nanobrain
Bluelighter
My previous experience with high dose MDMA/MDA combined with low dose (8 mg) 2C-I was fantastic, and barely a week later, I thought was ready for a repeat adventure with 2C-I.
Suffice to say, the previous 2C-I dose did not represent the true potential of this incredible substance. 2C-I is a Medicine of a high order and I was totally unprepared for the sheer power of the psychedelic ass-whooping I was about to receive. It is only a week later that I have integrated the experience sufficiently to be able to write down some of the more pertinent aspects, I tried to redact the fluff.
T 0:00 The crystalline powder was diluted to a 1mg/g concentration in an aqueous vodka solution, which required vigorous shaking to dissolve completely. I drink 12 g of this solution, containing 12 mg active. Then, I make the mistake. I licked the inside of the paper envelope formerly containing the 2C-I, as well as swallowing a couple very small flecks that were noted near the scale.
This made the total ingested, or what I thought I ingested ~18 mg.
T 0:40 First alert to the presence of something in my body, vague, dismissed; laying back listening to Ott’s Blumenkraft, a dub plate par excellence.
T 1:30 Nice peripheral visual effects, somewhat mild, everything is bright, no body feeling at all. Did I underdose? A couple more milligrams, perhaps? - I asked myself. Remembering the slow onset of this drug, thank god, I did not take more.
T 2:00 I am on the beach by the shore, clouds are moving in wavelike fashion in the sky, has the sky always been this blue? Incredible visual brightness, everything is moving, even the patches of sky clear of cloud, sounds of people talking become distorted and somewhat strange, although this does not scare me yet. I put on the headphones and turn up some psytrance.
2:15 The air around me is alive. The clouds and the water are morphing with the colors of the music, seeming to come at me and Open, the movement is pregnant with layers of symbolic Meaning, bursting into new levels of conceptual processing. See. Sea. See. Seek. Sow. See. Sea everything around is me, sea, saw, life into death and back again everything forever preserved in every moment.
The Sun is a burning rainbow glyph in the sky, flashing Energy of pure Knowledge through my every cell, fast, faster, accelerating, I am accelerating, my body is accelerating, there is corresponding time dilation, every second stretching longer. I look at my watch, meaningless hands pointing at melting arabesque numbers, but I know it is around 7 PM. The CD player has long ago stopped playing, but everything vibrating has a resonant sound frequency and the world is a sound or is it a colour?
I realise I am tripping balls, much harder than imagined, and for the first time, question whether I was ready for this. Laughter, not mine, the Observer’s fills everything as the answer is made clear, are you ever ready? And did someone, or was it You, say they wanted to take More?
I open my eyes in panic and realise they were open. There is a Presence, it is strong and fills Everything. Cosmic concepts and the shifts in frames of reference which come faster and faster are accompanied by a dark Shadow moving on the edges of the visual field.
I realise I have to get off the beach and back home before it is too late. The Fear comes as a shaking from my very core, I breathe in deeply and hold it at bay; stumble off the beach, everything swirling, motion uncoordinated at first, then becoming synched.
Perfectly synched, it seems to me, although while the still world around me moved too fast, the people seemed to move waay too slow, speaking in strange vocal form projections seeming to have some meaning relevant to me. Conversation would have been utterly impossible. Unknown how, but I make it back home holding on to residual memory of its spatio-temporal location, the 100 meters of forever in timestretch.
I bump into my elderly neighbour who reflects worry at my state which I feel coming off him in waves, manage to mumble something senseless and tumble inside after a weird battle with the foreign configuration of an unlocked door.
T 3:30 I am back in the house, which is thankfully empty as I am completely and utterly fucked. The walls are waving and breathing like on mushrooms but with more symbolic processing. I fall on the giant floor pillows and look at the map of the world on the white wall. The wall is not white, and the continents are moving, it seems the Mercator projection is in gross error, the continents are melting off the map, they don’t want to be in this artificially flat plane. The map is marked in red in spots where we have been, I see this now as some sort of an I-ego related cancer, spreading myself across the world, infecting, toxifying.
I lurch up off the pillows and stumble to the bathroom. Electricity is strong, I seem to throw off energy as I move leaving visual tracers, each “snap” a whole reality. I retch over the toilet which swims in and out of focus, bathrooms are always fucking psychedelic. Nothing comes up, the vomiting is reflexive and deeply symbolic. I am toxified.
The toxicity is deep in me but it is not the drug, it is not the 2C-I. The Medicine is pure, the host vessel is not. This is manifestation of the long-term, chronic, systematic poisoning of the body and mind forced to function in a high-stress environment. The suppressed, unprocessed bad karma, anger, fear, everything that has led me to This Place in Reality where I am a human, one of God’s creations, one who poisons himself with daily marijuana and tobacco smoke, alcohol, MDxA type pseudo-psychedelics which are abused viewed in this incredibly clear light, the treacherous benzos, the improper nutritional supplementation of the Body, all the goods.
HOW DARE YOU? This is a voice from within, spoken so loud it shakes me, and I projectile vomit the contents of my stomach, watery acidic technocolor psychedelic yawn, I am crying.
HOW THE FUCK DARE YOU VIOLATE THE HOLY?
My god, I did not ask for this, but I have little choice in the matter. Resistance is not an option - this Medicine is very strong. Usual refuge to calm things, I make it to the kitchen and reach for the bong, manage to pack the alien-looking matter into the bowl, light in tracers, inhale.
As the smoke works its way into my system, the situation becomes clearer yet. There is no ego loss, it is the reverse, I feel everything intensely magnified and charged. Every bad thing I have ever done to myself and others is presented for simultaneous inspection and karmic-emotional evaluation.
I vomit again, dry heaves, profuse sweating starts, feels my dry clothes are made of liquid, I fall back on the pillows in the living room, exhausted, I know I am going to live.
T 5:30 The Medicine is working strongly through my body. Years of chronic toxicity are analysed and washed away accompanied by intense emotional discharge and freed-up energy. The feeling of release is Euphoria on a cellular level, the Body shines with the force of Life. Hallucinations still present, timestretch now less but the trip is strong.
Tomorrow is a Monday, for Christs sake, and I knew there was no possibility of rest for many hours to come. I take 2 mg alprazolam, knowing this is wrong, and realising an hour later it is as effective as putting a bandaid on a corpse. I lay back again and try to release.
T 8:00 The Soulmate returns home, by this time I am in defragmentation mode, cleaning up the wrecked house, processing the Core Knowledge, she kisses me with radiance of love and I laugh, deeply, and cry, and she knows something major has changed, and I know how I have wronged this beautiful Soul in many ways and I feel wretched and know things will never be the same again. Can this lucidity persist? Conversation is still futile. No desire for alcohol or pot at all, severe anorexia.
T 10:00 Try eating, nothing will stay down except water with occasional teaspoon of antacid to try to reduce acidity. In bed, thinking of people like Shulgin and Stolaroff, wondering at the wonder, saying god damn every once in a while with emphasis.
T 14:00 1 mg alprazolam enables sleep after a 4 hour long conversation with my Soulmate on long avoided issues resulting in much resolution.
T One week later. In retrospect it seems the effects on me were in the range of what literature describes as a 30+ mg dose. It may have been a measuring error or specific sensitivity, I do not know, but that is irrelevant.
The subjective comparative strength was close enough, in my somewhat limited 20-year experience with psychedelics, to 500 mikes of LSD, no ego loss but rather expansion. The subsequent revelations and changed outlook from this experience are longer lasting than has been for me from any substance so far. The conclusion is that this may have been my most meaningful psychedelic experience yet.
2C-I has forced me to reconsider many aspects of my life, including its primary purpose and my undertaken direction, as well as my careless use of such powerful Sacraments. I feel cleansed and have renewed appreciation for Creation and a new understanding of balance. This has been noted by those in my surrounds.
BTW, I went to work next day and it was a great Monday.
This is in no way meant to be condoning or evangelical, just my experience - which i guess you figured out was far from recreational.
I am trying to make the changes permanent, although I haven’t thrown away the stash yet. Habituated synaptic pathways and associated opioid system rewards are ingrained, wide and easily activated.
I believe in mind over matter and it is hard going.
Respect.
Suffice to say, the previous 2C-I dose did not represent the true potential of this incredible substance. 2C-I is a Medicine of a high order and I was totally unprepared for the sheer power of the psychedelic ass-whooping I was about to receive. It is only a week later that I have integrated the experience sufficiently to be able to write down some of the more pertinent aspects, I tried to redact the fluff.
T 0:00 The crystalline powder was diluted to a 1mg/g concentration in an aqueous vodka solution, which required vigorous shaking to dissolve completely. I drink 12 g of this solution, containing 12 mg active. Then, I make the mistake. I licked the inside of the paper envelope formerly containing the 2C-I, as well as swallowing a couple very small flecks that were noted near the scale.
This made the total ingested, or what I thought I ingested ~18 mg.
T 0:40 First alert to the presence of something in my body, vague, dismissed; laying back listening to Ott’s Blumenkraft, a dub plate par excellence.
T 1:30 Nice peripheral visual effects, somewhat mild, everything is bright, no body feeling at all. Did I underdose? A couple more milligrams, perhaps? - I asked myself. Remembering the slow onset of this drug, thank god, I did not take more.
T 2:00 I am on the beach by the shore, clouds are moving in wavelike fashion in the sky, has the sky always been this blue? Incredible visual brightness, everything is moving, even the patches of sky clear of cloud, sounds of people talking become distorted and somewhat strange, although this does not scare me yet. I put on the headphones and turn up some psytrance.
2:15 The air around me is alive. The clouds and the water are morphing with the colors of the music, seeming to come at me and Open, the movement is pregnant with layers of symbolic Meaning, bursting into new levels of conceptual processing. See. Sea. See. Seek. Sow. See. Sea everything around is me, sea, saw, life into death and back again everything forever preserved in every moment.
The Sun is a burning rainbow glyph in the sky, flashing Energy of pure Knowledge through my every cell, fast, faster, accelerating, I am accelerating, my body is accelerating, there is corresponding time dilation, every second stretching longer. I look at my watch, meaningless hands pointing at melting arabesque numbers, but I know it is around 7 PM. The CD player has long ago stopped playing, but everything vibrating has a resonant sound frequency and the world is a sound or is it a colour?
I realise I am tripping balls, much harder than imagined, and for the first time, question whether I was ready for this. Laughter, not mine, the Observer’s fills everything as the answer is made clear, are you ever ready? And did someone, or was it You, say they wanted to take More?
I open my eyes in panic and realise they were open. There is a Presence, it is strong and fills Everything. Cosmic concepts and the shifts in frames of reference which come faster and faster are accompanied by a dark Shadow moving on the edges of the visual field.
I realise I have to get off the beach and back home before it is too late. The Fear comes as a shaking from my very core, I breathe in deeply and hold it at bay; stumble off the beach, everything swirling, motion uncoordinated at first, then becoming synched.
Perfectly synched, it seems to me, although while the still world around me moved too fast, the people seemed to move waay too slow, speaking in strange vocal form projections seeming to have some meaning relevant to me. Conversation would have been utterly impossible. Unknown how, but I make it back home holding on to residual memory of its spatio-temporal location, the 100 meters of forever in timestretch.
I bump into my elderly neighbour who reflects worry at my state which I feel coming off him in waves, manage to mumble something senseless and tumble inside after a weird battle with the foreign configuration of an unlocked door.
T 3:30 I am back in the house, which is thankfully empty as I am completely and utterly fucked. The walls are waving and breathing like on mushrooms but with more symbolic processing. I fall on the giant floor pillows and look at the map of the world on the white wall. The wall is not white, and the continents are moving, it seems the Mercator projection is in gross error, the continents are melting off the map, they don’t want to be in this artificially flat plane. The map is marked in red in spots where we have been, I see this now as some sort of an I-ego related cancer, spreading myself across the world, infecting, toxifying.
I lurch up off the pillows and stumble to the bathroom. Electricity is strong, I seem to throw off energy as I move leaving visual tracers, each “snap” a whole reality. I retch over the toilet which swims in and out of focus, bathrooms are always fucking psychedelic. Nothing comes up, the vomiting is reflexive and deeply symbolic. I am toxified.
The toxicity is deep in me but it is not the drug, it is not the 2C-I. The Medicine is pure, the host vessel is not. This is manifestation of the long-term, chronic, systematic poisoning of the body and mind forced to function in a high-stress environment. The suppressed, unprocessed bad karma, anger, fear, everything that has led me to This Place in Reality where I am a human, one of God’s creations, one who poisons himself with daily marijuana and tobacco smoke, alcohol, MDxA type pseudo-psychedelics which are abused viewed in this incredibly clear light, the treacherous benzos, the improper nutritional supplementation of the Body, all the goods.
HOW DARE YOU? This is a voice from within, spoken so loud it shakes me, and I projectile vomit the contents of my stomach, watery acidic technocolor psychedelic yawn, I am crying.
HOW THE FUCK DARE YOU VIOLATE THE HOLY?
My god, I did not ask for this, but I have little choice in the matter. Resistance is not an option - this Medicine is very strong. Usual refuge to calm things, I make it to the kitchen and reach for the bong, manage to pack the alien-looking matter into the bowl, light in tracers, inhale.
As the smoke works its way into my system, the situation becomes clearer yet. There is no ego loss, it is the reverse, I feel everything intensely magnified and charged. Every bad thing I have ever done to myself and others is presented for simultaneous inspection and karmic-emotional evaluation.
I vomit again, dry heaves, profuse sweating starts, feels my dry clothes are made of liquid, I fall back on the pillows in the living room, exhausted, I know I am going to live.
T 5:30 The Medicine is working strongly through my body. Years of chronic toxicity are analysed and washed away accompanied by intense emotional discharge and freed-up energy. The feeling of release is Euphoria on a cellular level, the Body shines with the force of Life. Hallucinations still present, timestretch now less but the trip is strong.
Tomorrow is a Monday, for Christs sake, and I knew there was no possibility of rest for many hours to come. I take 2 mg alprazolam, knowing this is wrong, and realising an hour later it is as effective as putting a bandaid on a corpse. I lay back again and try to release.
T 8:00 The Soulmate returns home, by this time I am in defragmentation mode, cleaning up the wrecked house, processing the Core Knowledge, she kisses me with radiance of love and I laugh, deeply, and cry, and she knows something major has changed, and I know how I have wronged this beautiful Soul in many ways and I feel wretched and know things will never be the same again. Can this lucidity persist? Conversation is still futile. No desire for alcohol or pot at all, severe anorexia.
T 10:00 Try eating, nothing will stay down except water with occasional teaspoon of antacid to try to reduce acidity. In bed, thinking of people like Shulgin and Stolaroff, wondering at the wonder, saying god damn every once in a while with emphasis.
T 14:00 1 mg alprazolam enables sleep after a 4 hour long conversation with my Soulmate on long avoided issues resulting in much resolution.
T One week later. In retrospect it seems the effects on me were in the range of what literature describes as a 30+ mg dose. It may have been a measuring error or specific sensitivity, I do not know, but that is irrelevant.
The subjective comparative strength was close enough, in my somewhat limited 20-year experience with psychedelics, to 500 mikes of LSD, no ego loss but rather expansion. The subsequent revelations and changed outlook from this experience are longer lasting than has been for me from any substance so far. The conclusion is that this may have been my most meaningful psychedelic experience yet.
2C-I has forced me to reconsider many aspects of my life, including its primary purpose and my undertaken direction, as well as my careless use of such powerful Sacraments. I feel cleansed and have renewed appreciation for Creation and a new understanding of balance. This has been noted by those in my surrounds.
BTW, I went to work next day and it was a great Monday.
This is in no way meant to be condoning or evangelical, just my experience - which i guess you figured out was far from recreational.
I am trying to make the changes permanent, although I haven’t thrown away the stash yet. Habituated synaptic pathways and associated opioid system rewards are ingrained, wide and easily activated.
I believe in mind over matter and it is hard going.
Respect.
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