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Alcoholism discussion thread v. 5.0

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First time posting in this thread. I never drink but drug addiction and alcoholism have affected my life in many negative ways.

My fiance is a recovering alcoholic, probably was one of the worst I've ever seen (at rock bottom). It's a terrible thing to see the love of your life feel so hopeless and self destructive. Naturally I could not allow someone I love to kill herself, the way she would drink puts the show Intervention to shame in comparison. It took probably the best part of a year but she doesn't drink anymore and has no desire to, and since she quit drinking her life has improved in so many ways, she's making DOUBLE the income she was before. and all that money that used to go to booze, just went to her brand new Chevy, and she's happier than she's ever been.
 
@SMFG: repetition isn't always the way, but sure, it definitely works for many. Where am I comming from with this? ..The whole "quality over quantity" dig. Sometimes it only takes a single glimpse at one thing or another, and bam.. You know?

I guess then repetition comes back into play then anyways, because you want to keep that something. :D
 
^ yer maybe not the best example on my part, more of the obsorvation that doing something repeatidly makes you good @ it most of the time angle i was coming from does have a bit of a ? over it regarding this subject... One things for sure after the way ive felt im still of solid resolve...made it thru the day, dont give a fuck what gets chucked @ me im makin it thru, will worry about tomorrow when it comes:)

Also welcomes tricomb!! have seen you posting about welcome to TDS:D
 
13th day of sobriety. Still hanging in there, despite having basically no support from the people around me. Coming down with flu symptoms (it's been going around my family lately). I basically never get sick.

I think my liver might be getting better, but it's hard to tell. I'm going to schedule an appointment at a nearby clinic soon, to see how everything is going. I need a checkup anyway. My asthma is killing me, and my anxiety has been through the roof.

All I know right now is that I will not drink today. I hope you all decide the same for yourselves. Let's keep working at this.
 
^Fuck yea blahman!! Thats winning, I hope all is ok when you go for that checkup:) and ur feelin better soon.
As i ranted about in the social, i feel like doing something different today like a mission of sorts, my anxiety is gunna be there to a degree anyways im beginning to think being stuck in here in this little box has been driving me insane i really wana try and break this stuck here cycle, not like i have plenty that has to be done my therapist sais its just not gonna get better untill im a couple of months sober. So as soon as i can il get out there.... into the bush if nessacary and try and have some outside time to sit and think hopefuly positive stuff.

I cant think of a better ending to this post than what blahman said in his last sentence:\
 
^I feel like a lot of people I've known over the years who are struggling with alcohol or other addictions have considered themselves to be "creatures of habit." I know I am. So that cycle you speak of is so intensely hard to break loose from! And in my experience, it has made both getting and living sober very difficult and frustrating every time around. I think it's important to recognize the sheer power that living habitually can have over our own happiness... it's baffling, honestly.

~ vaya
 
on one hand i know i shouldn't drink but honestly the only reason i want to abstain is so i can spend the money on other drugs, but ever since i found this liqour store selling the beers for a dollar even it seems i just want to keep on going, i almost feel stupid spending my money on somthing else when its this cheap.
but i know this isnt helping my life at all sometime i just thing of it as a slow suicide because of my hep-c, which i think is one of the main reasons i do it, ive always been obcessed with self-desruction, but i havent gotten the nerve to take the next step yet
 
glitter_kiss said:
but i havent gotten the nerve to take the next step yet
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Hey.
Pause, take a breath, and know that you don't have to make any decisions right now. Just for now, you're safe; you don't have to take any next steps just for the moment.

Tell us more; how long have you been struggling with using substances to cope with other things?
 
i guess ive been dealing with my life thorugh various substances for about 9 or 10 years, i know most of my problems stem from isolating myself from everyone i know. i cant remember the last time i talked to a friend, actualy i can it was two weeks ago for 5 secs. they were on their way to pick up and they told me theyd call me back but obviously that never happend, it just seems like all my friend are either dead or they just dont want to talk to me. im just so tired of my life going nowhere.
 
^ Good for you, man. Not an easy thing to do, but definitely something to feel good about afterwards.

Didn't drink today, just as I said I wouldn't. Another one for the books. It's now officially Thursday, which makes day 14 for me. So in 24 hours I'll have two weeks sober. I'm not going to keep counting days for much longer, though. I know the "one day at a time" principle is valuable, but I also just want to accept sobriety as my life now. Unfortunately, the cravings are starting to really sink in. I'm surprised, because beforehand, ever since I quit, I've basically been revolted by the idea of having a drink. Sometimes I still am. I guess it's just difficult for me not to have some kind of substance to depend on. I've wanted to pick up benzos, because part of me believes I can control that, and sometimes my anxiety is completely out of control, especially in my current living situation.

I've got an appointment at a nearby medical clinic scheduled a few weeks from now, so if the anxiety doesn't settle down by then, I'm going to see if something can be done about it. Til then, I just need to stay on this road and keep staying clean.

I think I'm coming down with the flu, which sucks because given the condition of my liver, I can't think of a single flu medication I can safely take right now.
 
blahman8000 said:
It's now officially Thursday, which makes day 14 for me. So in 24 hours I'll have two weeks sober. I'm not going to keep counting days for much longer, though. I know the "one day at a time" principle is valuable, but I also just want to accept sobriety as my life now
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Congrats, and this is how I look at it too. This is not my first time trying to go strait either. I simply do not keep track of it anymore. It makes everything a lot easier that way. If it really matters that much, write down the date when you quit on a piece of paper and look it up later.

It will start getting easier after each couple weeks or each month, since you'll still think about when the date was every now and then. No biggy, keep it up dude.
 
glitter_kiss said:
i guess ive been dealing with my life thorugh various substances for about 9 or 10 years, i know most of my problems stem from isolating myself from everyone i know. i cant remember the last time i talked to a friend, actualy i can it was two weeks ago for 5 secs. they were on their way to pick up and they told me theyd call me back but obviously that never happend, it just seems like all my friend are either dead or they just dont want to talk to me. im just so tired of my life going nowhere.
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I have a ton of problems functioning when I'm in a place like this. In fact, I'm in such a place right now (and have been for eternities, it seems!)
I'm doing my best at staying sober by keeping my head afloat, letting others know when I need help, and taking these rather lonely times to reflect on personal growth... and to give myself some long-overdue credit for the things I have managed to do over the past couple months. Don't forget to reflect on what is working instead of all-or-nothing on what might need improvement!!

Keep the communication lines open, too... TDS is a great place for that, and it seems like you feel comfortable discussing aspects of your life here. Keep that up as well...! :)

DexterMeth said:
An old friend gave me a free bottle of wine today and I handed it off to a homeless person. It made that dude's day and mine as well.
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That's great - made me smile to read this today.

blahman8000 said:
Didn't drink today, just as I said I wouldn't. Another one for the books. It's now officially Thursday, which makes day 14 for me. So in 24 hours I'll have two weeks sober.
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Congratulations blahman!!! You realize you're makin' it through the absolute toughest time as far as staying sober is concerned, right?! Great news... 1 month is looking all the more realistic isnt it?

What's changed the most for you in the past 14 days?
 
DexterMeth said:
Congrats, and this is how I look at it too. This is not my first time trying to go strait either. I simply do not keep track of it anymore. It makes everything a lot easier that way. If it really matters that much, write down the date when you quit on a piece of paper and look it up later.

It will start getting easier after each couple weeks or each month, since you'll still think about when the date was every now and then. No biggy, keep it up dude.
Click to expand...

Thanks. I know the date by heart because it was the same day I went to the doctor and then straight to the hospital and detoxed. Counting days seems counterintuitive, at least for me, because over time it makes every day seem like a new mountain to climb, rather than viewing sobriety as my new lifestyle as a whole. Booze just isn't an option anymore, period.

Vaya said:
Congratulations blahman!!! You realize you're makin' it through the absolute toughest time as far as staying sober is concerned, right?! Great news... 1 month is looking all the more realistic isnt it?

What's changed the most for you in the past 14 days?
Click to expand...

Over the course of 14 days, it seems like things got a bit more difficult than they were initially. I do have cravings now and I didn't before. It's mostly for a cold six pack of good beer, rather than to just get trashed like I used to. Other times I crave drugs. I can't use vicodin or percocet because of the condition of my liver, anyway. But I do occasionally feel like it would be nice to have a Xanax here and there. Other times I want to chop a line of Oxycontin. But with drugs, what I came to notice the most after a while was how temporary it was, and I'd be more focused on how fleeting the feeling was, rather than enjoying it in the moment. I knew it would go away so I'd just take more and more, thus developing a habit. Same with alcohol. I just consumed more and more until I couldn't even stay awake. That feeling, along with the awful quality of booze I was drinking so much of, is one of the main things that keeps me from picking up the bottle or drugs.

Anyway, point is, the cravings are there, the anxiety is worse, and it is definitely getting harder, but I'm still as committed to this as I was from day one. I just have to keep reminding myself how much better it feels not passing out in the afternoon, not throwing up all the time, and not waking up so hungover that I can't even move without taking a double shot every morning. It's so much better to finally feel capable of living.
 
This past week has been a nightmare. I'm losing my direction I have spent so long trying to find again. I am so sad with how far I have let myself slip in such a short amount of time. Not only for that I know how long the road back is. I remember the day when I never wanted to fall asleep because I didn't want to face tomorrow. I was able to find hope again in looking forward to the next day of progress. I am so close to fearing for tomorrow again. I sure hope something changes soon.
 
Stardust. Chin up and stop thinking about the past. Your life has taken a new direction. Instead of thinking about what you should have done and been, how about who you are and what you now must do? Goals and stakes change no doubt. If I was in your shoes, I'd stop striving for an old idea, that let's face it, may have not been a good one in the first place. If I'm wrong on this, then you know what you have to do.. don't give up.

It is truely never too late to be what you might have been.
Might being the key word. It's up to you and no one else.
 
Hey, thanks for the kind words. It really means a lot. This morning was such an awful reminder to wake up to. The ole "I've been here before even though I told myself last time I would never again".
 
RedLeader said:
I'll try and put it rationally to ya. If you drink today, you'll feel good for a day, but set yourself back 10 days or wherever you are. You'll have to go through those first 9 days all over again. Or you start drinking daily again. Either way, you're trading 1 good day away for a serious of worse ones.
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I have to say, I appreciate everyone that posts in this thread, tons of good support to go around. But I want to give a special thanks to RedLeader for quotes like these. When I can internalize a thought like this I become 100x more equipped to challenge my own irrational thinking on those times of intense cravings. Last night for example I was hit with cravings out of nowhere. My mind was rationalizing and endorsing every aspect of the experience. It basically came down to a simple slip in my thinking would have taken me down the whole path of drinking. It's like the addiction is a muscle made out of neurons, and by using you are exercising that muscle and making it stronger than the other neurological muscles in your brain. Overcoming the compulsions of addiction, to me, means strength training in the other areas of your brain. So that when addiction begins actively working in your head, you have an even stronger neurological mechanism for acting against it.

This is the reason I really fear addictions, and why most people just cannot understand them, despite having good intentions. Addictions are a sort of schizophrenia that you personally encourage without really knowing it. By the time you have an addiction, you actually have an active, illogical entity in your head that is completely disinterested in you. At least that is how I have come to see it.
 
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