I'm curious how people deal with shame from humiliating experiences caused by drugs?
I have been using a variety of different drugs for over 20 years and 97% of the time I don't act too abnormal but there has been a few occasions when I have exhibited some extremely odd behavior which sometimes has left me deeply ashamed and even traumatized. To be more specific, some of the behaviors are rather innocent but more and more embarrassing the older I get. For instance; loud discordant and obnoxious singing, screaming fits, vomiting, dancing at inappropriate times in inappropriate places; basically cringe-worthy stuff. Some I have limited recollection of and I think are caused by near overdoses or perhaps extreme panic attacks.
Considering people rob, rape, steal, murder and do a ton of far more harmful things on a daily basis, I feel as though I really shouldn't feel much remorse. However, my body and mind doesn't always agree. I am constantly bombarded by memories, some from 20 years ago, that ignite feelings of anxiety and depression each time they resurface.
Anyway, how do I process this stuff?
Any ideas, input, or assistance is appreciated.
Thanks
*Edit
(Adding journal article describing various symptoms that were observed during fentanyl overdoses)
Atypical overdose presentations observed at a supervised injection site, Vancouver, Canada
I have been using a variety of different drugs for over 20 years and 97% of the time I don't act too abnormal but there has been a few occasions when I have exhibited some extremely odd behavior which sometimes has left me deeply ashamed and even traumatized. To be more specific, some of the behaviors are rather innocent but more and more embarrassing the older I get. For instance; loud discordant and obnoxious singing, screaming fits, vomiting, dancing at inappropriate times in inappropriate places; basically cringe-worthy stuff. Some I have limited recollection of and I think are caused by near overdoses or perhaps extreme panic attacks.
Considering people rob, rape, steal, murder and do a ton of far more harmful things on a daily basis, I feel as though I really shouldn't feel much remorse. However, my body and mind doesn't always agree. I am constantly bombarded by memories, some from 20 years ago, that ignite feelings of anxiety and depression each time they resurface.
Anyway, how do I process this stuff?
Any ideas, input, or assistance is appreciated.
Thanks
*Edit
(Adding journal article describing various symptoms that were observed during fentanyl overdoses)
Secondly, illicit drug overdoses were presenting in unfamiliar ways. While opioid overdoses typically feature pinpoint pupils, respiratory depression, and unconsciousness [4], Insite nurses and staff observed atypical overdose presentations including muscle rigidity, particularly stiff posturing, chest wall and jaw rigidity, dyskinesia, low or irregular heart rate, confusion or delirium, and anisocoria or unequal pupils.
Dyskinesia reflected a spectrum of involuntary muscle movements ranging from myoclonic jerks and twitches to more severe cases of chorea including uncontrollable flailing of limbs, and rolling around on the floor. Some of these atypical overdose features presented without other typical opioid overdose characteristics, which caused a delay for staff to recognize these events as opioid overdoses.
An example was a client who presented with dyskinesia and distress, yelling “I don’t understand what is happening to me”. The client was alert, responsive, and not exhibiting other typical features of opioid overdose. Another example was a client who presented first by slamming his arms onto the table while making incoherent sounds then collapsing onto the floor and beginning to flail. Continued dyskinesia, incoherent vocalizations, and an inability to respond to staff direction was interspersed with brief periods of lucidity when the client apologized for his actions with clear speech.
In another example of dyskinesia, the client was described as rolling around on the floor with limbs flailing, yelling, and crying incomprehensibly and becoming increasingly sweaty.
Atypical overdose presentations observed at a supervised injection site, Vancouver, Canada
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