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Recovery Alcohol is not an option anymore

Jabberwocky

Jabberwocky

Frumious Bandersnatch
Joined
Nov 3, 1999
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Looking-Glass Land
cliche boring ass thread

7/10/2021 - made a fool of myself again today and made my friends hate me again, I honestly just want to cry and hide from everything. Bury me a nice deep hole. Get comfy. Fuck you.

6:48am: been sobering up for 3 hours, no sleep and about to go to work, I don't feel like drinking today, just want some weed.... today will not be an issue, it's always day 2....
 
Snafu of the Forest said:
cliche boring ass thread

7/10/2021 - made a fool of myself again today and made my friends hate me again, I honestly just want to cry and hide from everything. Bury me a nice deep hole. Get comfy. Fuck you.

6:48am: been sobering up for 3 hours, no sleep and about to go to work, I don't feel like drinking today, just want some weed.... today will not be an issue, it's always day 2....
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Wishing you the best Snafu, I gave up drinking years ago for the same reason, I'd wake up with a busted head bloody pillow, scabs on my legs and knees from falling scary shit, and my loved ones around me would hate me for it, until I gained up enough courage to stop, gave it up, no more I want to go through that.

Hope you have a safe and great weekend.
 
@Snafu of the Forest I am a recovering hardcore 24/7 drinker alcoholic. I know what these moments are like. You've slowly been coming to this conclusion over the last few months that I've known you and I truly wish you all the absolute BEST with your sobriety. You have my full, unconditional, unwavering support, and I mean that. Message me any time, ANY TIME, and we'll talk about whatever. Love you bro, you can do this <3
 
n3ophy7e said:
@Snafu of the Forest I am a recovering hardcore 24/7 drinker alcoholic. I know what these moments are like. You've slowly been coming to this conclusion over the last few months that I've known you and I truly wish you all the absolute BEST with your sobriety. You have my full, unconditional, unwavering support, and I mean that. Message me any time, ANY TIME, and we'll talk about whatever. Love you bro, you can do this <3
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Snafu has my support also, I've been in rehabs everything, the one thing they teach you is people, places and things that remind you and will cause you to relapse, to stay away from those people, places and things.
 
mate you can do this.

i don't know what needs to happen for it to happen. but you can. you have more power than you think. one of the cons of addiction is that nothing works so we might as well not fight. well, fight.

move on from what happened, i'm sure its not as bad as you think anyway. guilt and shame only feed addictive thoughts. you can deal with the damage later but now you need to put it to one side and concentrate on not drinking today.
 
7/11/21 - the lady at the store laughed at me because I tried to buy beer at 9:27am on a Sunday. I didn't know it was Sunday. I can't quit today, not possible. Spinning and tumbling with the only thing to keep me level a very strong 12 pack. I'll try again tomorrow. I don't think I'm going to get any help or librium.
 
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Snafu of the Forest said:
7/11/21 - the lady at the store laughed at me because I tried to buy beer at 9:27 on a Sunday. I didn't know it was Sunday. I can't quit today, not possible. Spinning and tumbling with the only thing to keep me level a very strong 12 pack. I'll try again tomorrow. I don't think I'm going to get any help or librium.
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not good mate. i really feel for you. i've been there myself. it sounds like you've spiralled really fast. its amazing how exponentially addictive behaviours and compulsions can accelerate. i went through it myself before i got back to my parents place.

can you not even check out AA or NA near you? i get the impression its way more bible bashy over there than it is here but there will be people there who know what services are available locally, and they may be able to help you out in ways you can't imagine if you just show up and communicate that you want to change. or any other mutual support group basically.
 
chinup said:
can you not even check out AA or NA near you? i get the impression its way more bible bashy over there than it is here but there will be people there who know what services are available locally, and they may be able to help you out in ways you can't imagine if you just show up and communicate that you want to change. or any other mutual support group basically.
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I can but.... I'm extremely pessimistic about it. I've been to probably 500+ meetings in my life but not in many years.

Part of it is my social anxiety and basic shyness, I don't know anyone in NC since I moved here. Another big part is pessimism. I know exactly what to expect out of a meeting and don't know if it will help..................................... but that's me being a fucking asshole and pessimistic I might get a sponsor

idk that is a very difficult chess move for me to make for some reason

I'd much rather check into a rehab but that's not financially possible atm
 
You only have to be sober to share right? If it is a way to get to the 2d meeting sober why not? I don't see it as cheating really.

I always take my diazepam right before the meeting, still consider myself sober cause my heart is pounding half of the times I go there.

I also have 400 mg of abilify in my right butt cheek as I speak I don't let that hold me back from considering myself sober either.
 
Snafu of the Forest said:
wtf is s a smart meeting? online??? never heard of that
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Kind of like 12 steps but no labelling yourself as an alcoholic, no religious bs, and more about looking forward and improving oneself.

Home - SMART Recovery

SMART Recovery is the leading evidence-based addiction recovery program. Join a free meeting today and begin experiencing a Life Beyond Addiction.
www.smartrecovery.org www.smartrecovery.org

I dunno if they have virtual meetings, probably, but the ones I went to were in person.
 
Pickledlemons said:
Kind of like 12 steps but no labelling yourself as an alcoholic, no religious bs, and more about looking forward and improving oneself.

Home - SMART Recovery

SMART Recovery is the leading evidence-based addiction recovery program. Join a free meeting today and begin experiencing a Life Beyond Addiction.
www.smartrecovery.org www.smartrecovery.org

I dunno if they have virtual meetings, probably, but the ones I went to were in person.
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there's one by me, interested, but the website is very generic? is it just a group meeting?
 
Snafu of the Forest said:
cliche boring ass thread

7/10/2021 - made a fool of myself again today and made my friends hate me again, I honestly just want to cry and hide from everything. Bury me a nice deep hole. Get comfy. Fuck you.

6:48am: been sobering up for 3 hours, no sleep and about to go to work, I don't feel like drinking today, just want some weed.... today will not be an issue, it's always day 2....
Click to expand...

Cliche? Well, alcohol has to be the most common substance leading some users into trouble. That does not make it a cliche. It makes it common. Boring? Not boring to me.

Alcoholic here also. Beer dude here also.

I have mastered the art of making a fool of myself and making people hate me. So you "honestly just want to cry and hide away from everything" then DO IT! For a while, do not stay hiding, with tears falling, for prolonged periods of time.

I dunno. I wanted to say something clever that will surely help you. But if i knew those words, those methods of action, i would have applied them to my own life already by now.

I wish strength to you. It is a battle. It is a fucking war! So many times i have waved a white flag and just left the battlefield. Drank and drank and drank again, without even trying to do anything about it. Then things get too sour, and i am fighting again. Then i lose, and the white flag is waving high again. Dunno... Maybe one day we will win. Just fucking win. The war against alcohol dependency. Hard to imagine that, but it has happened to others, it CAN happen to you bro! <3
 
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