3am gibberish
Greenlighter
Hey guys,
...another *new* long-time lurker comes forth
To everyone ~ the creators of this site, the people who maintain it's functionality & atmosphere, & especially to those generous souls who've taken the time to post their experiences, information & opinions ~ a huge, genuine, heartfelt thank you is long over-due.
I'm female, wrong side of 30, and have struggled with Major Depressive Disorder since childhood (Endogenous depression). By 20, I'd tried every antidepressant under the sun. None worked. Some made it worse. What did work was alcohol & opiates (separate periods ~ I'm very loyal & only "abuse" one substance at a time).
Luckily, so did intense exercise. Unluckily, I've had some medical bs that has stolen my jogging away, & I'm in a pretty black place at the moment and really struggling to avoid using OC to cope ~ because my tolerance would skyrocket, as it's effectiveness plummets, and the rebound is not pretty ...I hate the term "abuse" for seeking relief from agony.
Only one other substance has ever worked for me ~ but GOD (!) did it work... A spur-of-the-moment, "hey, wanna do some 'shrooms" situation led to an experience with Psilocybe Cubensis that without exaggeration, was life-altering. It was like a ***ing miracle. Thank God the internet was dial-up back then; If I had researched first and saw the: "do not ever take while depressed!!!" at the top of every page, I never would've tried them.
It was an indescribable, peaceful, overwhelmingly comforting, crazy trip, and for MONTHS after, just walking in the woods made me feel awesome. I only took a handful of trips after, all pleasant, but none like that first... (possibly because I had my hopes up too high)
I know NOW that my experience wasn't uncommon ~ thanks to Johns Hopkins for backing me up ~ but now, I want to make every attempt possible to make my next trip as useful as possible. Since I haven't used them in, Oh, 10 YEARS, I want to prepare.
Please teach me. I want to learn all thing Psilocybe ~ mycology 101. (I'm posting in hallucinogen forum)
I'd also like to connect with anyone else whose had life-long depression, or similar experiences where antidepressants are utterly worthless. ...it's a crappy way to live. Particularly when you look completely normal. Healthy even, with all the jogging, lol. It robs you of understanding from others, even in your own family. It's an awful feeling.
Thank you all again ~ I'm grateful there is a place where I can openly search for relief, since everyone knows ALL drugs are bad ...except those prescribed by your wise, kindly, infallible physician, who's only motive is your health & best interests. Much like pharmaceutical companies who work tirelessly on cures, hoping for the day we will no longer need them.
Nice to meet you.
Best to you & yours,
Kristy
...another *new* long-time lurker comes forth
To everyone ~ the creators of this site, the people who maintain it's functionality & atmosphere, & especially to those generous souls who've taken the time to post their experiences, information & opinions ~ a huge, genuine, heartfelt thank you is long over-due. I'm female, wrong side of 30, and have struggled with Major Depressive Disorder since childhood (Endogenous depression). By 20, I'd tried every antidepressant under the sun. None worked. Some made it worse. What did work was alcohol & opiates (separate periods ~ I'm very loyal & only "abuse" one substance at a time).
Luckily, so did intense exercise. Unluckily, I've had some medical bs that has stolen my jogging away, & I'm in a pretty black place at the moment and really struggling to avoid using OC to cope ~ because my tolerance would skyrocket, as it's effectiveness plummets, and the rebound is not pretty ...I hate the term "abuse" for seeking relief from agony.
Only one other substance has ever worked for me ~ but GOD (!) did it work... A spur-of-the-moment, "hey, wanna do some 'shrooms" situation led to an experience with Psilocybe Cubensis that without exaggeration, was life-altering. It was like a ***ing miracle. Thank God the internet was dial-up back then; If I had researched first and saw the: "do not ever take while depressed!!!" at the top of every page, I never would've tried them.
It was an indescribable, peaceful, overwhelmingly comforting, crazy trip, and for MONTHS after, just walking in the woods made me feel awesome. I only took a handful of trips after, all pleasant, but none like that first... (possibly because I had my hopes up too high)
I know NOW that my experience wasn't uncommon ~ thanks to Johns Hopkins for backing me up ~ but now, I want to make every attempt possible to make my next trip as useful as possible. Since I haven't used them in, Oh, 10 YEARS, I want to prepare.
Please teach me. I want to learn all thing Psilocybe ~ mycology 101. (I'm posting in hallucinogen forum)
I'd also like to connect with anyone else whose had life-long depression, or similar experiences where antidepressants are utterly worthless. ...it's a crappy way to live. Particularly when you look completely normal. Healthy even, with all the jogging, lol. It robs you of understanding from others, even in your own family. It's an awful feeling.
Thank you all again ~ I'm grateful there is a place where I can openly search for relief, since everyone knows ALL drugs are bad ...except those prescribed by your wise, kindly, infallible physician, who's only motive is your health & best interests. Much like pharmaceutical companies who work tirelessly on cures, hoping for the day we will no longer need them.
Nice to meet you.
Best to you & yours,
Kristy
Started using a vaporizer to *smoke* & it effects me weirdly. Less physical. So I keep inhaling, and have the misguided impression I'm not high until later when I realize I spent the night watching the same Boardwalk Empire 3x in a row, & STILL don't know wtf is going on ~ Tricksy stuff! 
