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Alcoholism discussion thread v. 5.0

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Good luck blahman, it gets easier again after a few sober days.

I haven't had a drink for 10 days... Tomorrow is my last exam before I graduate from the university, I don't want to ruin that with booze.
 
^^ Best of luck for your exam, and congrats on 10 days sober polymath!! <3


blahman it sounds like a good idea for you to see a doctor about your depression, best of luck with that mate. I've been down that road too so if you wanna talk about anything to do with meds or your depression, please feel free to PM me okay?
Are you staying sober today?
 
n3ophy7e said:
^^ Best of luck for your exam, and congrats on 10 days sober polymath!! <3


blahman it sounds like a good idea for you to see a doctor about your depression, best of luck with that mate. I've been down that road too so if you wanna talk about anything to do with meds or your depression, please feel free to PM me okay?
Are you staying sober today?
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I do intend to stay sober today. I don't have any more money right now and I really don't want to go through all of this again anyway. I don't think my liver can handle it. It was stupid of me to drink in the first place after what I went through.

I've been on meds before but it didn't really work out. I had eventually started drinking and using while on them so I think all of that just messed it all up. I feel like I need to give it a fair chance because I'm basically unhappy all the time.
 
Drownrat said:
I've been drinking for about 4 years now 2 of which I have been drinking every day. I have had approximately 5 seizures which may or may not have been the result of alcohol withdrawal. I wake up withdrawing mildly at this point and give in to my urges by about 12pm noon, I haven't been sober for more than 6-8 hours in a day max for about a year. I could not go a day without going into DTs now and it's really wearing on me. I drink anywhere from 4 to 7 8.1%abv 16oz beers a day sometimes more. A recent partner of mine was diagnosed with hep c which I did at one point share a needle with, my liver is starting to become not painful but uncomfortable. 4 days from now I may run out of money entirely for my alcohol habit and I'm trying to taper off so I don't seize and die but I'm having some real trouble doing so. I don't have enough money for any sort of help so rehab and such are out of the question, but at this point I would more than welcome some advice.
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check yourself into any e.r. they can't refuse you and alcohol w/ds are life threatening. if you accept admittance they'll help you detox for about 4 days. that's definitely the safest and easiest way to detox, imo
 
Drownrat said:
I've been drinking for about 4 years now 2 of which I have been drinking every day. I have had approximately 5 seizures which may or may not have been the result of alcohol withdrawal. I wake up withdrawing mildly at this point and give in to my urges by about 12pm noon, I haven't been sober for more than 6-8 hours in a day max for about a year. I could not go a day without going into DTs now and it's really wearing on me. I drink anywhere from 4 to 7 8.1%abv 16oz beers a day sometimes more. A recent partner of mine was diagnosed with hep c which I did at one point share a needle with, my liver is starting to become not painful but uncomfortable. 4 days from now I may run out of money entirely for my alcohol habit and I'm trying to taper off so I don't seize and die but I'm having some real trouble doing so. I don't have enough money for any sort of help so rehab and such are out of the question, but at this point I would more than welcome some advice.
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Shit, I didn't see this. Definitely hope you decided to check into detox. Alcohol withdrawals are a nightmare. I've had seizures from it too and yeah, it's horrible. Nothing safe about it. Let us know how you're doing.
 
Ahhh, I've had a terrible time drinking, but it's the one substance that keeps me care free when I'm drunk. It keeps my mental problems at bay and keeps me sane. The only way I've coped with my recent sobriety (30 days yay!) was by using heroin. sober days are coped with by sleeping. Fun is hard.
 
No I haven't checked myself into an ER yet but I will probably have to do something in the next few days. I acquired enough money to get me through a normal week but my situation has drastically changed since my last post. I'm not sure when exactly but between 12am and 1am June 04, 2012 my father passed away while I was out and I was crushed. I can't bring myself to ask anyone else for help because my father was always the person I would go to when I needed it.
 
Just days away from the three months sober thing and I've fallen off the wagon. It's not that I was even craving all that much, cos I wasn't. I've not craved in a physical sense for weeks and months. It was more a 'Let's see if the control you think you've got is really control. Have a beer, see if you can keep it at just the one.'. As it turns out I couldn't. I can't say as I even enjoyed it. I've achieved so much of late, and all drinking has done is remind me just how useless I am when I'm pissed. That's hopefully a good thing, cos I'm every bit as disgusted with meself as I expected I'd be, and I'm thinking all the things I've worked hard to put in place are every bit as valuable as I wanted them to be in the first place, and they're pulling me back to sobriety. That's kinda useful I guess. Kinda shit I had to get drunk to test it though.
 
i feel the exact same way. sometimes i can feel just right and that everything that is a destruction in my life doesnt matter.. but other times it seems as if my mind is constantly going and the thoughts become to much for me to take in sometimes.
 
I also gave in right around 3 months sober. Made some mistakes, wasted some time, and wasted money on cheap booze. I was in the hospital for liver damage when I decided to sober up. I don't know if my liver has really had time to heal up, so drinking is a fucking stupid idea for me. I drank yesterday. I'm trying not to tonight.
 
Sam_ said:
i feel the exact same way. sometimes i can feel just right and that everything that is a destruction in my life doesnt matter.. but other times it seems as if my mind is constantly going and the thoughts become to much for me to take in sometimes.
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Hey Sam, welcome to Bluelight/TDS! :)

blahman8000 said:
I also gave in right around 3 months sober. Made some mistakes, wasted some time, and wasted money on cheap booze. I was in the hospital for liver damage when I decided to sober up. I don't know if my liver has really had time to heal up, so drinking is a fucking stupid idea for me. I drank yesterday. I'm trying not to tonight.
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So pissed off Blahman. Why do we do this to ourselves. I've been feeling better then I've ever felt in my life, properly getting things together like the world is my oyster, big old rational head on and loving it, actually starting to >>>FUCKING LIKE MYSELF<<< and G*d knows how hard that's been, taken me decades to get there, and just when I'm starting to feel like I'm getting where I wanna be the stupid fucking alcohol mind decides it's maybe a good idea to undo it all. WTF is that all about?

I'm not doing this to myself again. I'm not doing this to myself any more. I've had enough of this shit. I will not be beat.
 
Drownrat said:
No I haven't checked myself into an ER yet but I will probably have to do something in the next few days. I acquired enough money to get me through a normal week but my situation has drastically changed since my last post. I'm not sure when exactly but between 12am and 1am June 04, 2012 my father passed away while I was out and I was crushed. I can't bring myself to ask anyone else for help because my father was always the person I would go to when I needed it.
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I read this with sadness and offer you and your family my condolences. I can empathize, sort of. My mother died suddenly when I was 16. My father had a stroke last month while gardening and though it was not fatal, it terrified me because he is also my best friend. I am an only child. I hope you find peace, help, and all good things. You won't find true comfort in a bottle. Please, please, please, talk out your grief with a professional counselor - particularly if you have been doing drugs.

I have been pretty good lately because I have been busy. I drank a beer yesterday. I journaled (privately, offline) and took my beloved doggie with me along my day yesterday. I can't handle a purebred Siberian Husky whose first birthday was last weekend (!!!) if I am intoxicated. My dog is my baby and I am entrusted with her life.
 
Hey, Sepher and Blahman, I know that I don't have the experience of what you two are going through (why I rarely comment in this thread) but I just have to say that both of you are such strong and caring and wise human beings that I know that you will be able to conquer the "alcohol mind". That strong place inside that you are talking about, Sepher, hinges on forgiveness and acceptance I believe. It sounds like you felt what you needed to feel from the experience of relapsing but even more importantly, you knew exactly where you want return. <3<3<3 to both of you.
 
I appreciate the encouragement, herbavore. I hope you're right that I can conquer this.

It was so stupid of me to get back into this. I know my liver is sick again. I'm having trouble stomaching food again. I'm sure the seizures will start up soon if I keep this up. So fucking stupid. There's no other word for it. I made a big mistake but I'm just so fucking tired of being unhappy. I never realized just how much depression can totally exhaust a person. Alcohol doesn't make me euphoric or happy, but it makes me feel almost interested in getting out of bed.
 
Any chance of you getting some medication to ease the withrawal, Blahman8000?

Are you in contact with anyone in AA? If not, they could give you advice over the phone or in person. It might do you a bit of good to speak to someone in person who's been through it before.
 
I just have to say that you all are such courageous and brave souls to take on this beast called alcoholism... I've been battling it off and on for many years, just too afraid to admit it to my world. After reading all of your posts it helps me see that its ok if it doesn't happen overnight, and you can still survive even if the beast lures you back in...
 
You can do it if you put your mind to it HappyPillz :) Every time you fall down you just have to keep getting up. Temptation cannot always be given up just like that, you might be lured back but you can always escape!
 
blahman8000 said:
It was so stupid of me to get back into this. I know my liver is sick again. I'm having trouble stomaching food again. I'm sure the seizures will start up soon if I keep this up. So fucking stupid. There's no other word for it. I made a big mistake but I'm just so fucking tired of being unhappy. I never realized just how much depression can totally exhaust a person. Alcohol doesn't make me euphoric or happy, but it makes me feel almost interested in getting out of bed.
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yes, this exactly. i, too, am back to drinking before being able to eat every day. i need to stop again. need to stop desperately. drinking doesn't make me feel good at all whatsoever. ever. but i'll be damned if it doesn't give me an iota of motivation to do things like getting out of bed, showering, laundry, etc. you know, being a person...
 
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