alcoholism thread

[Depone]

now im drinkiing 5lt of red wine.....i go to rehab tommorow after court....for 6mtnths....how i will break my addidcition to everything i dont know....sniffing silver paint and drinkin red wine....fark desperate messuressssss

 

[cucarot]

I am not going to drink for a while, and stop this vicious cycle. I am taking your advice. I shouldn't be anyways because of my daughters, but I was just feeling lonely. I have came to far to mess up now though. They are very dependant on me as their mother and even though my drinking hasn't been detected by others yet, it would be later if I continue down this path. I don't want to fail my kids or myself like that. Time to grow up, and face my sadness without booze. Wish me luck!

good luck Stella

it's easier than you thought

:D

 

[subopm420]

damn dude silver paint? you probably need to be going to rehab, no offense or anything. it will do you good though. and like you say 'how can i break this addiction?' well, thats what rehab is for; when you cant do it on your own. best of luck though, eh?

 

[usdathashield]

damn rehab for 6 months as well? good luck mate

 

[B9]

I am not going to drink for a while, and stop this vicious cycle. I am taking your advice. I shouldn't be anyways because of my daughters, but I was just feeling lonely. I have came to far to mess up now though. They are very dependant on me as their mother and even though my drinking hasn't been detected by others yet, it would be later if I continue down this path. I don't want to fail my kids or myself like that. Time to grow up, and face my sadness without booze. Wish me luck!

Delighted to hear this Stella , keep on and in touch



I too am stopping drinking ~ not drugging though !

 

[Kerrigan]

Shite. Who am I going to get drunk with and chat to over MSN now?! This has ruined my life.

But yeah, good luck and all that. Christ, those words, like a broken record...
"Good luck."
"Good luck."
"Good luck."
"Good luck."
"Good luck."
"Good luck."
%)

 

[usdathashield]

any updates on our fellow alkies? ive been sober 30 days... too too too long...

however a 500 pay check is coming thursday... thats when the real test begins...

why not have alcohol? its always pure... dont have to deal with shady dealers...
and its always there for you...

 

[Xorkoth]

why not have alcohol? its always pure

Good job with your 30 days! Perhaps something to help you is that, first of all, alcohol is not pure unless it's everclear (even then it's not 100% pure). it contains plenty of other things, which give it its color and can add to hangovers. Even more than that, though, is that alcohol, while pure (minus extra stuff), is one of the most poisonous and damaging drugs that there is even in pure form.

 

[Xorkoth]

Delighted to hear this Stella , keep on and in touch

I too am stopping drinking ~ not drugging though !

Great to hear, Zophen and Stella!!

I know you're both making the correct choice. Drugs are much better for you than alcohol (which, the American government tells us, is not a drug: "drugs and alcohol" creates that distinction!)

 

[thujone]

I didn't think there would be so many serious players in this thread... wow. So far I've been able to stop drinking every day but have still been a hard drinker whenever I do decide to drink, so I'm officially going completely sober. I also just started Wellbutrin so it's probably best not to push it... Well, hasta la vista alcohol... see ya in a few months maybe, it's time to go searching for rails so I can get by life back on track

 

[usdathashield]

im looking foreward myself to begin the cycle of drinking multiple times daily again.

its better off that then heroin or meth or crack i suppose

 

[sushii]

^ Not in the amounts that you consume. Come on, you're not stupid - you know full well how dangerous your excessive drinking is. Quit trying to rationalise it.

You're 30 days sober. That's quite an achievement. Why are you giving up so easily?

 

[usdathashield]

ive been dead broke with nothing else to pawn in (pawned my ipod hockey equipment playstaion 2)

i would have never stopped drinking...

i do not like sobreity. i love alcohol. i dont really drink to escape. i drink becuase its fun to drink all the time.

so i guess im not giving up cuz i wasnt trying in the first place.

i gotta be sober till thursday.. then im getting 500... that should keep me drunk for many a day. plus my tolerance must be down so its all in the green. i can taste the smirnoff now...

 

[sushii]

You don't seem happy when you're drunk. In fact, it seems to bring all your problems to the surface.....

dying inside fucked if i do or dont want to drink till death just feel the OD coming on and let the music fade. nothing i want more friends trying to hold me back, maybe i just should binge it out get hell from my dad beg him to not thro me out of my house and go to in patient rehab (so terrifying dont want to go)

i hurt so bad that i want t okill people i wajnt to hurt please kiol e

i tried killin myswelf i cut my wrist but my dad stopped me so now im alivein pai n u kjno whats fucked uo tho? i drank on 3 percs, and lived? does god want mtm t to suffer?

ive been wanting to commit suiced for moths, wont work tho ium su fucking weak, even when im drunjkk if a grab a knife to my wrist i cant do it, imve alwyas been a fucking wea kp ersoni hope i die during wd's i can cut my throat

I'm not trying to be an asshole, but how on earth is what you've experienced in the last month sober any worse than what you were going through as an addict?

 

[usdathashield]

its been worse because im not a big fan of sobreity. i wish i had never said those things... extremely embarrassing stuff. i need to learn how to keep my mouth shut in situations like those. ive learned now that drinking is the way to go..

 

[Kerrigan]

sushii is, as always, correct. I have made the choice, just today in fact, to stop using alcohol; it has wrecked my body. Understand that you will end up in agony yourself, usdathashield, should you continue abusing alcohol; it can/will destroy your life.

You have a life. You simply have no hobbies, or anyone to enjoy it with. Try to find these things. At the moment I have oil painting, and I'm fixing a friend's motorcycle; 125CC Yamaha, which is unfortunate, as there's no local 'Yamaha Dealer' as the book implies is absolutely necessary, even when replacing a tyre! I have also enrolled onto the spiritual path in Christianity, where I will soon be baptised and will begin classes.

Art, mechanics and spirituality. Those are at least three of my hobbies that require no intoxication at all, and are yet amazingly fun.

Painting, drawing, sketching, photography, writing, typing and reading keep my mind up-to-date with interesting words, interesting new ideas, philosophical theories and paradigms, even just what's going on out there in the 'real world'!

They also act as an outlet for my creativity, which focuses mostly upon the impossible; I've begun painting some slightly-psychadelic induced images, which I am hoping to perhaps sell in the near future. I am always researching for the upcoming book that never seems to get more than 100 pages in before I lose interest in the theme, giving me the impression that I require more of a muse; more experience with life; more anecdotes from fantastic trips (physical and spiritual) to morph into plot.

Photography is a personal favourite; I love to capture moments of pure realism, without the fake side of things that comes from pre-arranged portraits and whatnot. I just capture people; I capture fragments of their lives; pieces of time that can never be replaced!

As for fixing up motorbikes, well it's something I love doing. I love riding them, however I'd gladly fix this friend's 125CC for nowt; he saved my life after I fell into an alcohol-induced anaesthetic coma, which incidentally lead me to quit drinking. I love the scent of the oil, the roaring purr of the engine, and the way it feels when I sit on it; how it responds to my hands and feet and general touch; how the danger is there so that any mistake could end my life.

I have not so much 'found God' as begun to shape my own ideas regarding religion, and have chosen the idea of Christianity due to Durham cathedral's general holiness: I have never felt a more serene place, or seen a more beautifully crafted building (inside of England) than that. Peace and serenity are all that I truly seek, and of course to spread hope and love, whether it be through Jesus or simply through good deeds...

Try cooking. Try reading. Try to do something; get a job, work with people, make friends, go out with them for kicks, end up with a girl, get married, have children. That sort of thing.

Physical labour is exhausting but rewarding. Spend some time in a job such as that; build your muscles, even, whilst doing it. Enjoy your hard-earned money, but do not spend it on alcohol.

You cover up your problems by abusing alcohol. You honestly seem to do so; you are suicidal by nature, it appears, and if you are going to try cutting your wrists whilst drunk then I would certainly decide against drinking again!

If you must spend the money on drugs, then please spend it on something such as weed, or even opiates. They're fairly harmless, although with the latter it's the lifestyle that destroys you; the chemical ensnares you with its seductive embrace, allowing you to feel a little better, and the world to become a little brighter, whilst the physical withdrawals keep you coming back for more.

Take care, and please take heed; many of us have been in your position and done worse. Look at myself! Today, I felt somewhat painful in the areas that I was before, immediately after my last binge more than two years ago. That indication alone was enough to trigger my quitting; the drink ain't for me! Just in small amounts, irregularly perhaps, but a new habit of drinking a bottle of spirits every day? No thankyou. What have I been thinking?!

If anything, drink only lager/beer. I do care, so feel free to PM me anytime you wish, regarding anything related to alcohol or otherwise. I wish that I wasn't so restricted in the number of ways I can provide such help, however I would like to.

 

[SmC]

I am drinking a lot lately. I think it is merely because I am lonely from my recent break up. I have been finding myself self medicating with alcohol. When will it end? I just want love, but I am trying to be patient, but it still hurts. You know?

I was going down that route but seem to have freed myself from the pain without alcohol, which was starting to do more harm than good.

 

[sushii]

its been worse because im not a big fan of sobreity. i wish i had never said those things... extremely embarrassing stuff. i need to learn how to keep my mouth shut in situations like those. ive learned now that drinking is the way to go..

Don't be embarrassed, we've all had our own meltdowns here. Keeping your mouth shut is unhealthy.....this forum (and the internet in general) is a good way to get all that stuff out. It can also be surprising what you can learn from reading over comments that you've made in other mindsets at other times. It's easy to forget your mistakes otherwise.

And call me stupid, but somehow I think you're downplaying your problems. There's obviously stuff haunting you, whether in your past or present. Drinking isn't just 'fun', it's an escape. If it wasn't, finding other stuff that was 'fun' wouldn't be so hard and sobriety wouldn't be such a challenge.

What you do is entirely up to you. Put me on ignore if my incessant rambling about psychiatrists and psychologists and CBT drives you nuts; I'm sure others have. :D But if I could ask you to do one thing - before you decide to resume drinking, do a search for your posts on BL and read through them. All of them. Then ask yourself: will anything be different this time? Do I want to be in that position again? Is it worth it? What other options do I have?

And please keep in touch via this thread, or others. We're going to worry about you otherwise.

 

[usdathashield]

seriously kerrigan... thanks for the post man... big time dude.

my problem is im not interested in anything but being wasted? very unhealthy thing no doubt.

yeah sushi i downplay my problems so i dont have to face them. been doing it for one year now. i really appreciate both your posts sushi and ker.

but ive been sober long enough... and i can taste the smirnoff already. just need to wait till thursday 10 am when the liqour store opens... and all problems go away for good. so things are finally going to look up for me.

cant wait to feel happy again, and to go back to drinking 3-4 times a day

 

[Xorkoth]

just need to wait till thursday 10 am when the liqour store opens... and all problems go away for good

Come on, now... do you really believe that? Wasn't it drinking that got you into this mess in the first place? You're hiding, man. Hiding all the time is very unhealthy

Good luck. Remember that we all care about and love you.