A nonsense poem and more...

[smileyfish]

Hiya. I'm posting two poems and welcome criticims of both.
Thanks...
Landscapes of the Mind
Hover, drifting ever by
On seamless wings of never, high.
The sorrows pooled and wending wind
About the treasures gently lined
With gossamer and smiles bright
As softly sings the nearing night.
And up above the joys unfurl,
Graceful as they dip and curl,
Bright against the mellowed sun
Bubbled out with joys unspun.
Waves of wonder lap the shore,
Spreading out forever more.
And pearls of laughter tumbled down,
Twittered bursquely with the ground,
So puddled up the merry dew
And lo, the night swept in anew.
And sweetly sighed the neverhood;
Lingering, near understood.
_________________________________________
Witch
Christian raised,
Mantra seeped into
His very bones,
Confining, constricting,
Secure.
He wants her -
Grasping for an essence
Beyond his reach
And comprehension.
She opens to him,
To touch, to show
The infinite,
Precious gift,
Embracing.
Sweet longings for
A place in this world...
Hopes collapsed amid confusion,
Misunderstandings,
Gaping chasm
Bred of trepidation.
Slip between fingers,
Falling -
Blind soul revealed
Before her gods
Eternal.
_________________________________
Thanks again!
[ 07 January 2003: Message edited by: smileyfish ]

 

[vurtomatic]

the first poem literally painted a landscape of waters and sky, with some "things" flying and dipping in the sun

lotsa of warm, molten, golden colours in a fantasy world.
carefree and playful, in a lazy sort of way, springs to mind too.
and thanx for ur comments too, appreciate it

 

[WordyOne]

So, sorry if I missed something, but where was the nonsense poem - I'm guessing you're refering to the first? To me, it's not a nonsense poem, I think you were being modest!
Your rhyming and cadence in the first one is absolutely impeccable! The imagery, sounds and flow of the piece truly complements the mood and subject matter.
Well done.

 

[Ballyhoo]

No nonsense here! Both are great. I'm not one to post reply's, but I really enjoy reading great peices. Keep it up im looking forward to more like this.

 

[bluegirl]

ooooh, i REALLY liked the second poem - i love the way it builds layers upon layers in both meaning and also when i read it aloud.....
very nice,
bk