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Alcoholism Thread V. ti martwonies

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I'm going to set up an appointment with one of the psychiatrists the state will pay for. I really doubt hes going to put me on benzos but I can only pray. I refuse to take any ssri's and if he gives them to me im just going to hold onto them or throw them out and say they dont work.

I think if I went on something like klonopin or Valium it would be ideal for my situation.

The booze just makes me crazier then I already am
 
I also feel like I wouldn't need to drink if I were put on a decent dose of benzo's indefinatelty. I still probably would drink often but not as much.

I think its bullshit people can't take whatever drugs and medications they want. I have to go around and trick a bunch of doctors into writing scripts for drugs I know more about than they do.

I take drug tests and the doctor who does them prescribes me valium to be taken once or twice a week. When the test results came back as having oxazepam and temazepam in my system (both metabolites of diazepam) he accused me of swapping my valium for serepax and temazepam. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. It pisses me off to think this idiot has the right to hand out scripts for valium but I can't choose to take it myself without a doctors permission.
 
^^^

Because most people do not know as much as you or I when it comes to these medications. Lots of people are way to dumb to be able to be able to choose their own medicine.

Anyways I am on day 2! I was able to get a full nights sleep. Feeling pretty good today. Really think the taper helped.
 
^ Well my personal belief is that someone should have to consult a doctor or parmacist but ultimately make their own choice. It is bullshit to need a doctors "permission" to take a medication of your choosing.

You could argue that many aren't as educated in the use of illegal drugs as we are on this site but I still believe it should be any adults legal right to do so.
 
drug_mentor said:
^ Well my personal belief is that someone should have to consult a doctor or parmacist but ultimately make their own choice. It is bullshit to need a doctors "permission" to take a medication of your choosing.

You could argue that many aren't as educated in the use of illegal drugs as we are on this site but I still believe it should be any adults legal right to do so.
Click to expand...

Fair enough, we will just have to agree to disagree.
 
I was sober for 13 days. Almost lost my job but clung onto it (British Army for 13, nearly 14 years). I met a girl in AA's whom I love to bits, when she's sober.

I'm such an emotional fuck-up, I think (pop psychology there).

It's her Birthday today so she texted me last night saying she'd got 4 cans of Stella Artois and 2 litres of cider and she'd started drinking. So I texted back and said "I don't want you drinking on your own, 'cos I know how much it can fuck your head up. I'm coming over." She texts back saying "yeah, I don't want you to drink but if you want to come over do it". This was about 5pm yesterday.

I live on the barracks and a few weeks ago we had a block party (I was on the wagon at this point so I wasn't drinking) and there was still a half-full bottle of Jim Beam in the shared kitchen. I filled up an empty Lucozade bottle half Jim Beam and half Coke and started drinking it on my way to the bus stop outside the barracks. 13 days sober and started feeling better about myself down the drain!

I caught the bus because I've recently lost my license for a year by declaring to the DVLA that I had a drink problem. I have a beatiful jet black SAAB 9-3 (150Bhp, turbo diesel) sitting on the barracks that I'm not allowed to drive, so I'm trying to sell it at the moment.

She texted me on the bus saying "are you in town yet?", 'cos she texts more when she's had a drink. A sure sign if you know an alcoholic that they've had a drink.

I was coming up on the Jim Beam 'nCoke by now. I texted some daft stuff back about me falling over on the bus, as I fell over on the bus a couple of months ago when I was drinking and split the top of my nose open and got chucked off for rolling around the bus floor.

I'm trying to keep this story cheerful as I'm drinking again and as dEUS said "for every sad story, there's a funny side".

I eventually got into town and finished my bottle off, flagged a cab at the train station and went via the off-license to get 2 bottles of chardonnay and 4 cans of strong cider (K).

When I got to my girl friends (intentional space) house she's pretty happy and we hug and kiss for a while. I'd downloaded and burned off the new Jamie-T album because she loves him, even though it's not really my cup of tea (I'd rather be listening to morose Indie).

Anyway to cut a long story short, and to add that I can't really remember the next few hours we ended up in bed and she went psycho on me and told me to fuck off really loud and just basically abused me for about 5 minutes. I'm not saying it was her fault, as I was undoubtedly being a tool as well.

I got dressed, went downstairs, slammed the door shut and wandered round the local town at 3am looking for a taxi back to camp.

I've spoke to her this morning and she can't remember telling me to fuck off and leave her alone but she said I was being a real dick. I can't remember being a real dick but I can imagine myself trying to be funny and failing. I'm not a fighting drunk, but I can be a vocal idiot when I'm drunk, so that's what she must have meant.

I woke up this morning with the familiar feeling of a hangover and started shaking a bit. I must have damaged my nerves, as I've been drinking pretty hard since I was 15, and I'm 34 on Tuesday. I walked to the local shop and got a bottle of wine and a couple of Newcastle Brown Ales (my home town). I've finished the Newcy Brown and am half-way through the wine as I type this.

I've told her that I can't do this anymore and that I know it's her birthday and mine is in 2 days but she's ambivalent about it, it seems. V grumpy on the phone. I've told her that we shouldn't even text each other anymore and we're both going to go to AA meetings in two separate towns. She's asked me for my address so that she can send me a Birthday card on Tuesday, but I think that'll be the last correspondence.

I'm not happy about not seeing her for a few months. I'm not even sure what the next few months without a text from her will mean, but I know we're bad for each other if one of us is drinking.

Thanks if you made it this far. If I was sober enough I'd start a blog.
 
You were doing so well Laser! But that doesn't mean that one slip up throws all of that out the window! I mean, yes you ended your consecutive day "streak" but IMO thats not always the most important part. I think whats more important is the long term and how the drinking plays out over like a year or so. I think it is much better to go 15-20 days sober than slip up for a few days than do 6 months sober and go on a 6 month heavy binge. You see what I'm saying?

Anyways, if you want to try and start again, just do it. You clearly have the will power as you have done it before. Just keep looking into the future and try not to concentrate on your mess-ups.

And finding good sober friends and a sponsor within AA is key. Try not and let significant others or friends start drinking and mess you up.

You can do it Laser! We have faith! Good luck :)
 
Thanks vonchampz.

Yeah I'm doing fine now after a few days off the booze. I changed my mobile number on Monday after talking to the Army psychiatrist. The girl hasn't been able to text or call me all week because she's only got my old number.

This weekend once my head cleared, I started to feel guilty about just cutting her off like that with no explanation, 'cos I'm a big soft-shite at heart.

So I sat down and wrote her a letter today saying I wasn't interested in whatever arguments we'd had in the past, explaining why we were no good for each other at the moment. I said I was going to get a few months of sobriety and hoped that she was going to get healthy too. Then said that I'd miss her over the next few months. I hope when she gets it it might alleviate matters, as she's probably been thinking I was some uncaring bastard all week.

I went for a run tonight and sprained my ankle outside camp gates. I limped, swearing for 200m and then decided to finish my 5 miler. My ankle's up like a golfball and I'm supposed to be on the rifle ranges in the cold tomorrow. Heh! Must be karmic retribution.

Edit: I'll stop rambling and derailing this thread now. Soz.
 
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LaserHosen.. Have you seen any combat? I know my friends and relatives who have are now having some problems dealing with it ( Some more then others. ) and alot of them are drinking and or using.

However, the US is still dealing with a stigma in the military involving post combat stress. It is getting better though.
 
OMG! I am sobbing after reading this thread. All of my fears are discussed here. One of the reasons my drinking got out of hand was that I could not sleep. I am petrified of not sleeping. And now that I have arrived at this awful point, I am scared of the DTs. I could die from that shit. I don't want to risk my job by admitting this. Even though I just got insurance. AA is not possibility, as I can't reconcile a "higher power". I have the shakes (shame, shame, shame). I take a shit load of valerian root to hide it at work. Can't lose my job, its my lifeline. Any advice?
 
sorry ur goin thru some shit ttown, my higher power is tupac right now(funny eh?) I pray to tupac every night to keep me strong the next day. Your higherpower doesn't have to be jesus, or a guy in the clouds. It can be anything you love and feel close to.
Have you ever tried Kava Kava? The liquid has high % alcohol in it, but the pills/capsules is just powder. Ive noticed that those help with the anxiety and the shakes.
hope ya get feeln betta.
 
ttownlcb2 said:
OMG! I am sobbing after reading this thread. All of my fears are discussed here. One of the reasons my drinking got out of hand was that I could not sleep. I am petrified of not sleeping. And now that I have arrived at this awful point, I am scared of the DTs. I could die from that shit. I don't want to risk my job by admitting this. Even though I just got insurance. AA is not possibility, as I can't reconcile a "higher power". I have the shakes (shame, shame, shame). I take a shit load of valerian root to hide it at work. Can't lose my job, its my lifeline. Any advice?
Click to expand...

How long have you been drinking? I have been drinking pretty solid for about 6 years at the least, often daily after work. I was able to taper down one less beer a night and then stop. My WD was not bad at all, and I was able to sleep with the help of OTC meds. Now I am not even requiring them and I have only been totally off for 11 days. I have always built up alcohol withdrawals when I quit. I think its part of a way your mind gets you to keep drinking.

Now if you have been drinking longer or are drinking larger amounts then it may be a different ballgame. If you are scared then go talk to the doctor.

Anyways why not start by slowly drinking less, make a commitment to it that you will halve your dosage in a month or something like that.
 
I guess ill just share my story. 2 years ago i went on a trip to tahoe with some so called "friends" our intention was to have a good time, play video games, have a good game of poker, and alchohol. I was 18 or 19 at the time and I had never had alchohol just sips from my dads heineken when i was little. So the only thing i was familier with was beer. Apparently i was rolling with the 'big boys' and my so called friend who has never talked to me since, pressured me into drinking liquor. I figured ok im young my body can take it. So my friend gets me some cheap ass vodka (tasted like nail polish remover, nasty stuff smirnoff 80 proof) and i really did not know how many shots you should take or how much is safe to drink. So i saw my other friend drink it straight from the bottle. I drank nearly the bottle and slam right on the table, my friends freaked out noticed that the whole bottle was practically done, and immediantly tried to help me. At first it was kind of fun because i was so loose and saying random stuff, but then i turned into a sad drunk because i didnt like the feeling of losing control. Anyways i threw up that day thankfully, and im so thankfull im alive. The next day my heart started beating like a rabbit. I didnt sleep that night or the next day....the next morning i felt like my life was at an end and that i was going to die. I broke out into a full blown panic attack and literally felt that was the end of me. My main point, alchohol is not good and has robbed me of my life, i will probably never have a sip or drink ever again, never smoke etc. I know what it feels to feel like your going to die, I hope i will never ever have a experiance like that again. anyways i dont know if this is in the right thread, i know some of you guys still drink some dont, i just want you guys to be careful and not stupid like i was, you can really screw your life up in a day, dont make that mistake like i did. im so glad to be alive.
 
hello I'm new to this site. I was happy find the alcoholics page. I feel right at home now. I've been sober for 23 days and the beer in the fridge is tempting me. Help!
 
I never thought alcohol was addictive and never considered myself to be addicted as here in Australia it seems to be the social norm to be drinking all the time. However like every other addiction i've gone through like gambling, smoking, and taking e's I can attest that with age alcohol too becomes a problem. I once gave up the bottle at 19 for 9 months only to replace it with gambling. What a silly mistake that was. I am trying to give myself a break from drinking atm even though now would be an awesome time to keep on going with it as I've been feeling mega down. However I truly think that alcohol has served it's time for a certain age bracket for me.

All in all guys just think of the time that is lost through drinking, this includes the next days when you have a hang over and can't do anything but drink again. I'd say this time all adds up at the end and in the long run it's the lost time that's going to kill you and not the drink.
 
I've been good at sticking to the weekends for the most part. I've taken my 4-5 day a week habit back down to 1-3. Also seem to be drinking less, with an average of one binge night a week for the past month.
 
Ive been binging every 3 days lately and allowing myself time to re group

But it still isn't right , it's really making my insides hurt these days

Either that or I have some sort of terminal illness

Or maybe Im just a hypochondriac :)
 
As a periodic alkie who's recently quit smoking both weed and tobacco (about 1/4-1/2 oz of skunk a week, 30-40 Camel Filters day), I of course binged for two weeks, hitting about 30 units of alcohol per day, with the exception of a few days off, courtesy of massive doses of codeine. I've finally managed to break the recent pattern of beer in the morning/early afternoon today, and feel pretty confident about launching a dry spell.

Withdrawal's been minimal owing to massive doses of herbal sleepers (not just otc, but from supermarket shelves) containing valerian, passionflower, and hops - by massive doses, I'm talking whole packs of the things, where they're supposed to be 2 a night, to achieve the effects of say 10mgs diazepam: but I've got no access to benzos at the moment, so they've been a saving grace.

Hopefully have some zopiclone arriving soon...not quite sure what I'll do if it doesn't get here. The combination of heavy drinking and CWE's had my liver throbbing last week, and I need to stay off both for a while.

We'll see. Good luck to all who are struggling with the same kind of difficulties.
 
i quit drinking last tuesday night. i was laying awake all night and feeling like shit, and got to thinking that i didn't want to do this to myself anymore. i was just tired of it.

it's been a week now. i would really like to go out and have a couple beers but i don't think i could hold it to that point. i'm not ruling out a beer on the porch or wine with dinner. just drinking to excess all the time.
 
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