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alcoholism thread [merged]

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MynameisnotDeja said:
Hey everyone. I posted about my alcoholism awhile back.

Just wanted to update. I managed to go backpacking for 2 months through Asia and not break my sobriety (besides once- I did have a drink to gather up the "courage" to do a big scary swing in Vang Vieng Laos, which I'm not proud of, but that was the only time).



Congratulations! Having spent my time there that is no easy feat. Anything you want is right at your finger tips. In fact, if you even think it the keen hawkers over there will be right on you, ready to cater to every need the darkness of your mind can drum up. Be proud of yourself, that's a real achievement. If you can do it there, what's here? Right?
Click to expand...
 
Awesome Deja :)

I've been drinking responsibly, which I have no issue with .. But unfortunately today I have to head 1100 miles home to address the mess of my life I walked out on unannounced.
I've been overdoing everything & ignoring all my responsibilities, so hopefully I can keep focused on what I need to accomplish this month .. But any time I go back I soon forget whatever lessons I've learned.
I'm sure there's still a squatter trashing my house; hopefully when I do have some free time I can escape to a park now that Winter is over.
 
Day 7 here, well, technically day 4 if you count the one slip up I had with a mickey over 2 days.. which I guess you do. So, day 4 going on 5.

Sucks dealing with the anxiety of feeling so naked; something I'm sure you can all relate to. Luckily I have a new GF who is fucking all over me about it. I suppose she's my AA higher power, strange that she came into my life at this time. Insomnia is really bad but I've gotten one good night's sleep thanks to zopiclone.

I have to start a new job next week which'll be interesting considering I haven't gone to work without a couple drinks in me in years. So hard to ignore the nagging "buy a mini-mickey, just in case," feeling. Not to mention that I withdrawal _really_ hard.

I'm spending the cursed day 5 and 6 at the gf's house which I bet will help a lot. After that it should be much easier. Well, thanks for listening.
 
Day 6 going on 7 here. 9 or 10 if you don't count the one slip up. Still feel a little anxious, bored, shakey off and on, but generally improving. I'm also quitting smoking which doesn't help to the aforementioned symptoms. Gravol helps with insomnia a lot.
 
Well I caved, not terribly though. 3 units per day is my goal and I'm sticking to it. Mainly because I need to start a new job and I can't be shaking and shit for it. Definitely no more binges though, my gf would kill me. :P
 
^^ That's great man, congrats for cutting down your drinking. Do you think you will be able to stick to 3 drinks? Is that per day? Or are you going to aim to have a few alcohol-free days a week? Is your girlfriend supportive of your decisions to stick to 3 drinks?
Good luck with your new job and with abstaining from alcohol :) <3
 
I broke spectacularly last night. I drank a disgusting amount of vodka. I felt stressed, and I believe my relapse was because I went batshit doing the Fourth Step - yeah, the one where a lot of people break because the truth hurts and preparing to admit all the shitty things we do when we misuse alcohol. I honestly wanted to blow my brains out when I wrote down all of the Fourth Step work. I can see why people relapse at the Fourth Step, because the truth hurts.

I'll update my AA thread again once I've attended another meeting. I won't let this guilt kill me - as it's said, relapse is part of recovery, but I'd prefer not to make excuses. I played with fire and I got burned really badly.

This said, tomorrow is another day, and if I want to be abstinent from alcohol I have to be very tough. There's a sober lush I plan to approach to be my sponsor; he is a gay man about my age with a year of sobriety so I know he won't be creepy or take advantage of me.

I wrote my first amends letter despite feeling like shit. It may or may not be sent. I have admitted my faults and now I need to concentrate on not picking up another drink regardless of what happens.

Let your loss be your lesson. And to all the alkies out there: don't make the same mistakes I made.
 
^Aaaw-Mariposa. I'm sorry to hear that.....
I think dealing with the negatives that came/come from your drinking (or drug use or even mental illness) can lead to a very self critical period like you said......
in a way it is the time you will learn your biggest lessons......
try stay positive.....
I hope to hear more of you moving forward with finding a sponsor......and more tales of sobriety:)
Keep your head up:)
 
Sorry to hear of your relapse Mariposa. Try not to beat yourself up about it too much, although it sounds like you've got a pretty good attitude about it all. Best of luck hun <3

Just an update on my situation, oh.my.god I have had the worst hangover imaginable today. I really don't recall drinking that much last night but evidently I did? I blacked out, and I haven't blacked out from drinking for years (since my silly teen drinking experiences). I have a huge tolerance so for me to black out I must've drunk a serious amount. I've been on the couch all day, unable to stand up from the nausea/headache. I hate alcohol so fucking much :X

Another stint of sobriety starts tomorrow (well, technically today, as I would rather poke my eyes out with a stick than have a drink today).

Back to the couch...
 
"I have a huge tolerance so for me to black out I must've drunk a serious amount."

when i was a teen and drinking very heavily, like 1.75ml bottles of vodka a night or how ever many gallons of beer, i got to the point after a year + where i would black out after several drinks, id have like 3 beers and then wake up the next day nervous to hear or see what happened the night before.

ive heard of this happening to other people after time, and id be cautious if i were you of this starting.
 
I was having a good run, a few nights with moderate drinking, and a few sober nights last week. Then I had a little anxiety attack on the weekend and went straight through a bottle of rum by myself at home. At work now and all I can think about is going home and drinking more :(
 
I feel for you, I relapsed pretty bad this week. Right back to a mickey a day. Friend is bringing me some xanax for a safe and comfortable detox... again.. today. *sigh*
 
Does anyone else just drink to alleviate boredom?

I've been laid off for the past few weeks and during the day, I like to drink. Honestly, I'd prefer oxy but I don't have a hookup.

I don't know. It seems like everyone's drinking is tied to some sort of pain or anxiety or something. I know my mother ties her drinking to her past. Does excessive drinking always have to be rationalized in this way, or can you have a drinking problem because you're bored?

Even bored drinkers experience withdrawal, the desire to keep drinking, and all the other trappings of alcoholism. I just fail to see the difference in terms of addiction.
 
It can be justifiedor explained a million ways, that don't even matter b/c the end result is identical. I think that often the "boredom" people try to alleviate with drink is actually discomfort from your body telling you you need a drink. You are restless, for what? Everything seems boring except....taking a drink. It's acute w/d in my book.
 
Best of luck sunflash, let us know how you go okay? You have our support <3


Well, the weekend has almost arrived (I finish work on Friday afternoon in an hour) and I really really don't want to drink this weekend. I have assigned myself as the designated driver tonight so that means I at least MUST keep my drinking to a minimum. Tomorrow and Sunday are going to be really really fucking difficult but like I said, I don't want to drink. This is different to other weekends because I always want to drink by the time Friday comes around (if I haven't already been drinking all week anyway 8))
I've asked my boyfriend and my parents (with whom we're having dinner tonight) not to offer me anything to drink, because if they do I will definitely cave. But it's the length I need to go to in order to minimise my chances of drinking to excess...

Wish me luck...
 
Good Luck N30 :)
If people are aware and don't offer it will make it easier.......Hopefully they follow thru.
Also if you want to cave in after being with people drinking and others know that when not around it you don't want to drink than they may help to discourage the idea:) Good call on getting them involved:) I hope it works out for you this weekend.......

Mariposa- how you doing with drinking???
 
I want a beer for some off reason. Just one guiness thats all. This is unusual cause i managed to get my morphine script filled and i took 12mg's of clonazepam earlier. I don't generally go past 1 or 2 beers while on morphine and getting drunk on this mix would fuck me right up.
 
i drink.

a lot.

in fact its almost impossible for me to go to sleep unless ive had quite a few drinks.


i usually start drinking in the afternoon and continue until i go to sleep.

unless i have work, then i just play catch up after work.

the thing is, i know i have a problem(its caused me to have a stomach ulcer, which is rather painful) but i dont have any real desire to quit.
 
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