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Addicts Dating Addicts

Disgruntled

Disgruntled

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 1, 2009
Messages
109
Was just wondering if anyone else has an experience in a relationship with an addict, being an addict yourself.

I'm an opiate addict personally, was using IV oxycodone/morphine/hydromorphone daily, as well as handfuls of percocet and vicodin in between. Got on sub, got off that, and have been fairly clean for like nine months. I guess I'm a polydrug addict these days though, I drink and smoke frequently and will take/shoot anything else I can get my hands on, be it meth, mephedrone, benzoes, coke, whatever. No physical addictions but the mental craving to get fucked up on something. Still, definitely beats the opiates.

I met my (now ex) boyfriend last year when I was going through my needle days. We actually shared a house with a couple of other people when I was on suboxone, and were best friends almost immediately. After a few months he admitting feelings towards me and we started a relationship. We've lived together just the two of us since about April I would guess. I loved him, he helped me stay clean.

Long story short, he started having terrible problems with xanax. Eating forty five bars in three days bad, spending all his rent money on it, and committing burglaries while blacked out. He's been in and out of jail three times for the stuff he's done and is just out of control.

Sorry for the long backstory but it seemed necessary.Was just wondering if anyone else has experience dating another addict, and how did that work out? Did you just enable each other to relapse, or did you find the strength in each other to be sober? In my case it was the enabling, his relapses would lead to me getting fucked up so I didn't have to think about it, and vice versa. And all the dishonesty about taking drugs and going behind each other's backs ultimately proved fatal. We were in love, but couldn't trust each other and knew it, and ultimately had to go our separate ways. After this, I know I can't be in a relationship with another person that has the same drug problems I do. It's hard enough focusing on your own sobriety without having to worry about what your SO picked up that day.

What about you?
 
I personally havnt but have known lots of others who have and it usually consisted of them turning into "running partners". Meaning instead of spending time with each other, loving each other etc they would spend all their time trying to score together, being sick, and using together instead and this just brought them further apart and they'd just constantly fight from living such a shitty life.
 
Well me and my g/f where both addicted to IV opiates and i don't think we had too many problems as a result of it. Except that we where both bitchy when we where in withdrawal :| . So it's not always negative and we usually stocked up enough where we didnt have to go run and get more morphine, dilaudid or whatever for a few days.

We arent living together now because i had to move back home do to unrelated circumstances but she is still my best friend and i love her to bits and i don't doubt i'll end up living with her again. She kicked her habit but i never kicked mine so that could cause problems :\
 
It would have probably been easier to manage (though worse in the long run) if we were both addicted to the same thing. I don't find much enjoyment in getting blacked out on xanax (though I do like xanax I don't feel a pull), and he was never much of one for the needle. He'd take a hit, but never looked for it and only if it was offered to him.

As far as running partners goes, I had that with a good friend last year and we definitely enabled each other. Yet for some reason I look back on that time with nostalgia, even when we were at each other's throats withdrawing everything was perfect when we would score. Sad that I look back on being an addict fondly...
 
Years ago I went out with another drug user for about 6 months. I thought we were both in love (at least what my idea of love was then), and our relationship revolved mostly around speed. We'd stay awake for days together, pretty much just doing as much drugs as possible. But at that point we were not trying to stop, so we just ended up using more drugs together than had we been on our own.

I ended up leaving the relationship to go to rehab, and that was that. She supported my decision to go rather than trying to force me to stay with her. We were both Bluelight members back then, and after having recently read some of her posts from just after I went to rehab I'm not even sure if she's alive.

I think relationships are difficult whether drugs are involved or not, but drugs can definitely make things messy. I don't think it's necessarily the case that two people will drag one another down, maybe a relationship is just the experience that two people need to push them in the right direction. Had I not gotten into that relationship I would most likely not have ended up going to rehab back then. I sure as hell learned a lot from the whole thing...
 
Georgie25 said:
I personally havnt but have known lots of others who have and it usually consisted of them turning into "running partners". Meaning instead of spending time with each other, loving each other etc they would spend all their time trying to score together, being sick, and using together instead and this just brought them further apart and they'd just constantly fight from living such a shitty life.
Click to expand...

Exactly what I was thinking untill I read this.
I fear turning people into the person I am.. Like when I turn them onto something new, no matter who (even family), or if I let someone [ unexperienced/ young/ stupid ] know I did something; because I can say " iFeel great, ate 40 buses" or "250mg Addy" or "10 Rol-- (You get the point), And that person could go home and think they can/should ingest the same amount. And then they'd be addicted and most likely ruined.
 
You guys should check out the documentary called 'Dope Sick Love" in full on Youtube. ABout 3 couples in NYC addicted to heroin and crack...which most of them admit have turned into "running partners", especially being homeless addicts, which BTW most of my drug experience comes from when I was on homeless on the streets addicted to IV heroin/coke for 4 years.
 
In my experience it pretty much always turns out with one person dragging the other back down. It mightn't work that way when both people have a lot of clean time behind them when they meet, but it seems to always end in disaster when people break the rule about getting into relationships early in recovery - you might both be clean, but to a large extent you still think and behave like addicts.

In a way, the thing which leads to that feeling of incredible intimacy is that you're both fucked up - and that means you have a vested interest in remaining fucked up to maintain that feeling of a special bond.

It's not uncommon for relationships forged in psych units to follow a similar pattern of bringing both parties undone.
 
I have been with my girlfriend for almost 12 months now. the first day we met i showed her to shoot up coke. 3 months later we started slamming meth daily since she was a recovered meth addict. we tried to hold off from the tweak for as long as possible but couldnt.

we spent our first 6 months together shooting up all day every day and the last 6 months we have been completely clean excecpt for weed and alchohol.
We have defently helped each other stay clean to the fullest and i think i woulda had a harder time without her which is ironic since we each enabled each other so much when we first met.

its hard to tell wether you love the person or not when your high as fuck all day every day. Some people are just fun to do drugs and run around with getting high, if thats the case shit isnt gonna work out well.
but if you truly care about each other you can most certainly aid each other in sobriety.
 
Yes, the most significant relationship thus far was with another addict. She had gone further down the path of addiction than me by the time we got together, but we basically got together because we both loved Vicodin and were hanging out in the same bar every night. Gradually we went from friends to lovers, and the Vicodin became a problem for her, at the time I was able to walk away from it. I managed to convince her to get on Suboxone and we had a great relationship for awhile but ultimately our addictive personalities did us in. We drank constantly, abused valium and ambien.

However I think our relationship could have worked out, there were other factors that were out of our control that took our relationship down at a very rocky point in our time together.

We've both made major changes since the end of our relationship and I think if we were both committed to living soberly it could be an ideal relationship but it's still too early to tell. I do know that what started out as a shared love of opiates turned into something much greater, we were truly in love and had great times, traveled all over Europe together. All my relationships with more sober women are dull in comparison.

I believe it can work but the two people have to have reached a certain point in their addiction where they are willing to let go and move on in a more sober direction. It can definitely work, just depends on the situation.
 
^^^

I'd love to have a hundred dollars for every person I know who's stayed in a relationship to their own detriment because they believe their partner can't survive without them only to find that when the relationship finally does end their partner moves on before they do.
 
^^Lolie's right here
Of course, you dont want to instigate a situation where someone who's already vulnerable loses it, because you reject her but alot of this thinking is projection.
I read somewhere that Active Addicts dont have the Emotional ability to love(in the Mature sense of the word), and its kinda true. Im Kinda still with a recovering addict and see how he is not there for me emotionally, he's totally stunted(all intention and no delivery unless Im spelling things out to him)- its heartbreaking so I actually dont live with him anymore but see/stay with him from time to time, and we talk/txt alot every day. I know my limits and keep physical contact just enough that I can handle without feeling he is going to suck me in. He Acts like he needs me like his Mother, Im a crutch to him-but he's lying to himself and me and he either doesn't want to face it, or is aware of this bullshit, am not sure. Either way am tryin not to let it bring me down but it is affecting me, but Im strong so Il manage.
I really just consider him a best buddy now, and have told him this but dont think its registered.
Ive been nothing but honest with him about how I feel and what I think about us/him.
Really loving someone means you gotta respect the reality even if it is really fuking painfull.
Im trying to get on with my life, and not think about this shit because its his Addiction, and now Anger he's to deal with Im not gonna be stuck in some vapid support role just so he can feel good about himself. Hes been arrested recently, I live a clean life and dont want him dragging his shit into it, and he knows not to even think of pushing it! I do love him, (and him me in his own way) so much but have little/no trust in his behaviour, am loyal to him and he knows Im always going to tell him straight how I see things but Ive let go of everything else and I have no Expectations. I could go on about all the positives but they are all overshadowed by the Addiction. In a word; Its dissapointing, but am just glad he's alive and has support in his life and I have my family for Emotional Support:(
 
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My parents acually. My mother was an alcoholic for probably about 10 years. She started recovery 2 years ago and was sober for 4 months. Then on her second treatment, met her boyfriend. He was an alcoholic also. Possible meth addict also due to teeth damage he has. He has been clean for 3 years, 4 years next month. My mom about a month or 2 ago relapsed once again. She is now going through her 3rd alcohol detox and withdrawal. Its day 9 today and theres showing signs of improvement, like always, but you can never be too sure.
 
well i became addicted to ecstasy back in 04 and about a year into my addiction i got my (now) wife into the lifestyle. we rode the train for 3 years (4 years total for me) and decided to get clean. it was a roller coaster that still affects us today with the long term effects, and its hard to deal with at times. but i think we are stronger for it.
 
I refuse to date anyone especially an addict because I'm an addict.
I would prob fall head over heals in love with an addict, just because they were one too, but just because I can relate to them from the bat doesn't mean I should date them.

And as bad as my life is w/out an addict in it other than me, I only see it getting worse to add 1 more to the equation. I also can't date nonaddicts because its selfish, and although I consider opiate addiction a medical illness I still consider it a voluntarily contracted one.

That to me basically equates being suicidal, and theres no way in hell I would ever wanna impose that shit on anyone... no matter how selfishly involved I felt I needed to get with them. Loving anyone at this point couldn't be anything other than selfish. Don't ask me why it just feels that way.
 
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