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Alcoholism Discussion Thread Version 6.0

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itchy said:
Set limits on how much you will be a co-conspirator you are willing to be and tell him "Look. I'm only going to buy you[x] amount of beer and when that's gone...oh well..."
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Okay...but shouldn't the limit be, "I am not buying you alcohol"? I agree vehemently that people tend to respond poorly to ultimatums, particularly addicts, and particularly threats of abandonment. You can continue to support your husband and stand by him without 'enabling' him.

ebola
 
i've noticed on this site quite a bit of hatred twards AA/NA but just so people who haven't gone into a 12've step program open minded that i've known more people who have stayed sober that work the 12've steps than those who have gotten clean in another way
 
ebola? said:
Okay...but shouldn't the limit be, "I am not buying you alcohol"? I agree vehemently that people tend to respond poorly to ultimatums, particularly addicts, and particularly threats of abandonment. You can continue to support your husband and stand by him without 'enabling' him.

ebola
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The only reason that I even suggested "buying him beer", is because quiting abruptly is dangerous. Otherwise I would completely agree with you in your suggestion of "I'm not buying you alcohol". That's the only reason.
Peace.
 
The only reason that I even suggested "buying him beer", is because quiting abruptly is dangerous.
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Right, so the choice is whether to continue with one's addiction or go detox (tapering with alcohol works for a tiny percentage of alcoholics). When continuing said addiction imposes financial strain severe enough to interfere with purchasing necessities for one's family, it has to stop.

ebola
 
ihearthemoose said:
I am struggling with this season. I have given up the life of an alcoholic a year ago. I don't follow aa nor believe in many of their principles. I have found myself becoming antsy. I don't necessarily want to drink, but I do. I have encountered kindling in the past. I find myself researching ibogaine and wondering what everyones thoughts on that subject would be .
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Honestly, I don´t think it´s as bad as starting drinking again. I agree with you when you mention the seasons which for me means a lot of people drinking all around including "friends" handing you a drink, etc.
In my experience, we just need to "be out" for a while, so to find some relief. So, whatever you do, make sure it suits you when you comedown, if that is ever possible! Merry Christmas!:)
 
I keep slipping up. Replaced a very serious benzo addiction with another, more socially acceptable one.
Grandad came up to me this christmas and said he was worried about me while I was steaming drunk; nearly cried.
 
neversickanymore said:
We have this thread going in SL Alcoholism Discussion Thread Version 6.0


So we can keep this in TDS and merge the two or we can merge this into SL. I think the participants in this thread can decide where it belongs. At first glance its subject matter seems to fit in SL better, but there are also advantages to having this in TDS.

Thoughts?
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Whatever is best. I don't often visit SL so I didn't know that a thread like this was happening. If you guys can merge it, I guess that would be the best idea.
 
Holidays are the best excuse maker! ...OH oh!...Excuse me...The 9.5 stout didn't agree with the dope, had to go puke. OK, all better now.
OK, where was I? Oh yeah!...Don't forget New Year! Great for excuses and "just one drinks"! ...Don't forget to make some serious resolutions about sobriety...You know the regular annual empty promises/lies. ...Uh...yeah...
The reason I'm saying this, is because quiting is easy! I've done it hundreds of times.
Hey! What happened to my favorite girl?! Glitter Kiss? She knows how to tie one on!
 
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itchyscratchy said:
@JGJ: I know, right? I love the part about "if you love him you would have done something long ago" LOL! And what exactly were you supposed to do according to these high n mighty know it all parroting fools? Gotta love the people that have been indoctrinated into this NA/AA theology and dont have the slightest idea of how to deal with nor advise on the situation they have not even the slightest idea of how to grasp. No, you are not a shmuck. You are just absorbing the brunt of other people's "better than you" reflectivity. You have to remember that you are on a public forum and are subject to weak ass criticism. My advice comes from experience, not heresay or parroting other blind mens mantras. But I guess in the land of the blind the one eyed man is king. I wasn't talking about you being a nazi, I was talking about you drawing some firm lines in the sand, JGJ. Leaving someone until they get better seldom works. I'm sorry you are fighting against the outdated NA/AA current. If that "tough love" shit worked for them, that's fine. But it's not a universal solution. I'm glad you stood up to the idiocy. ...And that's why I don't post in this thread. Too many people with high and mighty attitudes that don't know shit about real life.
You want to talk realistically, without being judged, I'm here. Like I said, I have been through every angle of that rubiks cube.
Later.
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Appreciating. I felt bad about ripping into Silas but this is my life and felt the need. You know, he's (my sweets) is doing better. He knows he's got a problem and I know he struggles with it. He use to have money, now he has none. I have little myself and he knows the need to cut back is not only for his health but our financial situation as well. Hey, at least he's gone from approx 20 a day down to 6 but sometimes more, depending on the time. I get the whole NA/AA folks sharing their views as that may have worked for them but not him. He simply isn't the kind of man who would go. He just wouldn't and gets really urked when I gingerly bring it up.
For now man, I am pleased he's cutting down. He even had a tea in between cans the other day. Major step. You know, I really felt ripped into by Silas the other day. I don't know, maybe by coming here I'm opening myself up to critique from many views but as we say, and I think we all know this, everyone's situation and personal ways differ and what works for one will not work for another. I just don't like hearing things like, I'm killing him by enabling him. Hey, I got him to see a
Dr. that's a step. Full disclosure with the Dr is the next. He's a good man my sweets. I'm tough, I can do this.
hey, thanks again man. You take care
 
silas GUY said:
no i deserve all of it and apologize to you ! was just wasted
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All good Silas, yeah, you really ripped into me there though I got the compassion too. Sorry about ripping right back. Almost came back and edited but figured I'd see what you replied first. Thank you kindly for the apology. Yup, after I read your first response to my post, I broke right up and cried by the fire. Musta struck a cord or why else would it have affected me so. Food for my thought.

Anyway, it's our life. He's cutting down. No ultimatums or cold turkey tactics. He is a grown man and I must trust him to help himself because at the end of the day, HE is the only one who can do this. Sure, I can stop buying beer altogether but that's just cruel and physically dangerous for one who's been drenching the blood stream for nearly 30 years of daily drink so for now, he babies his 6 pack. 6 is better than 20. I know that's not a cure but it's something.

thanks for coming back to say sorry. takes a big person to do that and I truly appreciate it.
 
JGJ - You should go to an Al-Anon meeting, beyond that I don't think anything we can say will help your situation. At the very least, you have to stop buying him beer. I remember you talking about him health consequences due to drinking. You are purchasing the stuff that is destroying him. To be honest, that is what is really cruel. You are enabling him to continue on the part to self destruction and death.

He needs to go to a Doctor ASAP and get detoxed and get into treatment. You are not going to be able to get him clean, he has to want to do it. Furthermore, you are not a doctor.

Dropping from 20 to 6 is placing him at seizure risk. If he has organ damage due to alcohol, if he keeps drinking he will get wetbrain.

Anyways, no offense but I think I have offered all I can. Best of luck to you.
 
JGJ said:
I get the whole NA/AA folks sharing their views as that may have worked for them but not him. He simply isn't the kind of man who would go. He just wouldn't and gets really urked when I gingerly bring it up.
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That's fine: AA/NA isn't for everyone, and the model has its own particular flaws. Would he be open to pursuing cognitive-behavioral therapy? That particular approach is reasonably well-validated and has a relatively high rate of success (it seems obvious to me, on account of my background in cognitive psychology).

Sure, I can stop buying beer altogether
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Okay. You still haven't ceased buying him beer...even though you told me that you ceased doing so on the previous page. I'm not saying that you're ruining his chances by continuing to do this (it's not hard to scrape together change for a sixer's worth of alcohol), but you're certainly not helping him.

Let me restate things: if he's sufficiently dependent to where physical withdrawal poses health-dangers, he needs to get into detox (with medical assistance, adjunct benzodiazepines, etc.), not "maintenance/taper beers".

that's just cruel
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No. Honestly, stringing out his maintenance on alcohol is more cruel in effects (but not in intent, as your intentions are obviously good). You can stick by your husband without enabling him, and I strongly suggest you do.

ebola
 
I remember when during my 'taper down' my girl would give me a beer every 2 hours...then 3... that was pure hell! But nontheless it worked. Only because I wanted it to work.
I was literally counting the mins. till my next one. But after I was out of the danger zone of having seizures (couple weeks of tapering), one morning I woke up and realized i no longer feel like shit without a beer in the morn., that's when I knew the ball was in my court. I was physically free from booze but now had to continue on that momentum.
Like I said quiting is easy. It's having the drive and perseverance to keep yourself sober that becomes an issue. If he wants to quit, it's a piece of cake. BUT If he's only quiting because he's forced. It will never work.
Cognitive-behavior-what? What does that even mean? LOL! A guy that won't budge at AA, is gonna go to some cognitive-behavior modification class...whatever that is and assuming they even have that venue available where she's at. Not everybody can be sipping frappuchinos while getting an mango colonic and getting a peticure.
...ebola... Yes, wonderful specimen. 7000 dead and counting.
 
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