"Hello."
K: "Hi Mom."
"Hi Kristen. How are you"
K: "I'm fine. How are you and dad doing."
"Were doing OK. Your father is outside mowing the lawn."
K: "oh, really?"
"Hows work going."
(I've learned from experience her estimation of me as a person is based on a formula which is based on my Income and level of business success. It's also her favorite topic.)
K: "Very busy, but very good. What are you both up too this week."
(at this point I mute the cell phone as I quickly open a new bottle of Klonopin. I don't want her to hear the click click click of the bottle and I press and open it).
"...and THEN she proceeded to tell me I needed to have this appointment pre-approved by our insurance. So I said forget it."
K: "Um, well if your sick don't you think you should go?"
Side Note:
I KNOW goddamn well she will not go to a doctor. She doesn't trust any of them and will instead complain about how rude their front office people are, or how poorly trained they are these days. It's interesting to note that while she harbors a deep hatred and mistrust for the medical profession she has never hesitated to hand me over to them like some sacrificial lamb from around age 5 onward. By 16, I had a team of specialists, was being dosed on Lithium and Trazodone, and Ambien to such a level I would often forget forget my phone number or home address when asked. She had, and still has a grim fascination with doctors and procedures and whatever pharmaceutical they had me on at the time. Ironically I can never once remember being sick. In fact I still never get sick. Ever. And I cannot figure out what her motivation was to do this.
"No. There all a bunch of nuts anyway. Remember that time, you were about 10, and they gave you the wrong drug at the pharmacy and you almost died."
K: "No, I don't remember that. What was I being treated for anyway? I don't ever remember being sick."
"I don't remember. Is it sunny there today?"
K: (note the change of subject) "Ah..yeah. It's Southern California. Everyday is the same here. Speaking of that. I was wondering if you and dad would want to come visit me for a week or two. I've been really stressed and would love to see you. I know dad has vacation time and I'll pay for the flight, rental car, hotel, whatever you want."
"Mmm. No, I don't think I want too."
K: "Oh. I just thought.."
"I JUST saw you in September, Kristen. (Read: 9 months ago) Besides I have plenty of stuff to do here and it's a long flight. (Read: I'm not worth the travel time.)
K: "Ok. I just thought it might be nice to see you. Your the only family I have."
" besides last time I was there you looked so tired and too thin. What did you eat today"
K: "Ya..I remember. You got off the plane and I went to give you a hug and you said "Jesus Kristen, you look like a damn junkie." Thanks for that by the way. I'm going to go now..tell dad I said hi."
"Ok. goodbye."