a question for the guys...

[lunchb0x]

Listen, there are a ton of lonely guys out there who are dying to meet a steady girlfriend. If you haven't met them there are a couple of reasons. One: the lonely guys tend to be the shy, retiring types or guys who just find it emotionally difficult to handle rejection. Two: the guys who are just looking for another conquest have fairly strong egos that can handle rejection and they are more likely to approach a woman, and have had some experience doing so. Three: you gals are attracted to the assholes.

This.

 

[graugeist]

... so guys? what do you think? how long are we supposed to tease you before we give it up?

I think the obvious: That every man and every situation between a woman and a man is unique; the amount of time both parties wish to wait before becoming intimate is entirely up to them. Communication between partners is paramount. Everyone is an individual with individual views on things. There is no catch-all answer for your question.

You should be talking to your partner about important issues such as this if you want the relationship to go anywhere and you want to be on the same page.

 

[Jblazingphoenix100]

OK - just my experience, but I don't care if a girl likes to have sex, I would never think she was a "slut" unless she indiscriminately has sex with every guy who says hi to her.

I like a bit of a wait to have sex with a girl I'm really into - leaves you time to get to know each other a little bit better, and (as is with my current woman, who I only just slept with) it also builds up anticipation if you both really wanna have sex but say to each other you're not going to - it's fun! If the guy can't deal with the build up, and gets bored in my opnion he's not really interested in the gurl to start with.

I would draw the line though - I wouldn't appreciate if a girl made me wait more than a month(max 2 months) for sex - this just doesn't seem reasonable if you're entering into a adult relationship for me - waiting for sex seems like the kind of thing you do when you're younger and starting out in the relationship world, I guess as a guarantee that the guy you're going out with isn't just doing it to get the sex!

 

[starlet26]

I think the obvious: That every man and every situation between a woman and a man is unique; the amount of time both parties wish to wait before becoming intimate is entirely up to them. Communication between partners is paramount. Everyone is an individual with individual views on things. There is no catch-all answer for your question.

i agree. i wasn't really looking for 1 right answer. i just wanted different opinions on the matter. this was based on a conversation i had with a friend and i wanted to prove to him that not all men think the same way...just because most of them do.

but thank all of you for your input....i liked what i heard...you guys have restored a tiny bit of my faith in the male sex in general.

 

[thujone]

i like to wait a bit and see which way her interest goes. if she grows colder i'll either seal the deal quick or cut her loose, if she gets more enticed then i keep it going for a bit to learn more about her so i can tailor an uber-romantic date to really fit her interests and then make a move. i'm just an old fashioned kinda guy, like to keep it classy like a frank capra flick.

 

[junkiecosmonaut]

In my opinion, the timing of the date on which a woman gives it up has very little to do with whether I have the type of emotional attraction to her that is going to lead to a long term relationship.

 

[PrincessM]

As a girl, I prefer to date and get to know someone, I just find sex hotter with someone I know, trust and feel for. The guy I'm dating just now said it before I said it to him, doesn't matter if we watch tv or kiss for hours on end in our underwear, we're building something up and seeing where it goes.I think the build up of sexual tension makes for the best sex.

 

[Coolio]

so...i was having this conversation with a male friend of mine about how long is the appropriate time to wait before having sex with a guy that a girl actually wants to date. this is not including one time things or a friends w/benefits situation. he sees no reason in waiting at all. he says it doesn't matter.

i, as a female was always told that if you have sex with a guy too soon he won't date you because he'll think your a slut. and guys will not date sluts. have sex with them, yes, but not date them. however, if we wait too long, the guy will lose interest and move on.

You, like most females, were always wrong.

You're probably also confused about what the actual difference between 'dating' and 'having sex' is.

 

[lola]

It really depends. I was married for nearly 6 years to a guy I asked out for a drink, had a one-night stand with and he just... moved in that night, we became inseparable and got married 5 months later. I had several boyfriends I had sex with on the first night we met. My current boyfriend was my best friend so it was a gradual process of falling for each other, but once it became clear it was more than a friendship we didn't waste any time...

In my opinion this whole issue is about women's low self-esteem and lack of sexual confidence. So many girls are messed up about their sexuality, feel funny about guys seeing them naked etc. that it becomes necessary for them to have a sense of security with the guy first, to know that he's going to stick around. For me, the lack of security is the exciting bit at the start of a relationship, and taking risks is part of it. Sure, they might never call again, but they may be crap selfish lovers and you might never call them again. I think that if a guy goes on a date with a girl who is confident with herself and her sexuality and they have sex on the first date he isn't going to respect her any less, and if he does she'd be better off not wasting her time on an immature neanderthal. However if she's clingy, or has to be drunk to do it, or is clearly uncomfortable and only does it to please the guy than yeah, it's a turn off. Also, guys who talk bullshit suck - I used to stop them after about 10 minutes and say "I'm definitely up for having sex with you, but you've got to stop talking like you're into me. I know you don't give a fuck what I think about politics or my taste in films. Let's go to yours"

 

[king_d1ngl1ng]

Most of the women I date, If I haven't at least gotten a BJ by date 3 i'm done. I'm not looking for the love of my life. I just want to fuck.

I'm not saying I'm not open to something more meaningful, but usually when I talk to women I'm trying to get in their pants, not be their best friend.

Its worked great for me so far, cause I met an awesome woman, We fucked on the second time out, and we're just having an insane amount of fun because the chemistry is that good. I'm not going to disappear or anything like that and i don't respect her any less.

 

[badboybrian]

just do it when it feels like its time for you. theres not like a definite time period like 2 weeks = sex. and yea just dont do it too soon or too late

QFT. i would think that after about 2-3 times of spending time with each other, you'd kinda know what direction you're wanting to take. not saying to have sex by date number 3, but at least by date 3 you get a feeling of how slow or not-so-slow you want to take things. (or even date 2)

and of course, communication is key. but definitely dont lay out the law of the land on the first date. i hate that crap!

 

[Tech Kinetics]

There are a lot of factors that play into this.
Many people like to think that time plays a huge role, when in fact it only represents a small contribution.

 

[Fawkes]

do it when you feel like it, but wear protection until you trust each other.

when i was younger i insisted i hold out for a certain time period before becomming sexually involved as not to appear "slutty".

however, i was extremely sexually attracted to my current boyfriend and could easily admit that the primary reason i pursued him was to have a sexual relationship. we were flirty co-workers though for 8 months before i made a move. i had gone over to his house once or twice and fooled around but it was only after our first official date that we slept together. we've been together 2+ years.

i think it sort of excites him that with him, i couldn't wait.

 

[-Guido-]

I don't understand waiting just for the sake of waiting. People should do what they feel, whether it's a week or 3 months.

Agreed. My girlfriend and I ended up waiting for a long time because she had a problem with guys only getting with her to try to take her virginity and I had the same problem, just with girls (club sluts and greasy guidettes to be specific) and some trust issues. It worked out great for us, I was ready sooner than her to start having sex but I waited until she was comfterable with the idea of giving herself to me. It did wonders for our relationship and our sex life is great and getting better everyday lol. Every couple is different though, do what works for you, be it 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 years, or a fucking couple milenia from now.

 

[versd]

i dont know if there is a hard and fast rule about how long to wait before having sex with someone who youre interested in having a relationship with. you can sleep with them immediately and it could work out, or you could wait several weeks/months and it could not work out.

it comes down to just personal compatibility and whether you two are on the same level and want the same things in a relationship/life.

in a general sense though, having sex too early is usually considered not the best idea for a long term relationship. many exceptions to this rule though.

sorry for the ambiguous answers lol

 

[lazylazyjoe]

Hell, I married a slut I slept with on a first date... never bothered me. Of course she left me, so in retrospect maybe I should have seen that coming.

 

[toa$t]

i only date sluts.

 

[rolling_souls]

If your a swinger, "slut" is a term of endearment. If he or I like you then we like the person you are, not whether you fuck on the first date and frankly trying to find the right protocol of when that should be is a turn off. We are men, we love intelligence in a woman and we love to fuck. More than just loving to fuck we love when our women love to fuck also, it opens up a relationship, tears down the walls and lets you explore it all with each other. Dont play a game, if you wanna fuck, lets fuck.

 

[ranunky]

don't wait. whoever told you that guys don't date girls who like sex is wrong.

 

[RedRum OG]

this is hard to word but... the longer you wait, it becomes more about the mental aspect and less physical. like you can enjoy it more because you care for the person etc. instead of just enjoying the act of sex.