Hi guys! 48 days sober here! And still no desire to ever drink again, fuck drinking.
I do think of it sometimes, but I've created a (useful) negative attachment in my mind to remind me. In meditation I've really focused on attaching the idea of the taste, smell, and feeling of alcohol to automatically be tied to the absolutely HORRIBLE way hitting rock bottom felt. I attached them to each to each other so anything associated with drinking would make me sick.
It's cool how you can just tell your brain how to think and feel. I did the same thing years ago when I would always get the munchies with weed. I attached the idea of eating after smoking pot to a feeling of nausea. I basically just told my brain to get nauseus if I ate anything when I was high. And it did. And after that I never binged on pot again. (btw- not talking about normal, healthy snacking I would go on out of control binges while high, eating entire bags of marshmellows and doritos, shit like that)
So yeah, I know it hasn't been very long, but I've been working hard in therapy and have forgiven myself for the things I did during my relapse. Now I'm working on lots deeper stuff.. childhood stuff and traumas from my teen years. It's interesting doing introspective therapy, you really see inside of yourself and can totally tell the way things from your childhood and what not directly effect the person you are today and your addictions.
Since turning towards recovery (Not AA or anything, I went a different route) I have a lot of new friends and the few real friends I do have really stepped up and showed they cared. For example one of my best friends I've known since we were 12, we used to party a lot together. He does drink but isn't an alcoholic, he's one of those people who can always be the sober driver, or go out and just have one, never had a problem and stuff. Well he chose to stay in on NYE and watch movies and have tea and juice with me instead of going out drinking. I was like hell yeah, thats a real friend.
And at the same time, all the asshole people who were using me and abusing me and trying to get me to drink with them and stuff before, magically disappeared when they realized that yes, I actually was quitting drinking. Funny how right at the start they still hit me up and tried to get me to do something with them (always alcohol related despite how I'd TOLD them my situation), and after me telling them how it is a few times: Nothing. Haven't heard from any of them in weeks, when only a month or so before that they were hitting me up all the time and calling me their best friend and stuff.
Thats something I LOVE about being sober, everything becomes clear. Who you are becomes more clear, who your friends are becomes more clear too.
And something else.. it's silly but I keep kinda having this lightbulb moment in my head like: Wow... I never have to be hung over again.. EVER.. :D !!!
And it hits me how my life revolved around alcohol for so long.. calculating money for bottles of wine, going to the store to get it.. making sure to have corkscrews and stuff.. trying to plan whenever I was going to drink around work schedules.. drinking on nights before I had work the next morning and telling myself "It's okay, I'll only have 2" (and then finding myself puking outside wasted at 5am after I drank 10x more than I said I would- and having to be at work in 3-4 hours)...
It's like God.. having a drinking problem is hard fucking work. It's like having a job you hate and then finally getting to spit in your bosses face and walk out! FUCK YEAH!
Never. Again.
Hopefully this post helps some of you guys who are still thinking about getting away from the shit. It's well worth it.
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
*hugs*
