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a drink with the devil

Shucklak

Ex-Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 17, 2001
Messages
3,213
ENTER: me into dim and smokey bar
hushed voices
no one turns to look
a table
a bottle
two chairs
two glasses

i sit across from an empty seat
but
if its empty then who is that man
staring
with empty eyes at me?

where have you been? he asks
lost. i say, what about you?
i have always been there...he says
on the seat behind you on the train
in your pocket with the dollar bills
i am in the car that passes as you walk down the street
in the echo of your footsteps
with you in an empty room
watching while you sleep
i am waiting in the dark
always in the darkness.

he pours two drinks
and
my cigarette smoulders to life as i pull it from the pack now empty

i thought i knew you
i say.

what are you looking for? he asks.
i tell him: a way out.

i have a way. you know the price.
and god? i ask
...He watches, is the reply
and we sit for a moment in silence

and then
he pulls out a small blue bag and sets it on the table between us
we drink

i pick it up
 
i really liked this peice...but i feel there should be more story after the last line...its left so open neded and i cause i really got into it i went...'and then what after you picked it up'

its really well crafted and u should think bout extending it more =D

a very captivating peice :D
 
yeh i love this... congratulations on it.. but i think u should have left it at.. "and we sit for a moment in silence" or continued it for a bit after... i love it tho!
thumbsup!!!

chrissy
 
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