Advice on "flirting"

[yuti]

So I've been with my girlfriend for four years now (I'm 25), everything has been fine but our sex life has dropped drastically.. Basically to sum it up, I'm amazing in bed but there's no spark because I don't flirt anymore, it's just sex that I have on my mind and now I'm here for advice because I honestly don't know what to do.. I know how to flirt anymore or what she means, I used to flirt when I was younger but I guess I kind of just let it die out because we were together, what is considered flirting? I want to add excitement back in our lives. I want her to crave me like she once did, I can tell it's there at times but I can also admit I'm at fault if this is in fact the problem.

Things I do : (Which I know are not flirting)

Massages, quite often, like 2-6 a week usually.
Dinners, at least twice a month.
Odds and ends like running around for her at times, together type of things.

 

[Stevenski]

Not sure on exactly what constitutes "flirting" but it seems like you are in a rut. You are doing all the right things in a LTR as you said but what has changed? You are comfortable with each other & have stopped doing the little things that were so critical in the beginning when you were setting the foundations.

The small stuff does matter! Really simple things that let her know you still desire her as much as you did on day 1. When was the last time you grabbed her, looked in her eyes & kissed her deeply for no apparent reason? Humans are sensory beings so you need to let her know by using the senses to assist you.

Touch her! Don't grope her but touch her, even holding hands when watching a crappy TV show reassures your SO that you want to be with them & basic physical contact is a must.

Tell her! Recognise when she has made an effort with her appearance & compliment it as such. Find something (anything) to compliment her on every day. It could be the way she did her hair today or the top she is wearing or the way she smiled at a shitty joke you told her.

I am no master at this shit judging by my relationship failures but complacency in a relationship is a death sentence unless addressed. It is not rocket science that most (not all) women have affairs because they do not feel desired at home. Therefore when they don't get attention at home & a guy starts paying them compliments etc they will feel what they have been missing out on.

I exploited this when I was in my 20's. Complimenting an attractive stay at home mum whose husband is always at work & offering to "personally deliver" what they bought never failed me. I am far from a oil painting & was a very very sick unit at the time. What I did was wrong I suppose but it was easy with a minimum of effort required on my behalf.

I am sure there will be some here who say I am wrong but I am only basing this off my personal experiences.

 

[pokepoke420]

Discuss it with her. I had that talk with my girl, we went through a slump. Basically she told me, just take control. Throw me on the bed and fuck me..

Needless to say, we have been fucking more than we did when we first started dating. Just take control man. Throw her on the bed and make out with her lustfully, show her you want her.

 

[Lysis]

Flirting is one of my favorite past-times ever. It's an artform to give the "fuck me" eyes and teasing and getting a boy hard with just words. God, I love it.

 

[Pagey]

Maybe try to compliment her more, touch her sensually, stare at her intently before kissing her (not just randomly, that's a bit creepy haha), that sort of thing. Also, if the issue is just that your sex life has become kind of routine-ish, maybe you could try exploring new things in bed?

 

[yuti]

Stevenski,

Thanks bud.. A little bit of what i"m looking for.

pokepoke420,

Did the best I could, long story lol.

Lysis,

What would you consider flirting? The only things I can think of are locking eyes, gentle subtle touches, smiling deeply...

Pagey,

I compliment her probably more than I should lol... As far as other things, been there. Sex isn't bad when we have it it's just the lead up/chase seems to not be there because I have no problem picking her up, throwing her on a bed and start making out with her.

 

[quaff]

I would try something new together, and try being more active together. Not only will it strengthen your bond, but it should kick start your sex drive a bit. The issue also might not be flirting, but her not feeling very good about herself.

When you say you already compliment her, what kind of things are you telling her?

 

[llama112]

Compliment her differently? If you're saying one thing often ... try saying something different. Like, if you compliment her body a lot, try compliment a part of her personality. Just something like that.

What about watching porn together?

Just try something new in bed. I obviously don't know the details of what you two do, but I'm *sure* there is something that you haven't tried. Go for it

 

[MittZombie]

If all else fails, you can always say that she doesn't try to seduce you enough.
In some ways it's a gender-specific, two way street.
Though it's kind of a cop out. Just repeat the stuff you did when you first tried to get her in bed, with a focus on making her laugh

 

[rangrz]

Touch her. But not in the "typical" way we think of with sex. Run your hands lightly down the back of her arms while sitting on the couch, stroke her neck and cheek with a finger when talking to her in the kitchen, come up behind her and hug her from behind, resting your hands on her hip bones, run your fingers softly down her calves/ankles/over her feet, kiss her tummy. Etc.

In my exp, that kind of stuff works REALLY well to get someone feeling amorous.