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Addicts and Dating...?

B

belfort

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 2, 2005
Messages
2,291
ive been wondering about this lately..ive met a few younger women that seem to have no ast drug experience beyond having a few beers on the weekends and they seem nice, social but my past 15 years has been a drug fueled ride..as with all of us addicts we have the typical problems PLUS the drug issues added on top which can make for a very difficult person to be around..im wondering is it fair to try and date women who have zero experience with addicts?they might try to understand where we are coming from but they wont be able to, its like a different world to them...yet ive talked to former addicts and i cant imagine having a serious relationship with them yet whats great is they truly understand how we tick so....it almost seems like a powderkeg waiting to explode as 2 addicts, 2 sets of big problems..i could see it going well IF both addicts are truly dedicated to sobriety but rarely do i see this happening..i would think in most cases u will get 2 people in different stages...

how has dating for you guys went?did you try online dating, meeting someone in NA(silly?) or just out and about..id like to hear all horror stories too if u care to share them!
 
I tend to date women who have non addictive personalities. Because me + them = disaster. Would be fun short term though..My only requirement is that she enjoys psychedelics and learning about herself. Met most of them either at a bar, party, or tinder/pof/okcupid.. Plenty of horror stories but I'm at work right now lol.
 
I've been using anything I can get my hands on but to my girlfriend, I'm just the stoner guy you know. It was like an opposites attract situation. We've had some difficulties because of my use but we work it out. I never try and force anything on her, I'll be twacked giving her a life lesson telling her don't take this route. She tried smoking weed I guess that's what she is sticking with which is cool because a year ago she was asking me to stop smoking weed etc. We had so many disagreements and arguments, but we're still making it. Although I'm an addict and quite dysfunctional, having someone like her to stop being a dumb ass is worth the hell we've been through. It might not be fair to her that I'm completely fucked up from all I've done, but nonetheless she says she's happy, and no matter what she loves me. Sometimes you just gotta run in to the right one. She knew exactly what I was doing and she didn't care but she wanted to help. Pros and cons, but it's a good feeling either way.
 
S3TH5150 said:
I've been using anything I can get my hands on but to my girlfriend, I'm just the stoner guy you know. It was like an opposites attract situation. We've had some difficulties because of my use but we work it out. I never try and force anything on her, I'll be twacked giving her a life lesson telling her don't take this route. She tried smoking weed I guess that's what she is sticking with which is cool because a year ago she was asking me to stop smoking weed etc. We had so many disagreements and arguments, but we're still making it. Although I'm an addict and quite dysfunctional, having someone like her to stop being a dumb ass is worth the hell we've been through. It might not be fair to her that I'm completely fucked up from all I've done, but nonetheless she says she's happy, and no matter what she loves me. Sometimes you just gotta run in to the right one. She knew exactly what I was doing and she didn't care but she wanted to help. Pros and cons, but it's a good feeling either way.
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thats what im somewhat afraid of, i dont want to get a nice girl and have her put up with my shit..lol..you are lucky u found one that is accepting and cares and tries to understand, very lucky!
 
If anything I have learned that it is a very poor choice to date people in your[/] support group(s), people you meet in treatment or anyone in early recovery (this all depends on the progess the potentual mate has made, but generally I would never date someone with less than a year clean ever again - some people wint have become stable by year 1, 2 or even 3, so you can see gow it may vary person to person).

Nothing wrong with dating someone you know through, lets dsay, NA, assuming they have some serious stability in their lives. But it is probably best not to actively date around in your support group. Think of it like dating around with your coworkers at the office. Generally that leads to serious drama and unhappiness for all involved.

In terms of dating people in recovery, who have achieved meaningful stability in their lives and are part of your support group community, it best to only date those you encounter or meet through activities outside the actual support group. Say you know a girl with serious clean time that is also in your support group, and you run into her at a baseball game or in class for school. That is a much better potential date than just someone you connect with only in terms of the support group gathering together. Like in terms of shared interests outside just recovery stuff.

Not sure I am expressing myself well here, but you get the point, hopefully. And at the end of the day, the best advice I can think of would be to not limit your potential dates to only people in recovery. Generally speaking, as long as you have your shit together and arent too desperate or codependent, dating someone outside the recovery community who isnt an addict is going to provide with slightly less of a chance of bullshit ans drama.
 
^^^^sound advice. If you do date someone in recovery you have to be very willing to say goodbye if you, or her relapsed out of mutual respect for each other. A slip is different than relapse. Slip is not bad, it just shows you got something to work on...relapse is different. It is like a resurgence of active use.
 
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I like to date "experimenters" but not addicts (i.e. women with an open mind & some experience with drug use, but who didn't go overboard with it like I did)

Not interested in someone who is vehemently anti-drug use but also not interested in someone who's a full-blown drug addict, either.
 
Burnt Offerings said:
I like to date "experimenters" but not addicts (i.e. women with an open mind & some experience with drug use, but who didn't go overboard with it like I did)

Not interested in someone who is vehemently anti-drug use but also not interested in someone who's a full-blown drug addict, either.
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So very fucking true. This is a requirement for me.
 
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