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alcoholism thread

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Ain't life a bitch.

Got myself along to the old AA, things have been looking up. Feeling generally happy with myself.

Today I discovered that one of my "friends" - as yet unknown, has been fucking my ex. Now I know I'm not due any sympathy here, everything went wrong of my own doing, but it's shit like this that makes me want to tune out of reality again - deserving it doesn't make it hurt any less. Escapism seems more appealing than hunting the cunt down and stamping his face into the concrete... Which is definitely saying something.

The frustrating thing is not knowing who it is... I don't want to escape to my nearest friend only to discover they're the bastard responsible for my current misanthropy.

That would be the punchline like...
 
If she's your ex, why should it bother you? Be happy for them. Find yourself a new GF. Life goes on. Don't let it go on without you.

Felixonapedestal said:
Today I discovered that one of my "friends" - as yet unknown, has been fucking my ex.
...
The frustrating thing is not knowing who it is... I don't want to escape to my nearest friend only to discover they're the bastard responsible for my current misanthropy.
Click to expand...
 
I'm going to try hard not to drink for a while, just to see how long I can go [optimistic guess would be a full week].

Truly, I don't enjoy being drunk, unlike my other near-daily addictions of caffeine and cannabis. Might as well cut the weaker link out of the equation, and try to salvage what little phyiscal & economic health I can for now.
 
Doing better now, I have cut down my alcohol consumption to 3 to 4 at the most. I did go out and get wasted once or twice but it was a weekend.
 
Off to group again tonight. Think I need it - my mood seems to fly from absolutely ecstatic to complete morbid depression every five seconds. I think the thing that's pissing me off at the moment is the lack of faith people have in you when you try and sort yourself out - it's as if they're just wanting you to fuck up. It's hard to believe in yourself when no one else does.
 
Nope. Managed to go out to a psytrance night tonight as well and not touch anything - though admittedly I've found myself completely out of energy really really quickly. I think that's more to do with me being unhealthy more than anything else... All in good time. Feeling a lot better than I did earlier on as well - I think I needed just to give my head some time off and have a good old fashioned stomp about.

Group was interesting - a much more varied mix of people than usual and I heard all the things I needed to hear to be quite honest.

Thanks for the support mate :)
 
I've been drinking daily for close to a year now (about 9-10 months.) As I type this I'm drinking. I love to drink. It has always made me feel better and perform better at anything. I've done every single drug I've ever wanted to do and thats a pretty steep list. I've never been addicted to anything except pot (which I know sounds dumb but I just loved to get high) and I had to quit weed due to it causing anxiety. The one and only drug I've never been able to get away from is booze.
I'm 19 and I'm an alcoholic... It's weird to hear those words come out of my mouth but I know its true. I've had a couple bouts with the bottle. The first one was when I was a freshman in high school which lasted about 5 months. The one I'm currently in is my longest ride on the wagon. I don't completely understand why I drink. I know I enjoy it. I know I drink when I have a problem in my life. Right now Booze is about to cost me my relationship with a beautiful girl who has helped get my life on track for the most part. I just can't put the shit down. When I don't drink I shake so bad its near impossible for me to put in my contacts. My forehead and palms sweat. I feel sick when I don't drink. My mind races and I get soooo anxious (I'm prescribed clonazepam [klonopin,k-pins] for anxiety)
One of my big motivators for drinking was my anxiety. But to be totally honest I never take my pills when I need them. I'd rather grab a cold one than take a k-pin and not be able to drink the next day. Another reason was because I got extremely depressed. I tried to kill myself multiple times. Then I fell in love with booze again...
My whole family has a massive history of alcoholics. My ma, pa, grandma, granddad, cousins, nephews, EVERYONE is/was an alcoholic. I was told that I have a 500-600% chance that I will be an alcoholic. I just can't stop and it hurts so bad to say this for my girlfriend and her wonderful baby... But I just don't want to. I know that at AA they tell you no one wants to stop. But you have to.
Its sad to look at my unclce. He was a legit genius in school and could play the clarinet like a bastard. He had a scholarship for college and a beautiful girlfriend. He started drinking , lost his scholarship, his amazing job, and he beat the fuck out of his wife and kids. Eventually he ended up face down in new york in a puddle of piss and vomit and then he went to AA and cleaned up. I look at that as a motivator... I'm 19 and I know the day I hit 21 that will be me. I'm sorry for rambling. I've read every single post in this thread and it has only made me realize how bad I am. I should go to AA for the sake of my health but more importantly my wonderful relationship.
If I could go back a few months and slow down I guess I would. But the way my life has been going I don't want to. I have no job. I feel like I'm about to loose my wonderful girl. And on top of all that I will be homeless come november. Thank you all for listening. This is my favorite forum on BL.
 
Fucking lack of help in fucking shit run down poverty striken area of city where they expect you to be an alcoholic and because of this do not offer help. Only way to get help is to commit a crime or attempt suicide.

Do not tell me to go to AA.
 
Update

I'm going to my first AA meeting tonight at 8pm. My girl just left me due to my drinking and getting drunk and arguing with her. I'm honestly looking forward to it. I'm really hoping I can win this battle. Its already beaten me so far. But I think my girl leaving me gave me a good kick in the ass. She told me if I got sober she would take me back. I think that knowing I can be with her again is all I need to help me get off the wagon. I'm already starting to withdraw right now which sucks:p but I'll deal with it. I think I can do it and I will give it every last ounce of my willpower and strength to get sober. This thread has been a huge help to me. I wish everyone that has posted here the best of luck. Alcohol is one tough bitch but remember that we're all stronger than that. And only WE can quit, no one can do it for us. Its not easy and its not pleasant at all. As I'm typing this I'm shaking and sweating. But if this is what it takes I'll man up.
 
So I didn't go to AA last night. I ended up watching the Sox sweep the fucking series(sober.) But I just talked to my ex a few minutes ago and I want to drink soooo fucking bad. I'm trying hard not too but I just can't deal with shit anymore. Its like this... I got no problem being sober. But when I am sober I'm fucking miserable. The problem I have right now can't be drank away but wtf. I feel like if I stay sober I might end up doing something worse than drinking my problems away. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel so empty. I can't stand this shit anymore
 
It's 1:00pm and I'm about to pour a 50/50 glass of juice / smirnoff blue (50% alc/vol)

In my defense I went out and trained today (road cycling) and got 3 hours of immunology study done...

Time to chill back, listen to some music, watch antiques roadshow then play some online games.

Fucking alcohol, drinking everyday, but I'm functioning alright... I think... my gut is getting destroyed.
 
C00P said:
So I didn't go to AA last night. I ended up watching the Sox sweep the fucking series(sober.) But I just talked to my ex a few minutes ago and I want to drink soooo fucking bad. I'm trying hard not too but I just can't deal with shit anymore. Its like this... I got no problem being sober. But when I am sober I'm fucking miserable. The problem I have right now can't be drank away but wtf. I feel like if I stay sober I might end up doing something worse than drinking my problems away. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel so empty. I can't stand this shit anymore
Click to expand...

It will get better if you stick with it and have the right attitude. You will be able to deal with the problem you have easier sober then drunk. It may be more painful, but you can do it.
 
AA has a basic creed that may actually help with whatever you're going through even without AA.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Click to expand...
i'll admit, its not something i routinely practice, but it makes a whole lot of sense to me.
 
i never liked the steps.
i'm not totally powerless over alcohol...mostly, but not totally. if i have something worth not drinking for then i'll do that instead.
i didnt like the higher power part either. i dont get that. doesnt have to be god eh? well then what is a higher power?
and the sponsorship never worked for me either. i prefer to do things on my own, but i cant progress through the program until i accomplish all these 12 things...didnt work for me.
to be honest, i've really withdrawn during times when i drink heavily. i've gotten to the point where i say things i dont mean. every now and then i turn into a sorta mean drunk. i hate that. my dad was a mean as fuck drunk and i hate the thought that i would put anyone down while intoxicated. if its jokingly, thats one thing...but i've been told that i have been very cruel at times....i really hate when i wake up the next day and more and more ppl arent speaking to me.
 
^ Thats been happening to me a lot lately. I fucked up a few weeks ago. Lost a great job opportunity. I'm gonna give it another try though. See if I can really clean up. I feel like such an asshole though. I was doing so good and I fucked up.
 
shit happens man. i think pretty much any person in AA would tell you that they definitely didnt get it right the first time.
 
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