In my experience, methadone vs subuxone comes down a lot to the size of your habit. If your habit is too big subuxone might not be sufficient to keep you comfortable. On the other hand, if your habit is too small and go on methadone you'll be one of those people who complain that methadone made them feel like a zombie and tired all the time.
It all depends on what's going to work right for you. At least it'll be a lot easier to move to methadone from subuxone if you need to than the other way around. Of the two, it's much better to try subuxone first if you think itll keep your cravings under control.
You said your big priority is stability and happyness. Good, that's exactly what your priority should be. But I feel I should ask, why do you feel the need to get off everything as fast as you can? In terms of actually staying off drugs, I think trying to get off EVERYTHING, especially if you have people depending on you being stable and reliable, is playing with fire and asking to relapse.
If you've had a substantial, long term opioid habit, and if you want or need stability, to be able to function in your life again. If that is the priority, I would go for long term maintainence. It can be subs, or methadone, or even Kratom, whatever keeps you comfortable enough to not need to use and that you can maintain in the long term. Trying to get off everything in the short term is going to be VERY VERY tough. It's your life, if that's what you want I wish you all the luck in the world and hope you make it. But it will be harder. And if you have children or others depending on you, I would go for what has the best odds of getting your life back on track and staying in track. And that's maintainence. Which maintainence drug depends a lot on the size of your habit. And your ability to get your dose reliably.
If I may ask, is there any reason in particular why you're so anxious to get off everything? I don't know if you've said so already somewhere but I didn't see a reason in your posts. I want you to succeed I'm just concerned cause I've seen a lot of people who wanted to just get off everything rather than compromise with ORT. And as a result went through a lot of pain only to wind up using again just like they started. That'd have been better off going with ORT and accepting that it'll be a long time before they get off everything.
I'm not saying that has to be you or that that's the case with your situation. Just that that's why I have concerns for you.
I notice you're suffering from a lot of fear and anxiety. Getting off everything will likely result in PAWS which will make that worse, all of which will make it hard to stay clean.
I'm actually trying to get off a long term heavy heroin habit myself right now. I'm not telling you this is what you should do, cause I'm not you, we are different people and our addictions aren't the same so just because this was right for me doesn't mean I'm saying this is what you should do. But I'm gonna tell you what I've done and why.
I was a heavy heroin addict, about a gram and a half a day IV, every day. Been using for years and been using that quantity for quite some time. I decided I'd had enough and wanted to stop. I'd tried methadone before but had little success. But that's cause they were anal about letting me increase my dose fast enough for how big my habit was, and I wasn't trying to quit, just avoid withdrawal. So I missed doses a lot and kept being put on a 30mg starter dose again and again.
They always made my feel like shit if I told them how much I used so I'd lie about it which made it worse.
When I decided to try again I started at a new clinic and they were a lot better. I decided to be totally honest this time. I told them how much I used and that I need to go up as fast as I can. They started me on 30mg, able to increase by 10mg every 2nd day. Finally some smart doctors. I got up to 70mg in just over a week. At my old clinic it would have taken a month, and it worked. I'm now over 30 days clean and have no physical cravings at all. Haven't since I got to a good dose about a few weeks ago.
Longest I've been off heroin in years. I was tempted to go with other options. Subuxone didn't seem like an option with my habit. I could have gone cold turkey, but withdrawal would have been brutal. And once I get off everything, I'm bound to get PAWS. And after all the shit I've done to myself and others while using, all that I've lost. With PAWS on top I'd never have been able to cope well enough to stay clean. And I decided if I was gonna do this, I want it to last or there's no point doing it at all. I could start tapering right away. But this has been a HUGE lifestyle change. I was panhandling every day, prostituting myself. Living with a bunch of other junkies. Now that's all gone, I left it all behind. Combine that with everything I've lost using. It won't take much for me to break and start using again. To give myself the best odds of success, I decided I shouldn't even be thinking about tapering off until long after I've gotten used to not living like that anymore. Not for at least a year or so. At least.
I don't wanna be on methadone the rest of my life, but I wanna make it this time. My loved ones have been put through so much by me. If I fail this time they might not help me again. And if I experience PAWS or severe long term anxiety and depression, I know I won't make it. So when I do eventually get off methadone, I'm gonna do it as slow as I possibly can. Snails pace slow.
That's what the evidence says has the best results statistically. That's what should be the most comfortable. Don't get me wrong here id love not to be a slave to drugs anymore. And so long as I'm on methadone I still am. I gotta go get my dose almost every day. See the doctor every month. But that's a small price to pay if the alternative is getting back on heroin. And it wouldn't take much for that to happen.
That's how I'm doing it and why. Maybe you can relate and maybe it'll be helpful to know. Then again maybe not. You're welcome to PM me if you have any questions or just want someone to talk to.
No matter how you do it I hope you make it. I just wonder if perhaps you're trying to achieve too much too soon. There's nothing wrong with trying to get further than I have sooner, so long as you won't wind up using again as a result. I feel like if I start using again, all the pain and effort I've put in to quitting, not to mention all the pain effort and money my loved ones have put in to help me, it'll all be for nothing if I don't make it. So I want the best odds I can get. If that means I gotta go slow and accept that I'll be on methadone for a long time, so be it.