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AA/NA Discussion Mega Thread (merged)

JennaHermosaCA

JennaHermosaCA

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 18, 2009
Messages
78
Location
Now in Detroit, Michigan covering the film industr
I seriously started in this program for the first time in years. I feel like I am finally getting it. It took a bad bottom to get me there, but I am there.

I did notice though, that you really have to weave your way through the idiots and assholes quite a lot. There are plenty of men that want to fuck you. It's sick. Especially when you are so new and scared. There are also women that like to talk A LOT of shit behind people's backs. These people are NOT WORKING THE AA program. There are scores of them. I found out that my temporary sponsor was telling my business to everyone at our "table" behind my back. VERY PERSONAL THINGS!! I should have known this when a woman got up from our lunch table and she talked nothing but shit about her. I realized I was a part of some sick ass clique and got out of it.

I go to lots of meetings all over. I want to find a sponsor that actually works the program as Bill W. and Dr. Bob intended it to be. When I get caught up in the crap going on, I just open my Big Book, because it's all there.

I was just wondering what other people's experiences have been in recovery groups. Have you experienced some of the same? The way I look at it. ITS MY ASS IM SAVING. I don't care how anyone else works their program really, I just don't want them around me. In the past, I have let this affect me and I ended up saying "Screw AA." I cannot afford to let this happen this time. My life is everything to me. I want a better life. I want to stay alive. I want to live the life I always wanted. Not the misery and shit I went through for eight years.
 
i went to NA after i went to rehab and it wasn't for me maybe its that area your in people care more about gossip to get there mind off there own shit life don't get mad at them just laugh at how pathetic they are (not saying you shouldn't be mad but try not to overwork yourself) i stopped going because it's too much of religion and feels like another cult to me just find a good friend to talk to or therapy if you can afford it alot of people on BL have reccomended it to me when i posted a bit on here ago and maybe it can help you. other than that i don't know what to say it's either a close friend or therapy or try on your own and MAKE SURE THAT YOU DON'T TALK TO YOUR USING FRIENDS IF YOUR TRYING TO GET CLEAN AND YOU HAVEN'T BEEN FOR MORE THAN 2 YEARS thats what made me relapse was friends now i got alot worse then how i was trust me its better to just say no i know getting high is great but i am trying to sober up again and so far 2 days clean not alot but you gotta do it the way you know is right for you. my girlfriend is in a mental institution for trying to kill herself because of her abusive father and it showed me that i could have lost the only thing that kept me alive through my drug use and now i've decided to get clean to better our relationship so that i don't die on her i've come close to many times. i just got back from visiting her a little bit ago and get this i'm 16 but as you can tell i know more than most people my age depending on my mood but if you wanna vent or talk to me or anyone on bluelight send me a private message and ill give you my email no one on bluelight would pull this shit we've been through what you have and we understand.

Sonix
 
AA/NA helped me get through the first few crucial months of sobriety, but after awhile I couldn't take it anymore; all that drama you spoke of was ENDLESS, and I wanted absolutely nothing more to do with it.

It's like watching that TV show "Celebrity Rehab: Sober Living" (I was actually in rehab at Las Encinas with a lot of those people, including being a patient of Dr. Drew's, but I digress...), that show is the epitome of addict drama. It's disgusting, really.

The overall hypocrisy of the coffee guzzling, chain smoking, constant shit talking "clean" folk really got to me after awhile.

The idea of AA/NA, like a lot of things, looks great on paper but falls short of being successful when put into practice.

Sorta like communism ;)

Hey, at the end of the day if it works for you, then by all means keep at it!
 
I stopped going to meetings for a lot of the reasons you mentioned, but as you said, it is your program, work it the way that works for you.

My former sponsor always said to me that 99% of what you hear at meetings is complete unadulterated bullshit. The other 1% is what keeps you sober.

I kept that 1% with me and it has helped a lot, I just couldn't handle filtering through the other 99% all the time.

Yes there are plenty of men that want to fuck you, they are called 13th steppers. Eventually when you meet some good people in the program who have been there a while, they can help let you know who to stay away from.

Your temporary sponsor sounds like someone who should be banned from the program, that's horrible.

I completely understand how you feel. I don't think I will ever say "Screw AA" like I did after my first few meetings, but I just eventually realized that it simply didn't work for me. I don't think that makes it a bad program though, it has helped so many people conquer some very big obstacles in their life.

Just filter through the bullshit and find the people that can really help you. You are already realizing that a big part of AA is finding the meetings that work for YOU. Keep it up ;-)

I haven't been to a meeting in a very long time but I do know that if my life ever gets as horrible as it was before, I know a meeting I can go to that will at least be somewhat helpful. I also still have my former sponsor to talk to if I ever need to, and that is an indispensable resource. It took me dozens and dozens of different meetings and talking to hundreds of complete morons to find these though.
 
JennaHermosaCA said:
I seriously started in this program for the first time in years. I feel like I am finally getting it. It took a bad bottom to get me there, but I am there.

I did notice though, that you really have to weave your way through the idiots and assholes quite a lot. There are plenty of men that want to fuck you. It's sick. Especially when you are so new and scared. There are also women that like to talk A LOT of shit behind people's backs. These people are NOT WORKING THE AA program. There are scores of them. I found out that my temporary sponsor was telling my business to everyone at our "table" behind my back. VERY PERSONAL THINGS!! I should have known this when a woman got up from our lunch table and she talked nothing but shit about her. I realized I was a part of some sick ass clique and got out of it.

I go to lots of meetings all over. I want to find a sponsor that actually works the program as Bill W. and Dr. Bob intended it to be. When I get caught up in the crap going on, I just open my Big Book, because it's all there.

I was just wondering what other people's experiences have been in recovery groups. Have you experienced some of the same? The way I look at it. ITS MY ASS IM SAVING. I don't care how anyone else works their program really, I just don't want them around me. In the past, I have let this affect me and I ended up saying "Screw AA." I cannot afford to let this happen this time. My life is everything to me. I want a better life. I want to stay alive. I want to live the life I always wanted. Not the misery and shit I went through for eight years.
Click to expand...


I'm a member of AA up here in Northern Nevada(Reno to be exact). Started going court ordered back in September when I got my 2nd DUI. I'm 21 years old and definitely an alcholic, and have tried to quit several times by myself to no avail. This program really is working for ME, but the same way that it works for me, wouldn't necessarily be the same for somebody else. Its what you make of it.

A lot of the times I just show up. I'm not overly excited to be there, but when the meetings over, I'm glad I went. I just picked up a sponsor about a month ago, and he's a REALLY great guy. He's funny, hyper, ADHD etc like me! He's been sober since 1987, and is still an active member in the program. I was actually recommended him by my DUI counsler. I had been nervous about just asking some random person to be my sponsor, so I'm really greatful for the hookup.

Now, my suggestion/advice to you, would be to first off find a meeting that you feel most comfortable at. Then once you get comfortable there, look for another meeting that you feel good at. Don't just stick with one place, gets old quick. Also, just show up. Bring your body, and let your mind do the rest. Listen as well. LISTEN WELL. When I first started, OMG I thought these fucking people were nuts! I hated everybody that was apart of AA, I really did. I thought they were just a cult that co-hersed people into doing things there way. The sad thing is, is that there are those assholes/creeps/bitches in AA. Just like ANY gathering, especially with a bunch of Alcholic addicts, you are for sure going to run into crazy motherfuckers. But hey, people like that need help too, besides, who are we to judge them?

Sooner or later, you're going to hear somebody share/meet somebody that you just click with. Because there are SO many people in AA that are truly doing it for the right reasons. Now, I would be lying if I said that I didn't scope out the good looking girls at the meetings, because damnit I do. However, when I'm at AA, I'm there for one reason. To stay sober. Anything else that comes after that, is a result of not drinking, one day at a time. :)

Hopefully this helps out a little bit, and if you had any further questions, or just wanted to chat, PM me. <3
 
i never had any experiences like that in aa/na, i lived with my sponsor for 5-6 months, this was in austin. there were plenty of groups, 24/7, each was a bit different, some very different.

you should be able to find dozens of meetings in LA.

thats disgusting of your sponsor, sounds like a real louse. as AgentSquish said hit up different meetings, youll find one that fits you.
 
^

i have been to plenty of meetings and i never heard of someones sponsor sharing details about their ,um, sponsory life before. that would be one of the last things id worry about.

dont let that discourage you if you feel NA would help.
 
We have some pretty controlling meetings in my city, where they'll actually tell people they need to get a haircut and start wearing a tie. There are some others that are like religious revivals and one that is definitely a personality cult (a speaker's meeting with the same speaker everytime, meeting named after said speaker). But these sorts of meetings that would be problematic for me are probably less than 5% of the meetings. Don't judge AA/NA based on a few meetings. They vary a lot.

I think its important to find meetings that suits ones own style. There are anti-AA pundits that often say that AA is no more effective than doing nothing at all, and AA attendees have far worse binges upon relapse. I don't know that to be true but it does lead into my 2nd piece of 12 step advice. There is a lot of prophecy of doom at meetings about if you ever leave AA. I think being aware of what you want in sobriety, while taking advantage of the support available is likely much more a part of how AA helps people when it does help. It probably varies by person, but I think that for many people the gloom and doom, fire and brimstone type of meeting or 12 step member might be best to avoid.
 
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Thank you everyone

Thanks for all the advice. You are all right in one way or another. It is what you make of it. I liked the quote 99 percent is pure unadulterated bullshit and 1 percent is real recovery. That's good. It's great that you hold on to that. You know, only 3 percent actually make it through this disease alive. That's a terrifying thought! I want to be part of that 3 percent. I have to be!!

I just try to keep in mind what the program was created for. To save lives and better lives. There is no way in hell I would give up on AA or NA at this point in my life. I have learned numerous times that unless you work a program, you will most likely end up back using, dead, in rehab again, or in jail. I'm so sick of that life. So sick of it, that no matter what anyone says or does to me, I will walk away and like many said, find another meeting. Find another sponsor. Keep trying. Because this disease is cunning, baffling, and powerful. It really is. Sorry for all the AA jargon, but that shit is for real. When you least expect it, you could be fucked up all over again, asking how the hell did this happen? IF you have the chance to even ask it.

There ARE good meetings. I have been to them. I guess I was just venting about that one meeting and group of women, because they were the first ones I met when I was going through some real hell. I was ready to stop. They let me down. But who gives a shit. That one meeting started this whole journey I have been on. It's so simple. You just don't go back to that meeting. Basically I answered my own question. It seems like addicts like us want to make everything more complicated than it is. A lot of that comes from being hurt so many times in our addiction. We are sensitive.

I go EVERYDAY sometimes twice a day. I never did that before. Never read my BB. Never said the Serenity Prayer, never prayed to my HP.

You don't have to be friends with everyone, and many people will piss you off, disgust you, try to control you, what have you. The point is how you handle it that counts. This is how I know I am serious, because for the first time I am pretty much the only person I give a shit about right now. I have to be that way for now. That's what they mean when they say it's a "selfish" program. Selfish in the sense that you cannot afford to let other people's crap get in the way of your recovery. Especially when you are so vunerable.

Thanks to everyone. And PM me anytime. :)
 
I am a member of NA. It's the only thing that has ever helped me. I've been to 10 different rehabs, some as long as 6 months before I turned 20 years old. I had a major Crack problem that I tried to fix by switching to shooting dope...somehow that made sense to me at the time. After my last rehab they took us to NA meetings and I remember the love people showed me there and hugged me and told me that they would love me until I could learn to love myself. Once i got out I made the homegroup that I was most comfortable with, and got a sponsor. Later on I started working steps and held a service position. So far I'm only 7 months clean, but I've never been 7 months without drugs since before I was 10 years old. I hope that you find a few meetings and people that you can get close to and not have to get caught up in all the bullshit that can come along wherever you have a bunch of addicts gathered together.
 
There are definitely assholes that need to be weeded out. People in NA and AA are human, so the percentage of assholes in the program are equivalent to those outside.

There are good people to though.

Keep going to different fellowships and find one that fits you. Find one that isn't like a clique-y in-group when new people come in. Only talk to the people who you can tell are WORKING a program, not just talking the talk.
 
I was lucky enough to find a great sponsor and many AAs who helped me to get sober when I was unable to do it on my own. There are lots of meetings in my area, so I was able to hook up with people who represent what AA is truly all about. Now I do what I can to help others. Like you said, there are lots of phonies in AA and you have to put in lots of effort for the program to really work for you. But nothing worthwhile ever comes easy. I wish you all the best!
 
Been going to NA for 6 years strong.. Alot of stupid people, assholes, arrogant fucks and the like. The majority of people in NA in my area are there for coke or E, In our group of 12 only me and 1 other guy who rarely shows up are there for opiates.


Can't wait till I get off probation so I can stop going to the sessions, they don't help, they're just a thorn in my side.
 
I've met some good friends in AA. Actually 2 legit friends and a host of dime-a-dozen aquaintances - that's keeping it real. This is good because I have to remain sober due to my legal situation. They've shown me ways of coping with the realities of life and have offered me perspectives that allow me to control anxiety without drugs. This is extremely useful stuff for anyone to know - sober, addicted, or neither! Do I really subscribe to the entire program in the traditional sense? No - at least not as many in AA interpret it. I'm not a sheep. I'm not a follower. I don't believe that "total psychic change" is safe, practical, or effective when it occurs too rapidly. It may occur gradually over many years, but I do not think that those who go through the steps in less than 6 months and go out of their way to talk the talk are on the right path. For me, there is the risk of an unpredictale backlash if I try to effect change of any kind too rapidly. The ego exists for a reason and killing it is rarely permanent as many of us have found out from using psychedelics. The ego can be sculped and massaged, but not deleted and replaced. I also don't need to replace a mental obsession with drugs with a mental obession with AA as some have. I avoid the obsessive types. I get along with my sponsor because he lives a very normal life for an AA. He's not trying to change the world. He doesn't preach or prostlytize. He doesn't get involved in the drama or politics. He just hasn't shot dope, snorted coke, smoked weed, or drank in 17 years. He's real, and he's someone my parents' age who I can actually learn something from - unlike my parents who are both foolish people who I would do well NOT to emulate. I appreciate the mentorship.

As for the people who are having problems with cliques, I avoid cliques. Try to start by finding a few people with at least 10 years who you feel comfortable with. One of them might make a good sponsor. Then find out who they hang out with and who they sponsor. Most importantly, get in touch with your sponsor's other sponsee's. This is one approach to developing a good recovery network, as opposed to a social clique that can work against some of AA's conventional wisdom and hurt your chances of success.
 
If I got to NA and say I'm using will they ask me to leave?

And if someone can tell I'm high will they ask me to leave?
 
mrs_mia_wallace said:
If I got to NA and say I'm using will they ask me to leave?

And if someone can tell I'm high will they ask me to leave?
Click to expand...
The answer most NA people would give is that the only requirement for membership is a desire to get clean. I think the majority of meetings you would only be asked to leave if you were a serious disruption. Meetings vary a great deal so I don't want to over generalize, my best guess is that you wouldn't ordinarily be asked to leave. But I've been to fewer than twenty NA meetings, haven't been to one in years and all the ones I went to were in a single region.
 
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