A lot of people on here have thoughts about returning to normal drinking(Yes, actually something minuscule like 2 beers, max). Anyone in AA has had such thinking hammered, because an alcoholic cannot drink, ever, because one is too many...
There is truth to both beliefs, the problem is if you are wrong, are the consequences really worth finding out you cannot enjoy a glass of wine anymore?
Shortly after I got out of rehab, something never before happened to me- I thought I could have some champagne with brunch. Two day later I was taken to an E.R. for acute intoxication.
THIS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE IT WAS POUNDED INTO MY BRAIN????
I tried some more "normal drinking" here an there, to satisfy an urge that was anything but normal.
Bad relapses happened a couple more times with decreasing severity over the year then two, awful beyond description nonetheless, before everything clicked; the urge left me and I guess my brain had healed enough in between relapses and efforts to stay sober. To me that "click" was subtle, the only thing I noticed was that I did not crave a drink. Some of us know that subtle or not, I experienced a sort of miracle, never mind that and angels did not pour fourth from the sky!
I went without drinking for 8-9 months, and out of curiosity had a few beers. I felt light headed and uncomfortable, almost ill feeling so I stopped. I felt like crap the next day and could feel my blood pressure up, anxiety too. Did not drink again till one night I went out, and to loosen up decided to have more than a few. I danced, felt very "off", blank brained, I felt like my personality had walked off leaving a drunk idiot, barely able to hold a conversation with women or even my friends in a satisfactory way. I drank probably about a sixpack maybe more that night, but five hours later was getting sweats, chills, and other things that I know from experience aren't simply hangover. Anxiety and high bp the next day and a general ill feeling into the second.
I used to drink a 6er easy and be "fine", but even after two years almost totally sober, my body and my mind have changed. Sometimes I like to think to myself I can drink normally now, maybe have a couple of beers in a year, but anything more and the hangover effects now keep me from doing so. That is another alcoholic miracle for me. I avoid drinking anything now even at social events because the opposite has occurred, it makes me feel off. I guess that's a miracle too.
Above all, now, what keeps me from trying to be a normal drinker is simply the fact that: One, I'm not a normal drinker, so get over it; Two, things are okay for me now, why in the fvck would I ever risk going back to before when the consequences are so disastrous.
Sober from pills and alcohol now for over three years, my social life is minimal. I've reverted to my natural state of mostly preferring my own company. I wish I was dating more, but stress from that has been one of my achilles heels, so I just count on the stars to align (and they occasionally do!). I feel anxiety and stress in social situations, sober or not.
But all these things about myself that used to make me drink I've learned to accept over the alternate hell I've lived through. To feel good physically to surf WHENEVER the waves are pumping and not drown, to wake up without a headache, to live without all the fear (I can't sleep!, bills!, so and so sent me a wierd txt!) all adds up to make me feel better than good about not even picking up one glass- even though I've proved to myself I can, for what that's worth.
My point is, you are not missing a damn thing by not "enjoying a beer or two". I'm definitely not saying it can't be done, but after all an alcoholic goes through, why even bother to risk so much.
The very real and very high risk will always be there. Try to argue that one.
I'd much rather go through life knowing that, say when a loved one passes away, that I won't soon follow because I decided that I'd drink myself through my pain, and right into the palms of one insane nightmare I'd forgotten about when I needed to remember it most.
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
