Xorkoth
Bluelight Crew
2:15am - Ingest 27-28mg 4-HO-MET fumarate orally/sublingually. Of note: Had 4mg of DOC earlier (at 9:30am) which is basically gone. Taste is not good, but not overpowering either. Kind of a dusty, old-tasting bitterness. It's a crisp bitterness, unpleasant but easily bearable.
2:35 - Bowels moving. I feel a light and very smooth buzz beginning.
2:49 - Here it comes. This wave feels like the come-on of 4-AcO-DMT. Just put on a CD I made which is an assortment of My Morning Jacket, recommended by a friend for some time now. It's the first time listening to them at all.
2:54 - Some time dilation. Intensification and bleeding of colors. A strange effect of straight edges seeming to flow to the right, into themselves (not actually ending up in a different place). This is all just beginning to develop now. CEVs faint, indistinct, but present.
3:04 - Afterimages remaining longer than usual and more vividly than usual. Extraordinarily comfortable, quite like 4-AcO-DMT. Colors evident are blues and greens, with a yellow edge to them. Shulman and mary jane are added, to great effect.
3:10 - Very good closed-eye visuals indeed. Bright colors, very complex designs. I feel like I should maybe start painting because they're so beautiful. All the colors of the rainbow in spiralling, fractal patterns which changed at all times. It reminds me of the spiral fractal in MilkDrop (the visualization program for Winamp), the one that coils up into a spiral until it gets very tight, then uncoils and coils up in the opposite direction. All of the spaces in the top layer of the design are filled in with infinite recursive detail. It seemed to be a glimpse at some sort of world totally at random. Meaningless to me, but very complex. I do not want to open my eyes really, but I want to record this. I have a good feeling about this. I think I will paint shortly. Why can't I write, paint, close my eyes, and listen at the same time?!
I am torn between exploring my senses and the visions presented to me, or to try to turn my mind off. I realize that for the past few months or so I have been extremely good at banishing parts of my mind, anxiety, depression, fear, but I have gotten lazy at actually letting go of everything, becoming one.
3:22 - I wish I could record my thoughts right now without typing them, because there are so many. This stuff presents all the senses to great material, and pushes me to communicate it all, and of course there is no possible way I could come close. To make matters worse, the only way I have to record thoughts makes me open my eyes, which makes it less immersive. Help!
Loss of magic - lack of alien feeling, stimuli do not pull me inescapably in and create a magical situation of awe and meaning.
Thinking of wearing my body my whole life feeling like it won't matter. I realize the possibility of some sort of brain cancer or similar [from all this use of unresearched compounds], but I don't think it will matter, because by then our race will be lost or ascended. Or at least science will be able to cure it all (hopefully)!
The image of enlightenment - as a balloon being filled with hot air and ascending ever upwards. Drugs can be a tremendous boost in getting started and making full flight, but they'll cling on and slow you down little by little, until the point of stopping and dragging back down. Once you've past a certain point, you would do much better letting them go. I have reached that point, had a while ago, and I should let go, but haven't. This has made it so that my spiritual progress is stagnating, with advances here and there but nothing revolutionary.
3:42 - Had a bit of dark imagery which disturbed me, don't want to repeat. I was thinking of the need for governments, a way to somehow get vast hordes of people to accomplish anything as a whole.
Thinking about how oral admin has a certain specialness to it that I haven't yet experienced with other methods. Rectal comes quite close but oral hits closer to home so to speak.
A certain sound effect in the CD: Picturing being out in space and seeing/experiencing something so incomprehensibly vast it is experienced in sound also. This thought is so awe-inspiring that it brings me to my knees and sends full-body shivers through my spine.
This one is still a little magical, and I appreciate that. Imagining a lot of space and vast distance scales. Imagining saturation of the empty cosmos with infinite substance, every size scale being rendered effectively nothingness because of how incomprehensibly vast it all is. Imagining the dizzyingly vast distances of near-nothingness between heavenly bodies. The infinity contained in every particle we experience.
4:01 - Thoughts ended by horrible imagery once again. Great, great thoughts though. Some drugs seem to provide my mind with instant substance to digest and communicate, a muse if you will. You see this pattern in a lot of artists.
4:23 - Must remember to try to go with the experience and really experience it, and not be so worried about relaying it.
THOUGHTS FROM LATER ON (3 WEEKS OR SO LATER):
The above was written during the experience, but I've been in a very busy time in my life and I've had little to no time to finish this report. But I have wanted, very much, to provide a full account of 4-HO-MET, as it was given to me as a gift for this purpose.
I found this substance to be unique enough from the other 4-substituted tryptamines to consider it its own material. It was very lucid, first of all. Some tryptamines especially cause a lot of confusion, and some can be muddy, slow. 4-HO-MET was neither of these. My mind was quick and crystal-clear, but the beautiful flow of inspiration and revelation that psychedelics can put us in touch with was very much there.
In fact, the only negative part to the experience (aside from some brief imagery) was that I was frustrated that I couldn't record what was going on! I got about .0001% of what was going on onto the text file I was using to record these words. This substance provided me with more psychedelic inspiration, even while being pretty weak in terms of overall intensity, than any substance has in a long time. I wanted to release this inspiration in word, thought, and all forms of art, simultaneously.
Also, this substance was quite colorful, with more pastel tones than DMT, but in other ways quite similar to mushroom visuals, but more n,n-DMT-like than the fungus. I could make no sense of what I was seeing with closed eyes, but it moved and breathed along with the music and was incredibly intricate to an extent that amazed me. It seemed as if I was looking in on some other place in existence, some vast organic machine that was churning away tirelessly.
The overall vibe was very friendly. The body high reminded me highly of 4-AcO-DMT (not mushrooms so much), except it was a lower-frequence buzzing with much less of a loss of coordination and balance. It really was quite pleasurable.
So, overall, I loved this stuff, and I look forward to when I can have a more immersive experience. I feel as if this material has the potential to be very, very deep and psychedelic, perhaps up there with the greats.
EDIT: I submitted this to Erowid under my author name, for anyone else who triages/reviews reports.
substancecode_4HOMET
2:35 - Bowels moving. I feel a light and very smooth buzz beginning.
2:49 - Here it comes. This wave feels like the come-on of 4-AcO-DMT. Just put on a CD I made which is an assortment of My Morning Jacket, recommended by a friend for some time now. It's the first time listening to them at all.
2:54 - Some time dilation. Intensification and bleeding of colors. A strange effect of straight edges seeming to flow to the right, into themselves (not actually ending up in a different place). This is all just beginning to develop now. CEVs faint, indistinct, but present.
3:04 - Afterimages remaining longer than usual and more vividly than usual. Extraordinarily comfortable, quite like 4-AcO-DMT. Colors evident are blues and greens, with a yellow edge to them. Shulman and mary jane are added, to great effect.
3:10 - Very good closed-eye visuals indeed. Bright colors, very complex designs. I feel like I should maybe start painting because they're so beautiful. All the colors of the rainbow in spiralling, fractal patterns which changed at all times. It reminds me of the spiral fractal in MilkDrop (the visualization program for Winamp), the one that coils up into a spiral until it gets very tight, then uncoils and coils up in the opposite direction. All of the spaces in the top layer of the design are filled in with infinite recursive detail. It seemed to be a glimpse at some sort of world totally at random. Meaningless to me, but very complex. I do not want to open my eyes really, but I want to record this. I have a good feeling about this. I think I will paint shortly. Why can't I write, paint, close my eyes, and listen at the same time?!
I am torn between exploring my senses and the visions presented to me, or to try to turn my mind off. I realize that for the past few months or so I have been extremely good at banishing parts of my mind, anxiety, depression, fear, but I have gotten lazy at actually letting go of everything, becoming one.
3:22 - I wish I could record my thoughts right now without typing them, because there are so many. This stuff presents all the senses to great material, and pushes me to communicate it all, and of course there is no possible way I could come close. To make matters worse, the only way I have to record thoughts makes me open my eyes, which makes it less immersive. Help!
Loss of magic - lack of alien feeling, stimuli do not pull me inescapably in and create a magical situation of awe and meaning.
Thinking of wearing my body my whole life feeling like it won't matter. I realize the possibility of some sort of brain cancer or similar [from all this use of unresearched compounds], but I don't think it will matter, because by then our race will be lost or ascended. Or at least science will be able to cure it all (hopefully)!
The image of enlightenment - as a balloon being filled with hot air and ascending ever upwards. Drugs can be a tremendous boost in getting started and making full flight, but they'll cling on and slow you down little by little, until the point of stopping and dragging back down. Once you've past a certain point, you would do much better letting them go. I have reached that point, had a while ago, and I should let go, but haven't. This has made it so that my spiritual progress is stagnating, with advances here and there but nothing revolutionary.
3:42 - Had a bit of dark imagery which disturbed me, don't want to repeat. I was thinking of the need for governments, a way to somehow get vast hordes of people to accomplish anything as a whole.
Thinking about how oral admin has a certain specialness to it that I haven't yet experienced with other methods. Rectal comes quite close but oral hits closer to home so to speak.
A certain sound effect in the CD: Picturing being out in space and seeing/experiencing something so incomprehensibly vast it is experienced in sound also. This thought is so awe-inspiring that it brings me to my knees and sends full-body shivers through my spine.
This one is still a little magical, and I appreciate that. Imagining a lot of space and vast distance scales. Imagining saturation of the empty cosmos with infinite substance, every size scale being rendered effectively nothingness because of how incomprehensibly vast it all is. Imagining the dizzyingly vast distances of near-nothingness between heavenly bodies. The infinity contained in every particle we experience.
4:01 - Thoughts ended by horrible imagery once again. Great, great thoughts though. Some drugs seem to provide my mind with instant substance to digest and communicate, a muse if you will. You see this pattern in a lot of artists.
4:23 - Must remember to try to go with the experience and really experience it, and not be so worried about relaying it.
THOUGHTS FROM LATER ON (3 WEEKS OR SO LATER):
The above was written during the experience, but I've been in a very busy time in my life and I've had little to no time to finish this report. But I have wanted, very much, to provide a full account of 4-HO-MET, as it was given to me as a gift for this purpose.
I found this substance to be unique enough from the other 4-substituted tryptamines to consider it its own material. It was very lucid, first of all. Some tryptamines especially cause a lot of confusion, and some can be muddy, slow. 4-HO-MET was neither of these. My mind was quick and crystal-clear, but the beautiful flow of inspiration and revelation that psychedelics can put us in touch with was very much there.
In fact, the only negative part to the experience (aside from some brief imagery) was that I was frustrated that I couldn't record what was going on! I got about .0001% of what was going on onto the text file I was using to record these words. This substance provided me with more psychedelic inspiration, even while being pretty weak in terms of overall intensity, than any substance has in a long time. I wanted to release this inspiration in word, thought, and all forms of art, simultaneously.
Also, this substance was quite colorful, with more pastel tones than DMT, but in other ways quite similar to mushroom visuals, but more n,n-DMT-like than the fungus. I could make no sense of what I was seeing with closed eyes, but it moved and breathed along with the music and was incredibly intricate to an extent that amazed me. It seemed as if I was looking in on some other place in existence, some vast organic machine that was churning away tirelessly.
The overall vibe was very friendly. The body high reminded me highly of 4-AcO-DMT (not mushrooms so much), except it was a lower-frequence buzzing with much less of a loss of coordination and balance. It really was quite pleasurable.
So, overall, I loved this stuff, and I look forward to when I can have a more immersive experience. I feel as if this material has the potential to be very, very deep and psychedelic, perhaps up there with the greats.
EDIT: I submitted this to Erowid under my author name, for anyone else who triages/reviews reports.
substancecode_4HOMET
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I have always loved reading your reports, both here and on Erowid. 
