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Alcoholism Thread V. ti martwonies

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lostpunk5545 said:
Being down and out and boozed up is so integral to my personality I'm not sure I can express myself any other way.
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I had been having similar thoughts last night. I am such a better writer after a few drinks. Some of the best stuff I've written has been alcohol-assisted. I can see why a lot of great others were drunks. Kind of a saddening thought when you think about being sober. A damper on your creative abilities.


trancegirle said:
^ I always say that to until i'm wasted and half glass of vodka half glass juice (if it's around) seems like the best idea ever.. Until i wake up and it feels like i'm lifting my body out of cement to go to work. Hope you were being looked after when you blacked out cosmic charlie <3 It's one of the scariest aspects of drinking for me.
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Drinking to lessen the ills of a hangover is, IMO, one of the quickest routes to a horrible addiction. It's one of those "well it worked once..." kids of things. But in my experience, drinking daily at night is one thing, but having the morning pickmeup makes the physical addiction so incredibly worse.
 
booze seems to be pretty effectively keeping me from finding a new job.
i've been known to reek of alcohol from the night before WELL in to the next day.
even while totally sober, people at work would be like "why do smell like booze?".

luckily, at my last job, they'd seen me perform well enough to know i wasn't lying when i said it was from the night before.

but i can't go in looking for a job if i smell of it...and the worst part is, i can't tell if i do!

so i've just been putting it off and putting it off....
 
D's said:
People are starting to talk around me, people my aka friends are telling me that I'm starting to have a drinking problem.
Last night I told them that I don't give a fuck what they think about me. As much as I'm afraid to admit that I have a problem I don't like to.
When this bottle is empty I will really learn to face my problems, since this is my budget bottle, when this one is empty it's over (i hope). :(
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Mariposa said:
D's - if people judge you for having a problem, that says more about them than it does about you. I'm sure that some people that dislike me want to laugh in my face that I'm a problem drinker. I care about that sometimes. But overall I know that I'd rather be labeled a lush than be what they are.
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I read D's quote differently, Mariposa. I read that not as "people judging me", but as as "friends are telling me (I have a drinking problem)". That's what friends are supposed to do, at least in my book.

Someone asked me a while back, "what do you miss about the old country (back home)?". I said "friendship". They asked "don't you have friends today?". I replied, "of course I do, but the concept of friendship in the busy-bee town West seems to be quite different to that of the old country". It's like in Good Will Hunting, "...any one of them, if he asked them to, would take a fucking bat to your head, okay? It's called loyalty". Same thing with telling friends, "hey, you're being a fuckhead, or a fiend, or a boozer" as many times as it takes, regardless of them getting offended. But it all seems to be about etiquette these days. Leave the flipping etiquette for public speaking, or message board posts, or talking to the in-laws. When it comes to friends, old country says you give your friend a shake every time you see them dozing off. Instead, we have a culture of ... "awwww... poor Johnny, he used to be such a nice guy and look what the drugs or booze or a stupid chemical imbalance have done to him...", as they walk away in a bunch, leaving poor Johnny sucking asphalt. Fuck that kind of friendship, pardon mah frankais! You see a problem, speak up! You'll hurt your friend a hell of a lot more if you don't. That I guarantee you.

eta: Mariposa, you should seriously look into L-Glutamine. You should be able to find it locally. It should be inexpensive and should help your body with the cravings/withdrawals.


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SA said:
I read D's quote differently, Mariposa. I read that not as "people judging me", but as as "friends are telling me (I have a drinking problem)". That's what friends are supposed to do, at least in my book.

Someone asked me a while back, "what do you miss about the old country (back home)?". I said "friendship". They asked "don't you have friends today?". I replied, "of course I do, but the concept of friendship in the busy-bee town West seems to be quite different to that of the old country". It's like in Good Will Hunting, "...any one of them, if he asked them to, would take a fucking bat to your head, okay? It's called loyalty". Same thing with telling friends, "hey, you're being a fuckhead, or a fiend, or a boozer" as many times as it takes, regardless of them getting offended. But it all seems to be about etiquette these days. Leave the flipping etiquette for public speaking, or message board posts, or talking to the in-laws. When it comes to friends, old country says you give your friend a shake every time you see them dozing off. Instead, we have a culture of ... "awwww... poor Johnny, he used to be such a nice guy and look what the drugs or booze or a stupid chemical imbalance have done to him...", as they walk away in a bunch, leaving poor Johnny sucking asphalt. Fuck that kind of friendship, pardon mah frankais! You see a problem, speak up! You'll hurt your friend a hell of a lot more if you don't. That I guarantee you.

eta: Mariposa, you should seriously look into L-Glutamine. You should be able to find it locally. It should be inexpensive and should help your body with the cravings/withdrawals.


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I have two friends left from the friends I grew up with.
This is the thing I love about them.
I don't drink, but in other areas of my life, I prefer if someone would tell me 'no, you are totally wrong" or "YOU are acting like a psycho" than to being agreed with or coddled out of politeness or not wanting to rock the boat.
I know that the two friends I have from childhood (besides my husband) , love me even when I am wrong.....and love me enough to help me learn and grown from my mistakes by pointing them out......
A friend being honest and up front with you, is.....well, like you said SA, it is real friendship.
I wish the world worked today this way- that coddling wasn't so prevalent and now more accepted than truth and real caring......

Just to throw in here, you don't have to be rude to be honest, and you don't have to be coddling to be supportive.....

Mariposa-How are you doing? What happened with the tax guy?
 
SA - I will address your above wisdom at a later time. <3

Ocean - I signed the papers for school yesterday and paid the book fees thanks to my dad (who is considering Ocsober himself, though he's not going to join BL - I hope ;)). I start next Thursday.

I'm approaching 96 hours and will make it past 100, I hope, through the night. I have absolutely no security blanket besides benzos - no booze in the house.

I think 100 hours will pass without incident. I'm a little flushed (huge B vitamin doses) but I have a ton of hydration, vitamins and amino acids on order (thanks SA for your recommendations, again <3) and yep - home stretch I think.

It doesn't feel perfect by any means :\ but will my liver be happier? Absolutely. Will I make it? I think so.

NSFW for women only:

NSFW:
I got my stupid period 5 days early. Of course this had to happen NOW. I am again curling up in bed after some pizza and my taper allotment, and tomorrow I'll be over 100 hours into a taper. I just wish I wasn't having my period - it's particularly nasty :(


Continued strength to everyone <3 Really, it can be done. <3
 
i found out some really shitty news tonight while drunk :( im so fucking depressed im drinking myself into oblivion. Will check in tomorrow. I'm so in for ocsober if it stops me feeling like this :(
 
My ex boyfriend blamed his heroin addiction on my drinking.. finding this out made me not drink myself into oblivion.. even though i know me drinking wasn't to blame for his addction.. im a lil bit proud of myself today
 
^ I tried to blame my MDMA/base addiction on my ex-gf cheating on me back in my raver days. All of my friends called me out on it, and I now later realize that it was a childish thing to do. Please don't let that get to you. You might get caught in a cycle of you blaming a continuance of your drinking on his reflections on his heroin use troubling you, and that's NOT a game of catch that you want to play.
 
Today, I'm 36 days sober and feel pretty good. I'm totally in for Octsober. For now, I'm taking things one day at a time and some days, one hour at a time, even one minute at a time.

My advice would be, don't think about the future (for instance, "oh no, I can't drink ever again). That will drive you nuts, at least it does for this alcoholic.

I realize that I have a disease composed of genetic makeup that is beyond my control. However, what I do have control of is accountability. I'm adopted and don't know if my biological parents were addicts; however, it's safe to assume they were.

Anyone need to talk, PM me. I'll lend an ear.
 
RedLeader said:
^ I tried to blame my MDMA/base addiction on my ex-gf cheating on me back in my raver days. All of my friends called me out on it, and I now later realize that it was a childish thing to do. Please don't let that get to you. You might get caught in a cycle of you blaming a continuance of your drinking on his reflections on his heroin use troubling you, and that's NOT a game of catch that you want to play.
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That's a cycle i want to break for sure. I guess subconciously thinking well i'm only drinking, his shooting up always would have been a justification of my actions. And the last thing i need is justification. It's been a big wake up call. My pride's pretty hurt though :\

dragonslayer428 said:
Today, I'm 36 days sober and feel pretty good. I'm totally in for Octsober. For now, I'm taking things one day at a time and some days, one hour at a time, even one minute at a time.

My advice would be, don't think about the future (for instance, "oh no, I can't drink ever again). That will drive you nuts, at least it does for this alcoholic.

I realize that I have a disease composed of genetic makeup that is beyond my control. However, what I do have control of is accountability. I'm adopted and don't know if my biological parents were addicts; however, it's safe to assume they were.

Anyone need to talk, PM me. I'll lend an ear.
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Well done!! <3 you should introduce yourself in the ocsober thread, i know looking forward is SO hard for an alcoholic, but looking back can give you hope, seeing how far you have come.
 
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trancegirle said:
My ex boyfriend blamed his heroin addiction on my drinking.. finding this out made me not drink myself into oblivion.. even though i know me drinking wasn't to blame for his addction.. im a lil bit proud of myself today
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You should be more than just a lil bit proud of yourself for that hun, this proves that you have the strength inside of you to stay sober, even in the face of adversity <3
 
Mariposa said:
NSFW for women only:

NSFW:
I got my stupid period 5 days early. Of course this had to happen NOW. I am again curling up in bed after some pizza and my taper allotment, and tomorrow I'll be over 100 hours into a taper. I just wish I wasn't having my period - it's particularly nasty :(
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Boo! What's this "for women only" nonsense?! lol j/k

I know you love your coffee, Mariposa. Go out and get some organic Black Strap Molasses. Make sure it's organic, as regular store bought stuff is devoid of the essentials. Add a tsp or TBSP to the morning cup and one to the evening cup. Remember how I keep saying to treat the cause rather than the symptom? Your body is stripped of minerals, dear.

The more dehydrated you are, the more the body "cramps", be it individual muscles or zones and sectors. Remember what I said about coffee? For every cup of coffee you drink, you need to drink two equivalent cups of water just to negate the dehydrating effect of coffee. Then, on top of that, you need to drink your daily quota of water. So, with that equation, how dehydrated do you think you are after all this time? ;)

edit: Earth clinic on Black Strap Molasses
 
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^You're freaking killing me (and my pocketbook) with this regimen. ;) Next you'll be telling me to adopt a foster child or start a "green" business or something. ;) <3

I will get the molasses. I ordinarily drink approx. 16 oz of coffee per day (I drink it iced unless it's snowing) and not really any other caffeine. I could drink it black if I had to, but the molasses sound good.

NSFW:
The cramps are likely normal menstrual cramps, fwiw, and it's normal that they got worse after I got my IUD. If they got better that would be a bonus, but it is not something I am expecting. ;)


Per the NIMH (lol) I am unlikely to have significant nutritional deficiencies because I had adequate nutrition as a child and adult. I take a daily supplement, though who knows how that's absorbed. In any event, I'll be better off for swallowing all the massive horse pills with lots of pure spring water.

I will take all of your sound advice and none of the above is intended to be at all dismissive - it's time I started listening to people that care about my well-being and learn with time to stop the voice of denial that we alkies know well. Thank you <3

Down to 2 beers today, with dinner. I had to slow the taper because I was getting nausea and slight pins-and-needles and my sweat started to smell funny (not bad, just different - more alkaline if that makes any sense). I had 3 last night and did fine. Still no shakes, GI issues, migraines, seizures, or anything resembling DT/W-K.

Continued good luck to everyone! I'll probably update here once or twice more before Octsober begins - then my brain will be fried with coursework, not alcohol. :)
 
Road my bike 5 miles for malt liquor today , I was just so fucking sad and I knew it'd make me feel better

It's pretty sad when you can't even get through a day sober. I just don't know what to do , I dont wanna stop but everyone keeps bitching at me. I'm honestly seriously close to saying fuck it at this point

I may be a homeless fucking beggar soon , ohh woop te doo

It doesn't phaze me in the slightest :\
 
i feel sorry for people becoming alcoholics, and the reasons for doing so. waking up in the morning drinking etc, the thought of that makes me cringe

although technically im a social alcoholic, will be a hard job getting me into a pub on a saturday night sober without a drink. ive always been this way though, saying that i don't think anybody in the pub on a saturday night is sober. some social things are so much easier after a few. im abit shy sometimes. i guess this applys to many people

i sometimes get anxious when im hung over, especially after a vodka binge, is that normal?
 
^ Have you always got anxious when hungover or is it quite recent? And are you noticing it get worse over time? If the answer to either of these questions is yes, then you're probably suffering from rebound anxiety. This can be an early warning sign for physical alcohol dependence, so you should certainly watch your drinking and consider cutting down either the amount you drink or the frequency of binges.
 
I am so fucking angry, last night we went to my parents' place for a quiet dinner for my brother's birthday (he's doing his thesis at the moment so didn't want a big shindig). We got there and Dad offered me some sparkling wine, as usual. I said no thanks because I'd been having stomach pains all day (true). He said something to the effect of "Oh that's no good!" and proceeded to pour me a glass and handed it to me.

FUCK!! :!

What the fuck was I supposed to do, with my substance of addiction literally shoved in my face, pour it down the sink?! I'm only human!

So I drank it, resentfully and regretfully. Then drank the glass of red wine he poured me for dinner.

Ridiculous. This morning I feel like I've been hit by a bus but I think it's more psychological than anything.

Lucky Octsober hasn't officially started yet ay 8)

Back on board the sober train!!
 
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