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Alcoholism Discussion Thread Version 6.0

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CartmansKitty said:
So are you drinking to get drunk - or is it maintenance drinking?
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I know this question was absolutely not directed to me. But, would it be OK if I answered it? It might (might?) give noonoo some insight.

When I stopped drinking, I wasn't drinking for any particular or cognizable practical purpose at all. I wasn't drinking to get drunk. I wasn't drinking to maintain. In a very real way, I was drinking to drink -- nothing more. That's what I did. That's what I was all about. I had this very strong sense that drinking was what I was "built" to do. And I was right! But, when I saw how absolutely fucked the logic was, that's when I gained the insight (or experienced the moment of clarity or whatever you want to call it) that enabled the change to happen.

Let me spin this out. Again, I felt like I was built to drink -- that it was somehow my mission and I had to continue. And I was absolutely correct in the sense that I *was* built to drink. But, did that constitute some obvious reason to keep drinking -- the way I thought it did? Or was that the very reason that I absolutely had to stop? I eventually realized that every excuse I used to continue drinking pointed to the reason to stop drinking. I could not drink normally or safely. End of story. No more long, drawn-out drama over the whole thing. There just wasn't anything more to say.

I don't mean to be rude or unsympathetic, noonoo ... but I don't think you're going to "get it" until you stop obscuring the issue with so much peripheral static about exactly what you're drinking, how much you're drinking, when you're drinking, how you're disguising your drinking. All the talk about Campral, Antabuse, the doctors, the parents, being drunk, not drunk, tipsy, vomiting, sorta crashing your car, eating, not eating ... it's all just noise, man. You may need to vent -- I get that. But, it's like, the game is going on over here ... we're all together playing it ... and you're on the other side of town looking for the game there. You've got good directions, you just need to follow them ... but there's some detour that you think might be interesting to pursue, and so off you go. You've got to change position. No way around that. The game just isn't going on over there, and you can't play it your own way. Just make it over here. It's a cool game to play -- I promise. You'll look back and be so happy and grateful that you just took the directions and showed up. Straight line home. All you gotta do. Simple.

Again, not to be unsympathetic, but you're talking to recovering alcoholics (I should probably just speak for myself -- sorry) with years and years of sobriety, here. At this point, we know what we're talking about. And we're talking about you getting well. We want that. But, we can't want it more than you want it.
 
Thanks for the support guys.

It is true Cartmans Kitty, in certain situations I can abstain myself from drinking however during these periods I get built up anxiety. Any how I believe my drinking is existent as a way to fill in for time, although it's obviously a bad way. As the saying goes depressed people are good at being depressed.

This week am looking to get back into some training after work. Hopefully this helps out.
 
noonoo said:
Thanks for the support guys.

It is true Cartmans Kitty, in certain situations I can abstain myself from drinking however during these periods I get built up anxiety. Any how I believe my drinking is existent as a way to fill in for time, although it's obviously a bad way. As the saying goes depressed people are good at being depressed.

This week am looking to get back into some training after work. Hopefully this helps out.
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Yep, and don't forget - drinking the way you are is bound to make you ten times more anxious when you abstain. I began having panic attacks at work so bad - that I ran out of work once, and straight into my nearest pub. I drank a few pints, and there began my demon. I drank every time I was anxious/nervous, so as you can imagine, I was drinking all the time. I had to drink to do anything as it would 'settle my nerves'.

It's true as well that drinking is a great time filler, and when I quit I had to find other ways to occupy myself. I thought it couldn't be done - but, if you look hard enough there are ways. It's great that you are identifying that training will fill your time. That is a big positive step forward.

You can do this. You just have to really, really try.

Keep on at it!

xx <3
 
im sorry if im posting again, but from what ive been told there is around 250 chronic alcoholics. ive made the ;list aqt 29 ive gone to the er room over 20 times this year, wtf is wrong with me, i was better off doing heroin
 
on my fourth day sans alcohol. my job is rock musician in bars, been out on the town twice, saw some good bands, am happy i remembered them. I've been drinking pineapple/club sodas, which are actually pretty delicious. this isn't my first time on the train, but it is my first serious attempt in four years. I quit heroin with ibogaine and never quite laid down the pint.. now i'm 29 and a few close friends just passed away under circumstances i can only call... alcohol related. It kinda got me thinking. I'd already been improving myself, cycling daily, eating well, working hard on my music - but I decided with the chronic drinking gone, perhaps once every week or two wouldn't be a big deal. Turns out i'm wWAAAAY more fun drinking every day, since without a tolerance i go from 0 - dickface in about 2 pints. I've had irish luck for a long time, i know i was on the verge of some BIIG mistakes and i'm trying to keep a clear head. San Francisco is a dangerous town when you're on one. there's a lot of trouble to get into. Anyhow, like i said, the only options really were - accept treating people like shit CONSTANTLY, drink daily, be fat, self centred and self loathing, o yeah and feel terrible, not be able to exercise OR cut it out entirely. i was kinda thinking about option a til watching these folks pass and getting slapped around by my very loving and excellent girlfriend. REality is, i'm remorseful too, so if i do choose option a it's pretty much misery until suicide or drinkicide, apples and oranges :P anyhow, im trying hard to go for B. so any help is totally great. I'm not goin to AA meetings tho, so that's that. I made it many years doin just fine on my own, i thought i could go back because i was young. I know if i'm goin back years from now it's to die - so, cheers with pineapple club-sodas to all.

EDIT: O yeah, while at a bar tonight i ran into a large man. I said, "nice to meet you" he said, "i've met you before." I said, "o yeah, was I drunk?" he said "Yeah, and you were a REAL dick, I almost fucked you up." mind you, this is a very large man named omar. "Jeez," i said, "You're a big fucker, it's almost too bad cuz i wouldn't have remembered it," he looked at me, "you'd remember," he said. "No, you don't understand, i truly wouldn't" he smiled "I would have left my card on your chest. You're lucky, someone told me you were a good guy." soooooo there's stuff like that.....
 
cdin said:
on my fourth day sans alcohol. my job is rock musician in bars, been out on the town twice, saw some good bands, am happy i remembered them. I've been drinking pineapple/club sodas, which are actually pretty delicious. this isn't my first time on the train, but it is my first serious attempt in four years. I quit heroin with ibogaine and never quite laid down the pint.. now i'm 29 and a few close friends just passed away under circumstances i can only call... alcohol related. It kinda got me thinking. I'd already been improving myself, cycling daily, eating well, working hard on my music - but I decided with the chronic drinking gone, perhaps once every week or two wouldn't be a big deal. Turns out i'm wWAAAAY more fun drinking every day, since without a tolerance i go from 0 - dickface in about 2 pints. I've had irish luck for a long time, i know i was on the verge of some BIIG mistakes and i'm trying to keep a clear head. San Francisco is a dangerous town when you're on one. there's a lot of trouble to get into. Anyhow, like i said, the only options really were - accept treating people like shit CONSTANTLY, drink daily, be fat, self centred and self loathing, o yeah and feel terrible, not be able to exercise OR cut it out entirely. i was kinda thinking about option a til watching these folks pass and getting slapped around by my very loving and excellent girlfriend. REality is, i'm remorseful too, so if i do choose option a it's pretty much misery until suicide or drinkicide, apples and oranges :P anyhow, im trying hard to go for B. so any help is totally great. I'm not goin to AA meetings tho, so that's that. I made it many years doin just fine on my own, i thought i could go back because i was young. I know if i'm goin back years from now it's to die - so, cheers with pineapple club-sodas to all.

EDIT: O yeah, while at a bar tonight i ran into a large man. I said, "nice to meet you" he said, "i've met you before." I said, "o yeah, was I drunk?" he said "Yeah, and you were a REAL dick, I almost fucked you up." mind you, this is a very large man named omar. "Jeez," i said, "You're a big fucker, it's almost too bad cuz i wouldn't have remembered it," he looked at me, "you'd remember," he said. "No, you don't understand, i truly wouldn't" he smiled "I would have left my card on your chest. You're lucky, someone told me you were a good guy." soooooo there's stuff like that.....
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Congrats on four days ... nicely done.

I'm a musician, too. Believe me ... you can stay sober in San Francisco, New York, and all points in between. Location matters not. Desire does. You've got it. Tomorrow, just do exactly what you did today. Order your pineapple "mocktail," stay out of Omar's way, and live well. ;)
 
I havent drunk in a few weeks now, as I have to taper of benzos and additionally, my life was screwed up because of drinking. But how on earth do you deal with all the missed chances, the forgone opportunities just to get drunk EVERY FUCKING DAY. This makes me so depressed dwelling on 'what could have been' and it just makes me want to get wrecked so I can build an illusion around me that everything is 'fine'. *sigh*
 
Crampz said:
I havent drunk in a few weeks now, as I have to taper of benzos and additionally, my life was screwed up because of drinking. But how on earth do you deal with all the missed chances, the forgone opportunities just to get drunk EVERY FUCKING DAY. This makes me so depressed dwelling on 'what could have been' and it just makes me want to get wrecked so I can build an illusion around me that everything is 'fine'. *sigh*
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I'd imagine that it's probably too late to build back up the illusion. Once you know, you know ... and you can't "unknow." So, just take it easy, and look at it as a glass-half-full situation for now. "What could have been?" Things could always have turned out worse. You could have died, but you didn't ... how's that?

You'll learn to grab all the chances that come your way, take all of those opportunities. And it gets better. Much, much better than it is now. You may well get to a place where you don't regret the past at all. I used to ... and I don't now. Just give it a chance.

Congratulations on making it a few weeks. Unfortunately, I'm sure the Benzo taper is getting in the way of full appreciation of what's going on. But, what's going on is very significant. Well done. :)
 
I just woke up today and decided today was the day I was going to stop getting drunk every night. I'm ready for the withdrawals because there only temporary and at the level I drink psychological. Don't congratulate or encourage me I have not accomplished anything yet. I'm sick of the way its affecting my sleep and am afraid I'm close to developing a strong psychological dependence. I started drinking daily at 21 and I'm half way to 23 now. I've quit a lot of drugs over the course of the last couple years... Most recently cigarettes and chew. But I have so few vices left that it will be interesting to see how I handle myself through this withdrawal.

Tonight instead of getting drunk I did 3 or 4 loads of laundry and smoked a bowl. I don't even want to smoke much grass because I'm not drunk. This may turn out to be a huge win win. I'll post back once I reach a significant point in my recovery or if I decide fuck my seventies and go back to the bottle.

Would like to add that I am using valerien root capsules and wanted to know what you guys thought of them for alcohol withdrawal?
 
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noonoo said:
Finally possibly a solution for us all.....


http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/he...s-hangover-proof/story-fneuzlbd-1226758133989
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I'm really not sure I would even go for that. I enjoy my sobriety now, and part of what used to wind my wife up was the fact I'd be slurring and falling all over the place. I'm sure that this drank in enough quantities would provide the same effect. Sure there is an antidote, however, how many people are going to take that as soon as they've finished drinking? I'm a recovering alcoholic. I drank to get that feeling, so I would be permanently out of it on that stuff. Plus it's another drug - I guess in years to come when it's been on sale they will find that it affects some other organ of your body, or it's dangerous. The same kind of thing we are seeing with the E-Cigarettes.

Cdin, and Crampz - congratulations!!!

Weekend Addiction - I know you don't want congratulations, but well done for making the decision. Giving it up, I had a house to sort that I had ignored while I was getting pissed. I then set about transforming the house, and now, I'm proud of it.

Cdin - when I got married at Christmas last year, while everyone was drinking the hard stuff - I too drank those fruit cocktails. Some of them are absolutely hmmm not to mention extremely good for you!

Crampz - I too went through a stage of regretting things after I became sober. With the help of counselling I learned to forget the past - it's gone. Make damned well sure that now you are sober that you will grasp all opportunities with both hands. Dwelling on things is what made me an alcoholic in the first place - this "poor me, poor me" attitude I had. Fuck the past - concentrate on the now, and what you want to do in the future.

Keep it going guys - remember one minute at a time if you have to - it's totally worth it! <3
 
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yesterday honsestly turned out alot better than it could've, i got my normal 1/5 and didnt drink any of it. I just feel glad that i got all that vodka away from me, because next time i get caught drunk in public i might get 60
 
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glitter_kiss said:
yesterday honsestly turned out alot better than it could've, i got my normal 1/5 and didnt drink any of it. I just feel glad that i got all that vodka away from me, because next time i get caught drunk in public i might get 60
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Congrats glitter!!
 
Gratuitous Grace said:
I'd imagine that it's probably too late to build back up the illusion. Once you know, you know ... and you can't "unknow." So, just take it easy, and look at it as a glass-half-full situation for now. "What could have been?" Things could always have turned out worse. You could have died, but you didn't ... how's that?

You'll learn to grab all the chances that come your way, take all of those opportunities. And it gets better. Much, much better than it is now. You may well get to a place where you don't regret the past at all. I used to ... and I don't now. Just give it a chance.

Congratulations on making it a few weeks. Unfortunately, I'm sure the Benzo taper is getting in the way of full appreciation of what's going on. But, what's going on is very significant. Well done. :)
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Thank you so much for your reply, you always leave the nicest posts!

But to be honest with you, I have probably reduced my lifespan by at least about 20 years by using it as a toxic waste processing plant for the previous 10. I could have died, I agree, but I don't really have anything to live for anyway. Just realised that.
 
Crampz said:
But to be honest with you, I have probably reduced my lifespan by at least about 20 years by using it as a toxic waste processing plant for the previous 10. I could have died, I agree, but I don't really have anything to live for anyway. Just realised that.
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Use it now as your chance to get healthy. Juices, exercise, and good food. My liver was pickled when I gave it up (I had a liver function test done soon after.) and, when they did the same test before my operation - my liver was fine. Healthy, happy, it has healed itself. If you treat your body right from now on, you will be able to reverse the damage done to it. I mistreated my body for a good decade too, and, trigeminal neuralgia aside (nothing to do with alcohol - it was a jaw operation I had a few months ago) I feel in pretty good shape.

Use this now Crampz as your wake up call to start living. You've emerged from a disease that is so hard to break free from. Soon enough, you will start to find things to live for. <3
 
okay, looked at my schedule. 7 days, woop. longest i've gone in years. i feel so... smart :)
 
Crampz said:
But to be honest with you, I have probably reduced my lifespan by at least about 20 years by using it as a toxic waste processing plant for the previous 10. I could have died, I agree, but I don't really have anything to live for anyway. Just realised that.
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20 years? ... nah ... there's no way you could know that. The one thing you *can* know is that you're much more likely to live longer sober. The body is strong -- especially when you treat it well. It wants to heal itself, and it will. Just let it.

And I think very soon you'll turn a mental corner and see a big, bright future as opposed to a sketchy past. Speaking of the past, it's like your ass -- it's behind you. Leave it there for now, OK? There may well come a time when you want to revisit it in a really calm and productive way. But, now is not that time.

One thing that really helped me early on -- and still does -- is to sort of constantly ask myself: "are you doing something productive and forward-looking ... or are you just in your own head?" If the answer is the latter, something needs to change. Just get up and do something. Anything -- other than drink and think.

Just take this as easy as you can. It's hard enough already, isn't it? :D I totally get the feeling of not having much or anything to live for. When I stopped drinking, I felt like everything I had to live for just got taken away from me. Trust me, though ... we all find *much* better things to live for in sobriety. Your life will expand in every direction and dimension. It's a gradual unfolding. And it will happen naturally without all of the alcoholic thinking, scheming, manipulation, steering, making-sure-I-get-what-I-want ... yuck! I don't miss that shit at all! It's so much easier than that.

Be well, everyone...
 
Sorry to double post, friends. It's just that I've been caught up in this idea of "something to live for." Again, I know how tough it is to find an alternative to living-for-alcohol. It was perhaps the only thing I was living for while I was drinking. :\

In my experience, though, it's probably not a great idea to put down the drink and immediately go searching for the next big conquest. Make your life really small, if you can manage to do that. Like, as small as this moment. Right now, I definitely feel as though I have something to live for. I'm living to type out this message on the forum. (And wouldn't you be offended if I said that I was living to do some other much grander thing and that this post was just an afterthought or a sideshow or something?) We need to be present, to stay present. This is all I have right now, and I want to make the most of it. I can't live happily in the wreckage of my future. I'm just someone who's typing right now, you know?

Sure ... I think ahead. I need to get to the post office today before it closes. So, soon enough I'll be living to do that. I'm hoping to run into someone I know ... maybe I can make the cute postal office worker smile. That would be great. And that would be enough. It *has* to be enough. When I was drinking, it was *never* enough. That was a seriously flawed approach to take, I'm afraid. It just led to more and more and more drinking.

All that said, my trip to the post office is waaay further into the future than I need to go right now. Seriously, I'm getting way ahead of myself. That errand is going to take care of itself in its own time. I don't need to bother myself with that right now. We don't live hours into the future -- let alone live some GRAND SCHEME hatched in the state of alcohol-fueled euphoria. We live moment to moment ... and all of these moments seem to take care of themselves without so much thought and planning.
 
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