Abused as a child? BL'ers have your say...

[spacefacethebassace]

I counted myself as sexually abused as a young boy (3-4), with a history of addiction. 12-alcoholic ; 14-pothead ; 15+ polydrug use/abuse, I keep coming back to opiates; it's fucked up, when I'm high all the time I wish I could just be sober and vice versa.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

I was abused physically and psychologically as a child/teenager and I currently do not have a drug habit now at all; but I have in the past.

 

[Ungoliath]

A for me, multiple times, daily.....All i dreamed of was the one day I could take my dad out......When I was 14, after working out every day atleast 4 hours and taking a martial arts class (Free for low-income familly children, muay koshashon) I threw a right across and knocked his old ass out (He was raging because I finished the milk)

After that I went into the drugs to numb the feelings.....

Severity, i ended up in the hospital for "falling down the stairs" "slipping out the 2nd floor window" "Falling out of a high tree" "Hit and run" etc...

Fuck.

 

[swilow]

^Sounds like a right prick. I'm glad you got out...

 

[Ungoliath]

He was an alcoholic pill-pig No joke we'd all be sitting around eating supper and he'd pull out a rig.

 

[xpensivtaste]

i am female and 21 years of age.
i have gone hrough all different types of abuse whilst growing up.
i grew up in a household with an abusive father, a submissive mother and when my mother would no longer take the abuse my father made sure that someone did. i was the one who got beat up from then on.
eventually we moved away.
when i was a little older i was sexually abused by a teenage boy. it wasn't until i was some years older that i realized i had been violated and never told anyone about it until over a year ago.
i was mentally abused by an ex partner. he never hit me but the abuse cut me much more deep and messed me up to the point i lost all my self respect and felt as though life wasnt worth living.
i did devolop a drug habit (smoking -> alcohol -> weed -> E'S -> coke)
i took drugs to escape from the memories that haunt me and the problems that were making my life hell at the time. i did help but you cant stay high forever. i have never dealt with my problems properly.


i kicked most habits by myself and only smoke and drink (weekly) since recently.

 

[sufferingwife3]

Mental, physical, emotional, you name it. I smoke cigarettes and tried a variety of drugs in the past. Never was hooked. Not a drug addict. I don't think being addicted to cigarettes and being addicteds to a drug like herione or something the same thing. I've never met someone who's life was ruined and they are destitute because of cigarettes. Non drinker, non addict. I selected C.

 

[XxParadoxX]

Very interesting topic. I am pleasantly surprised.

<------- I am a female, and I was not at all abused when I was a child, or even now in my mid 20's. I am a functioning heroin addict going on 3 years.

My theory on why I DO have a habit, is curiosity that is slowly killing the cat. Naivety- I didn't think I would become addicted, but I did, and I like it. I like the secretive lifestyle, and I like making mistakes sometimes. It makes me feel more alive. Higher highs and lower lows.

 

[pkt]

I was not abused, come out of a good home with parents that loved me, i had a hard time growin up though and i got addicted at a very young age.

 

[phactor]

^often that is part of the cycles of abuse
i found with my dad (and ill give him credit cos he had undiagnosed bipolar and had an abusive upbringing and alcohol/drug problems wen i was a kid) u never knew wat sorta mood hed b in - he was unpredictable
one minute hed b throwing things round, threatening to lock u in the garage, telling u ur stupid and worthless and smashing the shit outta u, the next hed b hugging u and saying 'whos my gorgeous girl?', etc
hed never apologise, and hed just expect u to b in the same mood he was in - he hated to see fear or tears - both enraged him
it was that unpredictability i hated the most
mum described it as 'walking on eggshells'

Wow that makes alot of sense. Thanks.

I def. know the walking on eggshells feeling.

Honestly, I think I may be in denial. I've had a few therapists tell me the same thing drug_wench told me. Fuck it though, I'm not in the position to even begin dealing with that right now.

One of the worst things my mom did was this:

She found out I was using opiates again. Told me she'd kick me to the curb if she found out I was using again (well within her right of course). Then she came in my room and stuck a bottle full of Vikes in my room and told me "I counted them". I was fucking pacing around the room for hours. I didn't take any though, I wanted nothing more in life at that moment but to prove her wrong.

 

[Dragynfyr]

Knowing what I know now about my dad, I think it's pretty safe to say that I got the shit kicked out of me most when his stash was lowest.

 

[MR Candyslut]

I am not sure if it is OT or not, but is it possible to think you might have been abused but simply don't remember anything in particular?

I don't really want to get into details but there are certain key things/thought processes/phobias that have often made me think about childhood abuse. At the same time, it could just be other events that have had a similar consequence.

I really don't want it to sound like i am searching for some deep seated problems, but I have been curious about this for quite some time.

edit: ok so in hindsight it is OT but i don't want to delete because i really want the question answered! Sorry mod people.

 

[swilow]

I am not sure if it is OT or not, but is it possible to think you might have been abused but simply don't remember anything in particular?

It is indeed possible. This will sound unlikely; but I have a female friend who was about 17, watching an Oprah special on childhood sexual abuse- and she suddenly remebered her own abuse. Her older sister had also experienced the same treatment as was figured out after a lot of heartache, so I don't think it was an invented memory. That said; I know of an older woman who basically inisst thats her father abused her constantly throughout her childhood, though her siblings are positive it couldn't have occurred with various semi ironclad reasons why; and she only remembered after being hypnotised. Its my opinion that her memory is fictional

My own memories are sketchy; but the feelings associated with them are pretty undeniable, and the course my life and health has taken is almost cliched of someone used like that. It annoys me, as everyone close to me blames my psychologiacal 'issues' on drugs and tries to glos over the past, which has been damn grim at times. I have agoraphobia and claustrophobia- though fuck those sort of meaningless titles; and don't especially like physical contact. Its a pity because I've dug a very deep hole that I think I might just keep on digging, but I really can't figure out a way to fix the past as such except to bash my head in or die.

 

[miasma]

It is indeed possible. This will sound unlikely; but I have a female friend who was about 17, watching an Oprah special on childhood sexual abuse- and she suddenly remebered her own abuse.

Sounds very plausible to me. Seems like the mind seeks to protect the integrity of the individual and screens off painful memories that it cannot deal with at the time. Then one day when it looks like you can handle it, all kinds of childhood memories start breaking into consciousness and you've got to deal with them as best you can.

I come from a place where few people escaped childhood unscathed.

 

[psychedelic nod]

my childhood was pretty goos, upper middle class family, though my dad did have some pretty significant anger management problems but it was nothing serious, just yelling whcih did stress me out alot but its nothing compared to stories of physical abuse i hear
i dont have a drug habit but i do use several drugs (heroin,cocaine,weed,oxy,xanax,cigarettes,alcohol) pretty often (like more than once a week

i think that theres no real correlation, though it does sound pretty good on paper

 

[swilow]

^In my mind, theres a correlation.

 

[B9]

Personally, I'd class it as a combination of the latter two... only the individual could say for sure. In my case I'm all for some sort of corporal punishment, however repeated violent incidents from an early age almost made me 'immune'.(a knockout blow to the nose at age 10/11 from a fully grown bloke isn't a slap across the backside)

Regardless of how clichéd this sounds, I do believe I was able to become more at peace with my inner self thanks to psychedelic use. And to you LSD-25, I raise my glass!

Although I have thought of the idea of escapism through drug use, I feel it has no place; your mind holds the key to your welfare - not the past, present or future, only your thoughts.

however repeated violent incidents from an early age almost made me 'immune'

Snap

.(a knockout blow to the nose at age 10/11 from a fully grown bloke isn't a slap across the backside)

Snap - it must be cultural

And to you LSD-25, I raise my glass!

Snap


Anyway I relented & read the criteria - I voted A

 

[TheodoreRoosevelt]

I was raised in a good family. However my mother and I did not get along at all during my teenage years, and we still don't really get along although just last week we have attempted to begin fixing things.

I don't know where it will go, and I have chipped at being a recreational IV heroin user for the last 5 years and still do.

I don't want to say I was abused since it would belittle other's experiences, and I was definitely raised in a loving home and loving family in a nice area. Me and my mother had a few rough spots, and I know she was exceptionally rougher to me and meaner to me than most parents out there, but I think I was old enough for it not to be abuse anymore and simply two people hating each other's guts.

I don't see it as much as family or child abuse so much as that stranger doesn't like me. She wasn't a mother to me...

I will pick B, because I definitely had times where I just picked up the needle after a tough fight...

 

[drug_wench]

^ur not belittling anyones experiences theordore
my experiences with dad r probly pretty minor compared to others
but wat feels like abuse is abuse really - in ur mind anyway!
glad ur making up wiv ur mum tho - its a sign of a mature guy

 

[TheodoreRoosevelt]

Maybe not so much belittle other people's experiences, but I think it would belittle what my father has done for me growing up. To say I was abused as a child would say my dad didn't do enough, and he was and still is everything to me. We're real close, we don't talk to eachother about drug use or anything like that, we still know the boundaries of father/son, but we're so close we hang out and chill and all my friends actually expect to hang out with my dad and me, not just me.

I was in a loving home, and my dad has always been there for me. To say I lived in a bad home would be outright wrong.

So me and my mom had a lot of arguments and cops and drama. I don't really look at it any differently than say, the drama you may have with a tough kid at school. Looking to change that though.