3 minute ramble

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Always finding trouble...

Dissapear into the woods, content with the leaves crackling underfoot. I cant remember your name, what is it? Bebe? I always seem to get lost...

Faded away... driving home to Earth, I hope I make it. The road is wide at first but the lanes merge and the road fades from view. Mirage>///>

My mind is flooded with anxieties, jump in my bed. The Harvest moon shines bright. I wish I was lost in a cornfield, with a axe in one hand and a garbage bag in the other, CHOP CHOP. Timber down the 8ft plants fall, chop um um, load um up, hop in the car and jet...

Please allow me to introduce myself, my name is 'huh...what'. The year of the Green Light is upon us... Healing light. Forgod sakes I need to be healed. Than again maybe I am not broken.

Addiction leads to violence and crime... narcotica maddness.

'sigh' Turn the volume up.... its up loud and proud, let the people on the streets here the mysterious lyrics woven into my life. Faith...?

Damn straight I got faith, but is that enough...? I have plenty of time to search my soul, but its striking back at me whipping me into a whirlwind of indesicion.

Change... someday... plain... puke... pick my crumpled body up out of the gutter and open my eye lids and stare back into my pin pricked pupils that are glazed over in a jelly donut haze. You wont see much, but I see alot.

Escape...

Mend my head first, a little of that, some more of that... Pharmacuticals are the american way correct...? I have many absurd points of view but I truthfully dont feel like typing...

Close my door...

WHAT...?

 

[blahblahblah]

Open the door back up...

Well, you're sitting back
In your pink Cadillac
Making bets on Kentucky Derby Day
I'll be in my basement room
With a needle and a spoon
And another girl can take my pain away

Its midafternoon and time to wake up. The kid stares out the window lost in the grey clouds, the pipe lies smoking next to him, and the doubt and pain, got washed away in the shower he didnt take.

Puzzle pieces never seem to fit as I dont play games. So I quit that game at around 13.

Instead...

Down by the lazy river the children did play, dancing in the flames of the bonfire. In the dark the devil moves in and out of all the kids. Some its the coca that you hear being snorted in the brush, speed demons talking my damn ear off. No I dont want any coke. Change the CD.

Backtrack 8 hours

I lay in the grass letting the sun warm my wintered skin, playing my music loud, and drinking beer in the noon hour. I am achey and the sick is comming on. I was clean for 48 hours and even a handfull of Xanax and seroquel couldnt calm me, so I pound beer, letting the Rolling Stones wash over me. Fuck it I make the call...

Yea sorry I didnt return your calls Clint, my heads been spinning lately. Yea, Yea I know I told you 'delete nonsense', Look I dont want to argue I'll do a small trade if YOU want...? Ok Ill be over in 10 minutes. Bedroom, injection, NNNod, 40 mg of Valium down the hatch. Chushy ride home.

Lost time... Wanna go to a party...?

Fastforward 8 hours...

I lay back in the passengers seat and relax and pack a bowl. AAcross the distance I can see 2 girls clearly talking about me, I know one wants my dick, and the other is a hotty herself. God knows the bullshit people babble to them about my life. Ramblings of nitpickers, vain. I ignore there blatent babble, take the evil out. I will score with the one girl when she makes the first move, I have time to wait. Melted glass and fire light sparkling in the eyes of others. Duck um...

The sun pokes on the horizon beautiful sunrise, the fruit trees are blossuming in there white flowers.

Fragmented thinking about a bed and a blanket.

I am worn out, tired, bored, fighting to live, trying to look for positives. So sick of his life. Waking up shaking, fuck this shit... You know what I am saying...

Surviving thru the bad times... I am in a good position but I refuse to function. Fuck work, I havent had a job in fuck 5 years...? I in my late twenties, I could be doing what I want but I dont know what I want, do you? Fall victum to the insanity of addiciton, the streets, my mind... Ha I dont think so.

Slapping booty, blazed that stinky green with a blonde haired beauty, I want her rather than her friend. Life goes on... imagine life in my shoes, you dont wanna, trust me. Its might seem perfect and uncomplicated by the view of my face but the torture I put my insides thru constantly up and down medicate this bitch, just please suck my dick I dont wanna fuck.

Outlaws, let um ride, fast lanes make for old age. I am young at heart young in the mind and hardened with death and destruction.

I need to change... cut my hair, get a job, go back to grad school, I just want to wake up with out drugs on my mind or shit I dont know and dont really care...

She's like a rainbow
Coming colors in the air
Oh, everywhere
She comes in colors

Black Angel death song wont catch me, I am going to drowned my self in alcohol tonite, sound healthy...? Frankly I dont care what it sounds like as long as it sounds good. 2:26pm 1mg of xanax to calm my shaking hands, 3-4 hits of weed, 2mg of bupe, and I think I will crack a beer. FUCK a DUCK

Whatta drag it is getting old... Is this what its a about, finding a girl, producing offspring, and leafy surroundings, big yards, doctor please some more of these...

Some things gotta give I am bent but not broken, elastisity will mend my rubber soul. ahhhhh frosty cold beer.

I should be sitting in Wrigley Field right now, drinking $5 beers and enjoying the Cubs game, (which reminds me I should write a disjointed account of last weeks game I went to, god I am lame, I need some thing productive to do) anyways yes I woke up late and missed the train and said fuck it, I dont really feel like dealing with crowds. Do you care, probably not, because I dont care...

Muddled in my head, I have no self control over drugs
Im cumming clean...
I wanna run...
I am screaming...

Lost in memories of insanity, I believe I am drawn to life on the edge and I have been walking the edge of the blade to long and seen to many good, good, good, friends slip and fall to there death or into a cell. I didnt want it to be like this but it is what it is, you think I would buck up slap myself and ask myself what the fuck are you thinking, trust me it didnt work. Have I not fallen far enough is my brain short circuted, I just really dont know any more...

It twas garbage day last night I should have thrown my self in the recycling bin and be done with it, no better yet thrown myself in the big green trash can and let them take me to the dump, than maybee in a few years some body will use my decomposed body in a mulch around the base of there maryjane plants, that tower and reach for the sunlight... Uhh

This is starting to sound like a bullshit rant of weakness, but remember this is just a story a fable, I could be pearched in my lawn chair on the coast of Maui on my wireless connection making up tales of grandure...

Fuck just gotta a call from my friend and the Cubs game rubbin it in, bastard lol. anyways time for this imaginary tale to end.

Or is it just begining...