Nutritional
Greenlighter
Hello, first and foremost I want to start off with an introduction. I have been "lurking" these forums for the last 3 months, researching and informing my self of the various neurochemical and psychological effects that MDMa, and other substances of interests that are discussed on these forums. I am relatively well-read in general psychology and find that and noo-tropic, nutritional substances to be somewhat of a research hobby of mine.
I have mostly spent time researching MDMA and its effects and reading various replies in an attempt to come to terms with what might be going on with me in my head.
My story with MDMA goes as follows: I am 21 and an avid pot smoker but other than that have only used cocaine and speed less than a handful of times in my life. MDMA I have never touched until this summer when I decided to go a little bit overboard and do it a total of 8 times in the span of 3 months.
The first 3 times were consecutive, at a music festival (quarter pill, half, thn a whole one) Then a 3 week break and another half a pill, then a 10 day break and about 100-150mg of M and after that a week break with another round of 150mg of MDMA and another week later again about 100-150mg of MDMA.
All of the times I was drinking rather heavily and smoking weed at the end of my rolls and most definitely the day after. I felt very minimal comedown effects everytime I did it, which is why I decided to "abuse" it. I actually never felt better in my life, I was on top of all of my stuff and felt nearly invincible. A feeling that everything was accomplishable. I was more motivated towards things than usual and my memory was better than usual. I could recall things like no tomorrow, memories from way back in the past including short-term memories. I felt like my brain had opened up. However , it all felt like a "dopamine" kind of high. It was as if I was really motivated, talkative and just in a general rewarded type of feeling. At the same time, in the back end of my thoughts I knew this feeling was unsustainable and even kad an inkling of thought that this extremely good feeling is going to be felt now and then it will dissapear for a very long time.
At the time I had just come back from an 8 month exchange in europe, and I had told my self that I needed to be super ready for the upcoming year due to it being my last year in University. I attributed this month long sensation mostly to the psychological effects of my environment adn situation at the time.
Could it instead have been just the remnants of all the intoxication taht I had put into my body over the summer?
Because it was a long-lasting sensation I decided a month later to drop again. This time it was only a dab on the tip of my pinky finger. The night was good, the high wasn't as strong as usual, but I felt buzzed and most of the lower-end of the spectrum of an MDMA buzz. Talkativeness, connectedness and an overall feeling of elatedness.
But this last time I felt like I was more depressed and aggravated as usual as well as VERY disoriented in a mnemonic sense of the word. To clarify that I felt as though I had to recollect my memories and thoughts that comprised "Who I was " I found myself recollecting certain memories, ideas, realizations and thoughts that I had amassed in the past year. The depression that was usually very minimal and seem to very noticeabley alleviate in the summer, was prolonged and never really really left me.
Furthermore ever since this last time I have been having drastic problems with attention, confusion, talking, memory (mostly recall, but recognition in some cases as well) and in general foggy, slowed thinking. I feel like I had suddenly developed ADD. Anything requriing mental effort makes me get really edgy, jumpy and I'm unable to just sit and read something.
Memory capacity and formation seems very off.
Certain memories seem "unreachable" within my head, or will take a while for me to actually remember the general aspect. The specifics for a memory are ever harder and harder to reach. For example when a friend that I haven't seen in a while, but I KNOW that I've had some very fun times with will start a story about these times, I will likely for the first 2 seconds look blankly at them while my brain slowly puts together the memory from before, and when it does it is no where near as detailed as I know it used to be.
In the initial come-down the first month I had severe stress/panic attacks that at times made me dizzy, out of breath, even colour blind (I would be staring at my computer screen doing an assignment that I just couldn't figure out and my vision would start turning black and white)
In addition putting words and sentences together seems like much harder. I would struggle to find the right word in my head, even for simplistic descriptions of things. It is something that has gotten progressively better over the last 3 months but I still feel I am no where near as fast in thought and word/sentence formation as I used to be.
The mental sensation of all these feelings are as if someone took an axe and chopped off a part of my brain.
The last thing I should mention is that I do smoke weed rather regularly, an experience taht I loved, but recently weed has been making me more and more "out of it". I'll smoke and I'll feel calm ,but completely dissassociated with whats going on. It feels as if I'm not really there. It becomes literally physically impossible to state an idea or thought, my brain just feels numb.
I waited to post anything, but now it has been 3 months and I am still experiencing a slew of symptoms that do not resemble who I am used to being at all..
Is this normal given my "abuse" of mdma and alcohol and weed?
I have mostly spent time researching MDMA and its effects and reading various replies in an attempt to come to terms with what might be going on with me in my head.
My story with MDMA goes as follows: I am 21 and an avid pot smoker but other than that have only used cocaine and speed less than a handful of times in my life. MDMA I have never touched until this summer when I decided to go a little bit overboard and do it a total of 8 times in the span of 3 months.
The first 3 times were consecutive, at a music festival (quarter pill, half, thn a whole one) Then a 3 week break and another half a pill, then a 10 day break and about 100-150mg of M and after that a week break with another round of 150mg of MDMA and another week later again about 100-150mg of MDMA.
All of the times I was drinking rather heavily and smoking weed at the end of my rolls and most definitely the day after. I felt very minimal comedown effects everytime I did it, which is why I decided to "abuse" it. I actually never felt better in my life, I was on top of all of my stuff and felt nearly invincible. A feeling that everything was accomplishable. I was more motivated towards things than usual and my memory was better than usual. I could recall things like no tomorrow, memories from way back in the past including short-term memories. I felt like my brain had opened up. However , it all felt like a "dopamine" kind of high. It was as if I was really motivated, talkative and just in a general rewarded type of feeling. At the same time, in the back end of my thoughts I knew this feeling was unsustainable and even kad an inkling of thought that this extremely good feeling is going to be felt now and then it will dissapear for a very long time.
At the time I had just come back from an 8 month exchange in europe, and I had told my self that I needed to be super ready for the upcoming year due to it being my last year in University. I attributed this month long sensation mostly to the psychological effects of my environment adn situation at the time.
Could it instead have been just the remnants of all the intoxication taht I had put into my body over the summer?
Because it was a long-lasting sensation I decided a month later to drop again. This time it was only a dab on the tip of my pinky finger. The night was good, the high wasn't as strong as usual, but I felt buzzed and most of the lower-end of the spectrum of an MDMA buzz. Talkativeness, connectedness and an overall feeling of elatedness.
But this last time I felt like I was more depressed and aggravated as usual as well as VERY disoriented in a mnemonic sense of the word. To clarify that I felt as though I had to recollect my memories and thoughts that comprised "Who I was " I found myself recollecting certain memories, ideas, realizations and thoughts that I had amassed in the past year. The depression that was usually very minimal and seem to very noticeabley alleviate in the summer, was prolonged and never really really left me.
Furthermore ever since this last time I have been having drastic problems with attention, confusion, talking, memory (mostly recall, but recognition in some cases as well) and in general foggy, slowed thinking. I feel like I had suddenly developed ADD. Anything requriing mental effort makes me get really edgy, jumpy and I'm unable to just sit and read something.
Memory capacity and formation seems very off.
Certain memories seem "unreachable" within my head, or will take a while for me to actually remember the general aspect. The specifics for a memory are ever harder and harder to reach. For example when a friend that I haven't seen in a while, but I KNOW that I've had some very fun times with will start a story about these times, I will likely for the first 2 seconds look blankly at them while my brain slowly puts together the memory from before, and when it does it is no where near as detailed as I know it used to be.
In the initial come-down the first month I had severe stress/panic attacks that at times made me dizzy, out of breath, even colour blind (I would be staring at my computer screen doing an assignment that I just couldn't figure out and my vision would start turning black and white)
In addition putting words and sentences together seems like much harder. I would struggle to find the right word in my head, even for simplistic descriptions of things. It is something that has gotten progressively better over the last 3 months but I still feel I am no where near as fast in thought and word/sentence formation as I used to be.
The mental sensation of all these feelings are as if someone took an axe and chopped off a part of my brain.
The last thing I should mention is that I do smoke weed rather regularly, an experience taht I loved, but recently weed has been making me more and more "out of it". I'll smoke and I'll feel calm ,but completely dissassociated with whats going on. It feels as if I'm not really there. It becomes literally physically impossible to state an idea or thought, my brain just feels numb.
I waited to post anything, but now it has been 3 months and I am still experiencing a slew of symptoms that do not resemble who I am used to being at all..
Is this normal given my "abuse" of mdma and alcohol and weed?
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