seems to me that she is using this other wombat to try and gauge your feelings or trying to make you make a declaration.
 
i definitely think youve invested alot thought in comparing yourself to him unnecessarily. to find the answer youre looking for, my only suggestion is to talk with the woman you are seeing. if you want to further know where you stand with her; be aware, the conversation may eventuate into her seeking a greater commitment from you. are you prepared for that? or do you simply want to be the alpha male as a potential challenge has appeared?

...kytnism...:|
 
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