a suicide in seven notes

[spinkle]

a suicide in seven notes

maybe it's a message
maybe it's in code
maybe meaning is a
suicide in seven notes
the longer lines unwind to find
time past impatience waiting
you swear there's evidence for the story
and its version you're debating

here have an argument with undisputed fact
maybe critique what you refuse to leave intact
the summarized analysis
will leave too much missed
what use are precursors
when you've lost the catalyst

so if there's gonna be a breakdown
please break over the paper
and be a warning for the
wonder when they wake her

(who wants the prodigy
to suffer when she
comes to failure later?)

bring the blessed bring
the brightest bring
the broken if they play
they're taught their own perfection
by the time they're underway
and starting out from well behind naive
so shy you may as well become diseased

you're prettier in the past
reduced to two dimensions
disciplined to not fit in
despite your positive intentions

maybe it's a secret
in a tongue that's yours alone
maybe meaning is
a suicide in seven notes

spinkle 2005

 

[mealltach]

oh my god.

you're unreal.

 

[RareForm]

you're prettier in the past
and when reduced to two dimensions
probably bound to disappear
despite your positive intentions

this was superb, dude, you really are an impeccable writer.

 

[spinkle]

thanks guys =) this dropped out pretty fast. hooray for automatic writing.

 

[frostyangel]

Your still one of my favorites, hottie

xoxo

 

[RareForm]

yea hottie wait, no.

*clears throat*
*talks lower* do you have music to this?

 

[spinkle]

frosty you have to get your buns out of the boondocks and hit up philly soon

*whispers to rareform* not yet dawg, but i have about six incomplete songs begging for lyrics so tomorrow will be mix and match day...been a productive couple weeks...

 

[RareForm]

that's awesome, i'd love to hear some more of your stuff, seriously, i loved the one that you posted on here

 

[spinkle]

check your pm's rareform =)

 

[FiatFlux]

this sounds like a slam poem to me, it's got so much beat to it - clever juxtaposition of words and "meanings" as well. nice one, would love to hear more of your work.

 

[L O V E L I F E]

Fantastic overall, particularly the section RareForm highlighted.

Peace, nigga.

 

[spinkle]

bump due to major revisions. msbehave, please take the [uncredited] rough draft you have posted in your journal down.

 

[PurrrinInOk]

Loved it

 

[potato]

bump.

This is possibly the best rhyming poetry i've read in this forum.

 

[Negative]

very nice dude.

 

[Free Radical]

bring the blessed bring
the brightest bring
the broken if they play
they're taught their own perfection

impressive. i really felt that part to the exclusion of the rest.

reminds me of this lyric by Ry Cooder:

"God will love you if you just play ball!"

 

[spinkle]

thanks for the bump and the comments, y'all =)

 

[plazma]

Definitely one of the more impressive pieces I've read in my years reading this forum. Excellent work.

-plaz out-

 

[JerseyGirl]

where in philly, I'd love to hear a musical version of this....