Ok, after typing all this I realise its long, maybe I tend to rant, so if you aren't bored, you might want to find something more interesting to read! (lol) But if you are sitting on BL bored, reading for hours, passin' time, then go on:
I have some kind of anxiety problem, somewhat "social anxiety", but also I am a daydreamer, "inattentive" ADD traits, generally an introverted person, lacking motivation (although i'm a lot better than when i was a kid/teen).
About a year and a half ago, I go see this general doctor, and mentioned klonopin, he immediately stopped me (remember now, the "doctors" went through all that school, they MUST know more than every patient). Anyway, out the door I was with a 10mg paxil script. Tried it out for 1 1/2 months, it seemed to make me even more un-motivated, "numb" emotions, maybe even added some depression i really don't have. I stopped that cold turkey (thinking, hell its only 10mg) and had the common withdrawl effects for about a month afterward (at first, very sad feeling, that went away but i kept getting those 'brain shocks' which i've read about with paxil withdrawl).
I seem to think most of my "problem" has to do with gaba, and the dopamine/noradrenalin systems. I found out about the wonderful overseas pharmacies , which had every benzo you can want for SO cheap. I ordered a shit-load, and it didn't cost me much at all. Long story short, I find clonazepam (klonopin) to be the BEST for anxiety, compared to xanax, ativan, etc. Hundreds of 2mg pills at my disposal, I began taking them daily, eventually reaching a "plateau" of about 4mg/day (sometimes the occasional 6mg). At this "plateau", daily taking level, all the side effects that were there at first (made my balance "off") went away, but they still continued to work incredibly well for anxiety.
Then I went to a doctor (psychiatrist out of the yellow pages), and he happenes to be stupid as fuck. I followed the bluelight post on "how to fake ADD" (rather, i definitely think i have the traits for the mostly "inattentive" type, but this post helped me..to not look like i'm trying to get a stim for "fun"). So I filled out the forms "correctly", answering No to all questions related to family members drug use, my own, etc. Of course I threw in "only drink occasionally, once or twice a month" for the alcohol questions (which is true, but i wasn't going to put down "i dont drink at all, me being 21 at the time). To make a long story short, i'm now on Adderall, total of 30mg/day. I find this really helps a LOT, with concentration problems, too much "introvertedness", focus, school, blah blah. It maybe even seems to help anxiety very little (i think only while the drug is "coming up").
But I find the Klonopin + Adderall, to be...the ultimate cure. I can still eat on Adderall, and the two drugs seem to counteract the side effects of both. I have motivation, focus, no anxiety, etc.
Now my problem... I've weaned off the klonopin slowly, so only taking a 2mg dose 2 or 3 times a week (sometimes not once in a week). This is because, the really really cheap overseas suppliers, are "gone". I still have a HUGE stash of benzo's, so there's no worry about running out anytime soon. My problem, is how to get a doctor, to prescribe exactly what works..
I have one thing going for me, I have a doctor that has already prescribed me 30mg/day of Adderall (and he's dumb, doesn't even remember what scrips he writes me, i just tell him) and i can probably get the dose up to around 15mg 3x/day (total 45mg). I won't need all this..but i like to have a little extra
and not have to worry about missing a few days at the end of the month (also i'd like to be able to give a few here and there to friends).
Also, my insurance plan might change to an HMO, which means I might have to find a new doctor anyway.
Now what would be better:
1) Go to a new doctor, tell him I was taking Adderall (at the dose I was at with the other doc), but be truthful and tell him I had been taking klonopin from overseas pharm's but was afraid to tell the previous doctor about it, afraid of loosing all the benefits i get from Adderall. I would also explain how I have tried the SSRI's with horrible results, and from much research, believe my "problem" is related to gaba/dopamine/etc. Tell him that i've been taking klonopin at 3-4mg average/day, along with the Adderall, and i've been great blah blah. Also mention that I know all about benzo dependency, and so I have a "supply" to wean off of if i had to. That I wish to stay on my current medication, at least Adderall, and "i'll understand" if you want to start lower with the klonopin. Basically, I found what works, and i'd like to stick with it.
2) Tell my current "dumb" doctor about my using klonopin, and probably fuck up the trust I have with him now. (probably bad idea!!)
3) Suggest to my current doctor, that I'd like to try adding klonopin to the Adderall, and explain my anxiety. I was the one telling HIM what dosages are available for Adderall, and I tell him all the time how much research I do mainly on the internet. He seems cool with me, I was on ritalin first (waiting, to build up trust), and finally i just asked for Adderall ("i've been reading on the internet blah blah"), out the door I go with an Adderall script after my usual 5 minute appointment. I did not put that I had anxiety on the original sheet i filled out, or ever talked about it with him. I'm just afraid he would get suspiscious, because I want two "abusable" drugs. If I had mentioned it from the start, maybe I would have had both scrips..who knows. This doctor IS absent-minded though, when i need a refill, he says "What are you taking? What dose?" and often forgets the dosages, he even said "So how long have you been taking adderall?" when he had me on ritalin! My appointments are no more than 5 minutes, and he writes whatever script (never saw him keep track somewhere else), always adds with a smile "now don't give any of these to your friends" and i'm out the door.
4) Go to a new doctor, say I was taking the Adderall (if he/she needs proof, I have the other doctor to vouch), and i'd like to continue that, but mention I have anxiety and have tried the SSRI's with horrible effects, and would like to give Klonopin a try along with the Adderall (add that i do tons of research, blah blah).
Right now I think 4 would be best, 3 second.. discard 2 and 1... But 4 would only be good, if i happen to get another cool/dumb doc, that isn't afraid to write up that controlled substance script(s) and get me out the door in 5 mins so he/she can make more money on the next patient..
Hmm.. on second thought, maybe 3 would be best..ahh..dealing with these legal drug dealers (psychiatrists), what a pain up my ass!!!! Choices choices... Any idea's anyone??
I have some kind of anxiety problem, somewhat "social anxiety", but also I am a daydreamer, "inattentive" ADD traits, generally an introverted person, lacking motivation (although i'm a lot better than when i was a kid/teen).
About a year and a half ago, I go see this general doctor, and mentioned klonopin, he immediately stopped me (remember now, the "doctors" went through all that school, they MUST know more than every patient). Anyway, out the door I was with a 10mg paxil script. Tried it out for 1 1/2 months, it seemed to make me even more un-motivated, "numb" emotions, maybe even added some depression i really don't have. I stopped that cold turkey (thinking, hell its only 10mg) and had the common withdrawl effects for about a month afterward (at first, very sad feeling, that went away but i kept getting those 'brain shocks' which i've read about with paxil withdrawl).
I seem to think most of my "problem" has to do with gaba, and the dopamine/noradrenalin systems. I found out about the wonderful overseas pharmacies , which had every benzo you can want for SO cheap. I ordered a shit-load, and it didn't cost me much at all. Long story short, I find clonazepam (klonopin) to be the BEST for anxiety, compared to xanax, ativan, etc. Hundreds of 2mg pills at my disposal, I began taking them daily, eventually reaching a "plateau" of about 4mg/day (sometimes the occasional 6mg). At this "plateau", daily taking level, all the side effects that were there at first (made my balance "off") went away, but they still continued to work incredibly well for anxiety.
Then I went to a doctor (psychiatrist out of the yellow pages), and he happenes to be stupid as fuck. I followed the bluelight post on "how to fake ADD" (rather, i definitely think i have the traits for the mostly "inattentive" type, but this post helped me..to not look like i'm trying to get a stim for "fun"). So I filled out the forms "correctly", answering No to all questions related to family members drug use, my own, etc. Of course I threw in "only drink occasionally, once or twice a month" for the alcohol questions (which is true, but i wasn't going to put down "i dont drink at all, me being 21 at the time). To make a long story short, i'm now on Adderall, total of 30mg/day. I find this really helps a LOT, with concentration problems, too much "introvertedness", focus, school, blah blah. It maybe even seems to help anxiety very little (i think only while the drug is "coming up").
But I find the Klonopin + Adderall, to be...the ultimate cure. I can still eat on Adderall, and the two drugs seem to counteract the side effects of both. I have motivation, focus, no anxiety, etc.
Now my problem... I've weaned off the klonopin slowly, so only taking a 2mg dose 2 or 3 times a week (sometimes not once in a week). This is because, the really really cheap overseas suppliers, are "gone". I still have a HUGE stash of benzo's, so there's no worry about running out anytime soon. My problem, is how to get a doctor, to prescribe exactly what works..
I have one thing going for me, I have a doctor that has already prescribed me 30mg/day of Adderall (and he's dumb, doesn't even remember what scrips he writes me, i just tell him) and i can probably get the dose up to around 15mg 3x/day (total 45mg). I won't need all this..but i like to have a little extra
and not have to worry about missing a few days at the end of the month (also i'd like to be able to give a few here and there to friends).Also, my insurance plan might change to an HMO, which means I might have to find a new doctor anyway.
Now what would be better:
1) Go to a new doctor, tell him I was taking Adderall (at the dose I was at with the other doc), but be truthful and tell him I had been taking klonopin from overseas pharm's but was afraid to tell the previous doctor about it, afraid of loosing all the benefits i get from Adderall. I would also explain how I have tried the SSRI's with horrible results, and from much research, believe my "problem" is related to gaba/dopamine/etc. Tell him that i've been taking klonopin at 3-4mg average/day, along with the Adderall, and i've been great blah blah. Also mention that I know all about benzo dependency, and so I have a "supply" to wean off of if i had to. That I wish to stay on my current medication, at least Adderall, and "i'll understand" if you want to start lower with the klonopin. Basically, I found what works, and i'd like to stick with it.
2) Tell my current "dumb" doctor about my using klonopin, and probably fuck up the trust I have with him now. (probably bad idea!!)
3) Suggest to my current doctor, that I'd like to try adding klonopin to the Adderall, and explain my anxiety. I was the one telling HIM what dosages are available for Adderall, and I tell him all the time how much research I do mainly on the internet. He seems cool with me, I was on ritalin first (waiting, to build up trust), and finally i just asked for Adderall ("i've been reading on the internet blah blah"), out the door I go with an Adderall script after my usual 5 minute appointment. I did not put that I had anxiety on the original sheet i filled out, or ever talked about it with him. I'm just afraid he would get suspiscious, because I want two "abusable" drugs. If I had mentioned it from the start, maybe I would have had both scrips..who knows. This doctor IS absent-minded though, when i need a refill, he says "What are you taking? What dose?" and often forgets the dosages, he even said "So how long have you been taking adderall?" when he had me on ritalin! My appointments are no more than 5 minutes, and he writes whatever script (never saw him keep track somewhere else), always adds with a smile "now don't give any of these to your friends" and i'm out the door.
4) Go to a new doctor, say I was taking the Adderall (if he/she needs proof, I have the other doctor to vouch), and i'd like to continue that, but mention I have anxiety and have tried the SSRI's with horrible effects, and would like to give Klonopin a try along with the Adderall (add that i do tons of research, blah blah).
Right now I think 4 would be best, 3 second.. discard 2 and 1... But 4 would only be good, if i happen to get another cool/dumb doc, that isn't afraid to write up that controlled substance script(s) and get me out the door in 5 mins so he/she can make more money on the next patient..
Hmm.. on second thought, maybe 3 would be best..ahh..dealing with these legal drug dealers (psychiatrists), what a pain up my ass!!!! Choices choices... Any idea's anyone??
