dragonslayer428
Bluelighter
All I know is that I drink again, I'm dead man.
Went to NA yesterday. Seem like a really nice group and Im gonna go back there asap. I got a red tag, a hug, and loads of support. Hangin in there.
Cheers Dexter.I'm feeling pretty positive at the minute though objectively speaking most outside observers would say I'm about in as bad a place as things have got so far, or back to as bad as they've been in the past anyways, whatever. I could get worse quite easily and I'm rebounding off the latest scare, which always gives a little boost to the motivation but doesn't always last long enough to make real changes, so I'm not investing too much in any one thing as yet, ya know?
I'm not one of those that knocks 12-Step just cos I didn't find it useful. I know it works for some and have seen the results. It's whatever works for you in this game, eh?It's purely down to some kind of mind-set thing. I just hope SMART will work for me better, but I'm aiming to run lots of things in parallel this time, as I intended 12 months or so ago before the CBT counsellor I waited months to get in to see after asking my GP for a referral told me she couldn't help me develop the tools / skills I needed / wanted to help me beat the booze until I'd stopped drinking. WTF!? :banghead: Stupid! You can't treat cause and effect in isolation. You have to treat them both, surely? They disagreed, but hey, what do i know? I only live inside my own head and know what it looks like from in here, so have a bit of an inkling what it might need, ya know?
8)
I've been pretty productive though this week and aim to continue. Next step is seeing what the Addiction Unit have to offer apart from meds now that I've referred myself back to them. Just waiting for the appointment to come through. Step after that kinda depends what they have to offer counselling-wise, but I've got a plan, and I'm working it. Baby steps thing. Pretty damn pleased with myself, even though I'm drinking till such time as my plan comes together and I put a proper stop date in place.
3 weeks without booze (or any drugs). I don't know if I can even enjoy getting drunk anymore if I tried. The thought of it just gives me a headache. I'll end up chugging vodka, getting bored and tired, and going to bed, then I'll just wake up feeling like absolute shit.
Now it's not there, and I have my bad days. I have my bad recent memories that I would drink off my mind not long ago. Now I just sit here with them.
New to forum, turning 23 next week and feeling quite down. Tried to quite drinking by smoking weed for a month, didn't quite work out as I'd hoped it would. I'm used to drinking 8-9 bottles of wine a week, depending on the week. Have just downed one bottle and 'am now sobering up on beer. Have been feeling really apathetic, depressed and quite suicidal for the past few months (been feeling like this before the weed too) just having hard time to find a reason to live on. Sorry about the shitty grammar, english is not my mother tongue, as you might have noticed.
I have mixed feelings about booze. In a way, I've been living a functional and relatively happy life for the past few years. I don't feel like a loser or like I'm throwing away my life. I have friends, hobbies, goals. I'm moderately successful in school and the work I do. I'm busy, I'm passionate and life really isn't all that bad.
When I'm in a 'wet' period, which is where I'm either drinking, hungover or craving, my focus is shit. I have a hard time studying. I just want to distract myself. I become more emotional and I'm unmotivated. The minute you tell me tonight drinks are involved, suddenly I'm doing the dishes, I'm getting my homework done and I'm whistling dixie. This is a problem. I just haven't experienced dire enough consequences to make myself stop. I somehow feel that as long as I'm meeting my minimum goals that it's OK to be getting wasted the rest of the time.