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a dove in flight

grimble crumble

grimble crumble

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 19, 2005
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one of my first poems. its inspired by recent events in my life, wondering what you all thought. I guesse its kinda straight to the point

-A Dove in Flight-

once I heard a voice so soft
it spoke to me with melodies
a singing bird inside of me,
so heavenly

I listened and fell
through the feathers of love
comfort like childhood
games under stars above

today I heard a dove in flight
soaring far away from me
with every flutter of its wings
a storm did rage above the sea

now I lie in the place tonight
where loath and love command
sitting awake at four AM
with a pen in hand

can i drift through the storms of my sea?
was i really all I could be?
did she even know me or fright?
does she know that nothing feels right?
oh nothing feels right
nothing feels right

...

hopelessly drifting through the tides
tightly gripping scribbled strifes
 
Last edited:
grimble crumble said:
hopelessly drifting through the tides
tightly gripping scribbled strifes
Click to expand...

These words, more than anything, seared through my soul.

I liked what you wrote.

Keep writing, even if only for yourself :)
 
Great emotional depth, a powerful work. Please work on the meter and repost. It has all the hallmarks of a classic...
 
wow thanks everyone for the replies, it means a lot to me.

haribo, thanks for the tip I was looking for a post like that because I thought something could be tweeked.

exoiced, i definetily plan to put it to song, guitar playing is my passion.
 
alright sorry bout bringing this back from the dead guys. just finally got around to editing it and just wondering if this meter is correct. One question I had is would the meter still be correct if I changed the line "a tune was heard so heavenly" back to just so heavenly (havent written many poems)

-A Dove in Flight-

once I heard a voice so soft
it spoke to me with melodies
a singing bird inside of me,
a tune was heard so heavenly

I listened and fell through
the snug feathers of love
comfort like childs play
under the stars above

today I heard a dove in flight
soaring far away from me
with every flutter of its wings
a storm did rage above the sea

now I lie in the place tonight
where loath and love command
sitting awake at four AM
a pad and pen in hand

can i drift through the storms of my sea?
was i really all I could be?
did she know me or an ominous fright?
does she know that nothing feels right?
nothing feels right
nothing feels right

...

hopelessly drifting through the tides
tightly gripping scribbled strifes
 
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