Am i abusing Ketamine or am i on to something big??

[SpecialKmedical]

For the last 3years i have been indulging in semi frequent sesions with ketamine.
Sometimes i just go through a gram in day or two alone, and sometimes i use it with lsd or another psych.
I do this once in every 2month or so.

The thing is that during and days after i feel supercharged with mental, spirutual and emotional power!
I get access to my subconsious mind and my life just flows like nothing for a few weeks after.

Its really hard to explain but i have alot of traumas that usually blunts my emotions and makes me quite low and trapped in a dull place.
But my journey with psychs has gotten me to a place where i can deal with this.

However its only with ketamine i can let go of everything and feel like a god among mortals and just live without fear and take what i want from life!

Also i know im not just delusional and think these things happen too.
Ive been able to find new ways to basicly live without working and found "life hacks" too get by with using less energy than before.

My only concern is that i will get trapped in a serious addiction someday.
The pull of ketamine is very heavy, and every time i get on it its harder to go off!

I usually only buy 1-2grams so it only lasts me a couple days with me basicly staying high 12hours a day untill im done.
Then i do t touch it again untill after 4-8weeks.
However i dont hole much but find a sweet spot where im wonky but functional enough to do stuff without anyone noticing.
However i do go to a hole or two every run to reset my ego.


My trick to avoid addiction has been to stay in very good shape both physical and mentally.
Basicly i need to train my ego to withstand the effects of the K.
It will test you and wants to break you into submission.
But if you refuse it and show it that you are its master then it will reward you with godlike powers.
Show it that you wont give up your health and well being for its sake and you will be fine.
I never dose early in the am but instead make sure i have worked out first and filled myself with nutritious food and alot of water.
I megadose vitamins, minerals and healthy fats.
You can never let it break you or it will eat your soul and spit it out to hell.
Ive been to dark places and refuse to go back.
Im in control and every time i dose i need to cement it further.

 

[AA357]

Yeah 1-2 grams every couple of days is definitely excessive. Ketamine doesn't seem to cause physical dependence but it does cause major organ damage.

TBH it surprises me how people don't get bored of using dissociatives every day.

 

[SpecialKmedical]

No not 1-2g every day lol.
I buy1-2g in one go but i only have a sesion like this every 1-2months.
I though i wrote that but i guess i didnt.
I edited my op.

So far i dont have much of a tolerance and i 100-150mg im still holes me hard!

 

[Transform]

150mg I.M. ketamine is a big dose!

Heavy ketamine use can cause pretty serious bladder damage. I would say your use is excessive. 2g over a couple of days is a LOT.

 

[Mysterie]

Ya it seems like ur not really that in control if u are binging for 2 days straight going through a gram or 2 IM. It can't be healthy for your body either..

If u want to test your self control try using 1 dose once a month.

I need 100-150mg of k to hole IM as well, and I never abused it in the past, but I did with mxe 2 yrs ago. Some ppl just need a bigger dose than others as well tho.

 

[SpecialKmedical]

Ive done smaller sesions sometimes aswell.
They can be nice but doesnt give me much except a short high with a few insights.

The true power of transformation seems to come from being without the ego for prolonged times.
Basicly i live normal day but with the total feeling of being present in the now.

The reason i do IM is because i do alot of breathing work and snorting it clogs my nose up bad!
Also the effects are more powerful and feels more in my cns and less in my head.
Its also less confusing and easier to dose.

Other that my ketamine habit i dont do any hard drugs at all.
No stims except mdma 1time a year.
Never touched opiates or benzos more than a handfull and i dont drink or smoke cigs.
I can indulge in cannabis a few times per week though.

I work partime as a personal trainer when i feel like it.
Im in good shape and only eat healthy food.

Ive researched for many years about the effects of various drugs and was under the thought that ket was only bad for you with heavy abuse?
I can feel a bit drained for a day or two after a sesion but nothing worse than after taking lsd or some other psych.

But what kind of damage could this cause then?
Is it hard on my kidneys or what??
Im truly curious since i dont want to mess myself up and would like to be able to use ket in moderation for the rest of my life.
If that means cutting down my use then so be it.

I have taken breaks for over 6months 2times and not felt any urge to go take it during that time.
However ive noticed my "flow" being best at the rate ive mentioned.

 

[AA357]

No not 1-2g every day lol.
I buy1-2g in one go but i only have a sesion like this every 1-2months.
I though i wrote that but i guess i didnt.
I edited my op.

So far i dont have much of a tolerance and i 100-150mg im still holes me hard!

Got you - your post reads a lot clearer now.
The fact that you've been able to limit yourself to one session per 1-2 months for the past 3 years shows you have self-control, which is the most important thing. NO drug will get you addicted/dependent if you have the self-control to use it that infrequently... not even crack or heroin (as long as you don't binge for too long). I'd be more concerned about the toxicity of going through such a large amount in such a short space of time.

 

[SpecialKmedical]

Just to make clear, im fully aware how delusional this stuff may sound!

But i just finished a very giving sesion yesterday which brought me alot of clarity and peace.
Im still in the zen like state that the drug brings.

In few days my rational mind will be back to full control and all of this will once again be a fantasy of my subconsious.

Its the contrast of these 2 states that i feel gives me the full spectrum of life.
The ying and yang of the human experience.
Rational and scientific aswell as irrational and supernatural.
As long as one can keep some distance to the crazy world of the astral plane i think it is safe.
But if you take it to far and let it consume you it will.

Also do feel the need to add that before i started playing with ketamine i was very in to ayahuasca and i still am!
I have regular sesions with a trained shaman and i use many amazon medicines along with rape(mapacho), kambo, san pedro and low doses of datura.
Im also a fan of amanitas and other mushrooms like the psilocybes and chaga.

I feel the plants protecting me and actually supporting me when i travel to the realms of keta.

 

[Listening]

Im in control.

If you say so. I have a weak spot for MXE. At times it has helped me see the potential in life where otherwise I would be paralyzed, so I can relate to what you're talking about. I think dissociatives can indeed have very positive effects for some people under certain circumstances.

However, your post appears sort of defensive, and obviously you are seeking approval (look at your title). This is a warning sign. No one here can give you approval for what you are doing. Is it safe physically? Maybe, maybe not. Is it safe psychologically? Maybe, maybe not. Will you become dependent? Maybe, maybe not.

Tread carefully. Take the good that you've received and run with it, but don't chase after it or you may wind up chasing your own tail.

Good luck.

 

[SpecialKmedical]

I guess one can not be sure when playing with something called psychedelic heroin!!

There is not much info about people using ketamine like this.
Most is just single trip reports or horror stories about serious addiction.

Im trying to practice my own kind of shamanism with many different teachers including ket.
Im treading on new lands so i guess there is still doubt.

I feel i need to learn more about the dangers i may risc.
If im setting myself up for a trainwreck then i need to change my ways.
Thats why i made this thread, to learn more and to get anyone else to share what they know.

 

[VerbalTruist]

Your post sounds more like, "Hey guys, I'm not crossing a line... Right?" Rather than, "This is safe and I know it."

You're binging on Ketamine. Sure it's once a month, but it's still once a month. Three years of binge drug use are bound to effect you in certain ways.

You sound like many heavy ketamine/drug users I've encountered in the past... You're moderately to seriously delusional about the effects and benefits you aren't really receiving. Meanwhile, I'd bet good money that even in your self-control your use has increased over the past three years.

You're not on to something big. You're using a seriously mind-altering substance in a consistent, heavy way. You are changing your psyche by manipulating it with drugs.

Say that you're treading on new lands, but the reality is that you aren't. Many people have gone there before and many will follow. Ketamine isn't without it's dangers... Bladder and kidney damage are the physical, but there is also the very real potential that you damage the way that you perceive the world around you... Rather that you have some sort of serious psychological effect on yourself.

But hey, what do I know? I'm just some asshole on a forum.

 

[tacodude]

IMO people here are bugging out more than they should. While I do agree your dose is high (I like 30-60 mg im or 15-25 iv) your use is infrequent, which is good.

Ketamine is being researched for an anti depressant just remember k and the act of injecting always comes with risks.

 

[Thomas Davie]

Even if you're not abusing it (and I think you are), you're not on to anything 'big'.

Here's a test; buy 10g, 25g----a larger amount, and see if you can keep to your schedule.

Tom

 

[Mysterie]

Don't accept the challenge op... Your pride is not worth 25 grams of ketamine

 

[Thomas Davie]

Don't accept the challenge op... Your pride is not worth 25 grams of ketamine

It wasn't a challenge, and I apologize if it sounds like that. It is my gallows humor expressing disbelief in OP's non abuse of ketamine and my belief that he/she is not on to something big.

Tom

OP; I'm not sure whether bladder/uro-genital tract damage is cumulative or not, but I would be careful. I've lived with kidney failure for over 14 years, and I hope never to have to piss into a bag.

Tom

 

[jammin83]

I agree with taco on this one. If you're doing anything only once a month you are doing quite well. If it's working for you, keep doin' what you do.

edit: listening makes some great points as well, he always gives pretty sound advice.

 

[SpecialKmedical]

Lol reading my posts a few days after sure makes me sound batshit insane.

Like i said before, i can def distance myself from the delusional mindstate ketamine brings once im out of a binge or sesion or whatever its called.

And about my frequency i can honestly say that i do less ketamine or any drug for that matter now than 2years ago.

Every bbnge i have is less recreational and more serious in nature.
I used to be all about holing and getting wonked up.
Now i feel its more about getting deeper in my emotions and i actually try to release negative emotions.
So i take it to be able to feel my anxiety or fear which i may block in my sober life.

And just like i wouldnt buy 1000whippets of n20 or 1pound of candy i would not buy a huge amount of ketamine.
Im fully aware that i will be temporarily "hooked" to the sweetness of the drug.

Im def not looking for anyone to tell me im in control or to say this is good.
Im more curious if there are others using ketamine like this?

Also why would my or anyones ketamine experiences be more delusional than shamans talking about plant spirits or mckennas mumbojumbo.
Its all hallucinations in my mind no matter the drug.

However people tend to call one camp enlightened and the other delusional.
Why is this.

 

[Thomas Davie]

OP; I'm not knocking you, but the original title of your post is structured as a question. And, you know, people tend to answer what is asked.

In any event, because of my health problems, I wouldn't touch K. Even if you are healthy, the possible cumulative damage you could end up doing to your bladder (even through infrequent, but large use) is a real risk to consider.

And you are looking for opiniosn, which is why you asked a question.

Stay safe.

Tom