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  • BDD Moderators: Keif’ Richards

3rd night up....getting bored

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shellybabe

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 24, 2011
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So...I have just recently gotten a div orce from a very controlling man. I get me and my bad ass pug our own apartment. I decided I wanted to try a binge, I know longer really do drugs, but I have the week off and I was curious. I don't want to force myself into sleep with too many Clonazapams, so just took one to chill, would prefer to fall asleep naturally. But I am bored, been reading the site forever, not cranky..I would hate to ruin the fun I did have..positive thinking is also important on coming downs. The more you worry, the worse it will be. So my face is red, im not realliy seeing to many shadows, last bump was an hour ago...think i will sleep soon?

Thanks..I am really impressed with the site and the people. Also, please don't start telling me all these bad things that will happen, it wont help. Im just looking for a good estimate and why i am red.

I did not do this because I am depressed either, I was but it was gone, when I moved in my own place. This was a curiosity thing
 
You are probably asleep by now, but I didn't see any mention in your post of what was keeping you awake, so it's impossible to answer your question. If you are living alone now, and are going to go on binges, I hope you have a friend or someone you trust that you can talk to before you go on a binge. That way, at least one person knows what you are up to, so that in the unlikely event that something happens, at least someone will know what happened. Good luck on your new single life, and please be careful with any drugs-I'm certain you don't want to ruin your new freedoms by OD'ing or anything like that . If you have any questions just ask here on this forum.
Best of luck to you and be careful !
 
I hear you.

The adjustments you are going through and will continue to go through after what you've already BEEN through are not going to go away with one binge, or many binges.

Be patient with time and with the universe as it changes to fit your new circumstances. It will definitely take time.

Time is a bitch too, if you are lonely, discouraged, feeling displaced or disregarded. Time seems to slow down when I feel that way and hours seem like they take days to pass.

Keep going forward and making progress towards the new life you are building for yourself.

Congratulations.
 
Glad you're ok. I still don;t know what you were binging on, but if you are in the process of putting together a new life, I would put a hold on binging, at least for now. I suspect you have more important things to take care of, and you seem to be the type of person that would prefer to take care of business rather than unproductively binge on whatever drug(s). Get your business in order, and don't let drugs get you off track, you seem too smart for that .
 
I am not sag about putting my life together and starting new, i is very liberating, and it starts Monday. I wanted to do this...while I had the time, and not out of blocking things out. I have not had any paranoia becasue I talked my self into the comedown part is worssened b y the fear of it and needing to be down with it. Im not working that angle, im snuggled up with my dog...dont imagine I will be sleeping anytime soon, so I will just wait. I do not feel guity and from what I am learning this is the guilt, the paranoia time where everyone hates what they did. I will not hate it, it will make it easier! Like yo see these poeple on the boards screaming help me when do i sleep, so they are creating panick...if I had work tomorrow I would be panicking too. So this is the only time i can do this fully realaxed and I'll be tored for a few days. I have bananas, muscle milk, ssri's and benzo so I am sure I will be fine. The worst hangovers I have ever experienced is all night binge drinking and heavy coke use....that was painful! Thanks for your encouragment, sorry about spelling shaky hands..too much work to fix it all
 
Hya Shelly, not to sure what's going on with you other then the divorce and a binge, although some where I missed what you were binge'ing on but do you know that there is a forums dedicated for times like this when your feeling down and just want to talk it out with a bunch of people (self included) who have been where you are, know what your feeling and have complete empathy? It's called the Dark Side http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/forums/47-The-Dark-Side I sure hope your feeling better, and if you ever have anything you want to share, that's probably be the best forum to get it all out and people can relate. And just remember, just by you opening up with what ever is going on with you, you may just wind up helping someone else. So feel free to come to the dark side :) Hope to see you there!!!

Forever in pain,

Pain
 
No it is not like that I can see how it might pose it self that way. I do not use to self medicate, I used to use alcholol and cocaine...but it was really something i wanted to try. I haven't even touched it in a day and a half im just still up, thee the rest out didn't even wa t it my house. Thank you for your concern, but I am in the best spot in my life, and I have cleared my head, even before this. I have a hige suport sysrtem, they call me every day, i am not alone

I was in alot of pain for a long time, but I have worked really hard on myself. I haven'rf felt so good about me....
 
But we still want to know what you've been taking , its kinda part of the point of the forum to share info and experiances........your turning into a substance tease ;)
 
Oh I didn't realize I hadn't said, a very low dose of meth...that is why i am still up, but i actullaly never did it, and I haven't touche id since yesterday afternoon. I also threw the rest out. It was a curioity thing. I am in therapy, I love my new place I have dog and I no longer live in a toxic relationship, my head is on straight. Next week I start work again...my life is on the right path. I have things to do, partying is not an loing term option for me, I would never be able to be a recreational user of any kind...I am in my 30's and i cant do that and go to work. Actually reading how many people do, I as shocked, I was like how can you work? but to each his own, but not me
 
Oh Ok Shelly, it sounded like you just wanted to be able to sit back and share what was going on in somewhat of a social venue, and that is what the lounge and the Dark Side is for. Well the Dark Side is more like the mental health hotline here :) I just used it to vent something about my Dr that has me really upset. I just wan't sure what you were looking for from your post in the basic drug discussion area, so sorry if I got that wrong :)

Are you looking at something to help keep you clean? Are you trying to sober up? I'm still at a little bit of a loss as to what your looking for in this thread, don't mind me though, I get confused easily lol
 
Seems like we posted at the same time lol.. Meth huh? Never tried it, prolly never will, but I'm glad you got it out of your mind. Guess you can check one more off your bucket list huh? :) I am glad to see your on the road to recovery, if you've never been through it before, just remember that during your recovery, you never have to go at it alone. Even if there is no one sitting next to you, make sure you keep sites like this one in your pocket incase you get that urge, or the emotions run too high. There are plenty of us around here who are in recovery and have either gone through, or going though the same issues. I personally have been clean for 1 year 3 moths and for me all it took was me being honest with myself and realizing that if I did't believe in myself how could I expect my loved ones, my family to believe in me. Good luck with your sobriety... Oh and I was one of those that could party and work and I did it for 5 years straight, and still won the employee of the month 3 times at a very large international company where I was their senior support engineer for both hardware and software, and trust me when I tell you it wasn't easy!
 
I do not need anything to keep me clean, I do not do drugs regularly. When I lived back east before I put alot of hard work into being better to myself, yes I would self medicate with Alcohol and Coke. Now I live i the west coast, we do not have that substance where I am from, so I wanted to try it. I don't want more, it is over. I tried it, even if i woulda loved it, I knew going in it was my own thing. I am not on the darkside, and I do apprecaite your concern, but you are gonna have to trust me on this one. I dont want to be 40 doing drugs, that is not me. I have tried alot of drugs onc e out of curiosity, with much research. I am curious, but i have too many people I know that died to break the rules I have made up. I dont just try something because it is there...I am all good. My life becomes before drugs....i wish alot of my friends back east knew that, but I figured it out.
 
I am not in recovery, I have been diagnosed as dual diagnosis, but I that what I work on. If I felt like i slipped, i would be feeling guilty like everyone else does at this stage of a 4 day binge, I'm happy. I am therapy because of other things....I just took my dog down the block to the beach and im gonna just let my body fall asleep, I don't even want to take a bunch of clonazapam, which are my prescription to just nod off and get to sleep,I do not abuse them. I only took one tday to even it out, but they have a purpsoe and they aren't to get me out of this, they are in case I have a panick attack. I do not abus them, for and I am sure to be asleep shortly...so have i satisfied your curiosity about how much truth i tell....thart was an adventure, and its over...and tomorrow is a new day..today I get to be lazy

***Edit..and my dog is my life, I wouldn't go out on bedersd every weekend and leave him alone. I would rather have him then my hub.
 
Don't know about the rest of you but its all getting a bit wierd for me and thats is saying something:)....I'l duck out of thid one and leave you all to it I'm just not gettng where its all xcomming from or heading to, its been a long day I'm sure th rest of you have it covered;)
 
It's all good Shelly, I wasn't curious about how much you tell the truth. Where I got confused was I didn't (and still don't) have a clue why you were posting this in the Basic Drug Discussion forum, where is where we usually discuss harm reduction and education on doing drugs, which doesn't seem to fit in with your post. That is where the lounge and the dark side come in especially with a dual diagnosis, the dark side would be the place to go IF you did need to chat, or the lounge if just trying to be social :) But it's all good with me. Where about on the East Coast? Just looking to know what state you were from?
 
atm23 said:
Don't know about the rest of you but its all getting a bit wierd for me and thats is saying something:)....I'l duck out of thid one and leave you all to it I'm just not gettng where its all xcomming from or heading to, its been a long day I'm sure th rest of you have it covered;)
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^^ This for sure atm!!! LMAO! :) I can empathize ;) At first I thought it was just me, and I was playing along for the ride, but seems you were on the same bus, you just bailed a stop before me! lol
 
O only signed up for the site this weekend to do my reearch so I do not know my way around, I apprecate it. And I friom NYC, I am not allowed to chart in the lunge yet, because I am a newbie

Thanks!
 
There is a thread in which many of us have posted pictures of our pets. You are in the company of many like minded animal lovers... some of whom surely prefer their pet to their past dysfunction! I couldn't find the thread even using the fine search (because somebody will probably ask me "Did you UTFS?")
:-)
Perhaps a mod can get you there. I love my dog and she loves me, and sometimes that's more than enough. I have a pic in that thread of my weimeraner... and I would love to see pics of your pets whenever the mood strikes you.
 
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