Crow
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 12, 2000
- Messages
- 8,635
A Letter to You 4/14/01
I never thought I was capable of a love like this, let alone disserving it. Ever since I was call the “fat chink boy” in elementary school, mixed with the “why am I so different” thoughts of puberty, I doubted if would ever be able to feel this way. Yes I have experienced love before, but I tend to think of that as a practice round given to me by my naivety and adolescence. After that I thought I was destined to just walk the earth at my own sloth pace, just watching the herds of people swirl around me. My mind so drilled with insecurity that this emotion would never be able to have a hold on me like it did then. But then that day happened…you know that day when we met. We’ve told the story so many times it’s become a routine in our minds. You know those routines that you just do and loose the real meaning behind them. That meaning just becomes lost in the standard introduction to someone new. But when you’ve lost that someone, like I lost you. You look at your actions so differently; learn to break down the percentages. Would I still have talked to you if I have taken one more step to the left that night?
But that is of the past now…maybe what we have put ourselves through these past months is a good thing. Maybe that is what we needed, a furious shakeup of our lives and to meet back in the middle and discuss.
I never stopped loving you. Always thought about what your opinion would be with my actions. Always wondered what you were doing those times I would never hear from you for weeks. I thought I was forgotten, a distant fading memory as you moved on with your life. I thought you were so much happier with your newfound powder driven reality. Maybe someone like yourself was what you deserved, not the long distant burden I would have been.
I miss you, it’s like we haven’t missed a step these past weeks. The old wounds are healing, but I’ll always carry the scars you gave me. Sometimes I question whether this is the right thing. How can I put so much trust in someone who has hurt me the most? Will you run again when tough times come? Will you run again when another catches your eye? Am I just something temporary to you? Till something better comes along? Or will you stand, plant your feet next to mine, take my hand and soul when needed. And when the time comes and I ask you to take that vow with me, to be mine forever. Will you keep to it? Can you give yourself to me like I have always wanted you to?
My time on this world has been short, but with you it seems as if I can live till the days end. You have given me a love that poets have written about, divas have sung about, playwrights have acted upon and musicians have played. You have been a muse to my soul, in everything I do, in everything I say; there is part of you in it…
[This message has been edited by Crow (edited 04 May 2001).]
I never thought I was capable of a love like this, let alone disserving it. Ever since I was call the “fat chink boy” in elementary school, mixed with the “why am I so different” thoughts of puberty, I doubted if would ever be able to feel this way. Yes I have experienced love before, but I tend to think of that as a practice round given to me by my naivety and adolescence. After that I thought I was destined to just walk the earth at my own sloth pace, just watching the herds of people swirl around me. My mind so drilled with insecurity that this emotion would never be able to have a hold on me like it did then. But then that day happened…you know that day when we met. We’ve told the story so many times it’s become a routine in our minds. You know those routines that you just do and loose the real meaning behind them. That meaning just becomes lost in the standard introduction to someone new. But when you’ve lost that someone, like I lost you. You look at your actions so differently; learn to break down the percentages. Would I still have talked to you if I have taken one more step to the left that night?
But that is of the past now…maybe what we have put ourselves through these past months is a good thing. Maybe that is what we needed, a furious shakeup of our lives and to meet back in the middle and discuss.
I never stopped loving you. Always thought about what your opinion would be with my actions. Always wondered what you were doing those times I would never hear from you for weeks. I thought I was forgotten, a distant fading memory as you moved on with your life. I thought you were so much happier with your newfound powder driven reality. Maybe someone like yourself was what you deserved, not the long distant burden I would have been.
I miss you, it’s like we haven’t missed a step these past weeks. The old wounds are healing, but I’ll always carry the scars you gave me. Sometimes I question whether this is the right thing. How can I put so much trust in someone who has hurt me the most? Will you run again when tough times come? Will you run again when another catches your eye? Am I just something temporary to you? Till something better comes along? Or will you stand, plant your feet next to mine, take my hand and soul when needed. And when the time comes and I ask you to take that vow with me, to be mine forever. Will you keep to it? Can you give yourself to me like I have always wanted you to?
My time on this world has been short, but with you it seems as if I can live till the days end. You have given me a love that poets have written about, divas have sung about, playwrights have acted upon and musicians have played. You have been a muse to my soul, in everything I do, in everything I say; there is part of you in it…
[This message has been edited by Crow (edited 04 May 2001).]
