27.5 days clean, need support, and ideas! Thanks! NO SLEEP

Sorry it's taken so long. Another friend has been taken by opiates. The funeral home was right behind my house. That walk to and from that funeral was sobering for lack of better words. You are right my friend, relapse is part of recovery but now I am more than motivated to eliminate that step. Your words have helped me so much here. All of you, but I must agree - again, addiction is a disease but sobriety is a choice. Thank you all from the bottom of my beaten soul.

Heather
 
From the bottom of my heart - Thank you. Props on cigs man!!!

<img src="http://www.bluelight.org/i/pi/24.gif" border="0" alt="" title="heart" smilieid="16" class="inlineimg"><gs id="4f603625-7bb7-452c-80f4-60bfdb5bdef9" ginger_software_uiphraseguid="89e09ed7-9842-4a7a-8296-fb57e0ce4b5a" class="GINGER_SOFTWARE_mark">Cigs</gs> were so gross to me when I was in my first week. If you can quit during the first 2 weeks I give you props. That is so hard, detoxing off of both. Once I detoxed off of pills in ten years of on and off again crap and it was torture doing both opiates cold turkey, xanax, and <gs id="462f2798-b586-4b7c-8e81-e3dcf1496e71" ginger_software_uiphraseguid="7c71fcbe-a3ba-44e0-b45f-a9d411cbf9f6" class="GINGER_SOFTWARE_mark">cigs</gs>. This time - subs have topped all detoxing all together. I'm so glad you say working out is major because it's so hard. It induces holding onto water, I stay away from salt - I am so bloated but pushing through. Today I sneezed so many times, and I'm having a huge detox day for some reason? So late in the process? Why the chills, sneezing, no fever, no cold, just tired and cannot sleep. I want so bad to just pound a few sleeping pills, some subs, xanax, <gs id="11b1155c-8b28-4cc7-9e1b-0a2ddfaaac24" ginger_software_uiphraseguid="f2077c52-2797-490a-bd97-88672e0c1e56" class="GINGER_SOFTWARE_mark">pot</gs>, and a ton of anything I can get my hands on but I just keep walking the house. You're so right about summer, if only I got fed up in the summer and didn't let it become negative degrees outside I think my happiness and workout regimen would be 50% easier. As if anything is easy. I had a good 10 days and now today I feel like I'm at the butt end of my first week. It's subsiding with food, hot drinks, and you guys. Thank you for continuing to come back - <gs id="740bee9a-7a6a-4abd-bbb1-ceaa697ad5c5" ginger_software_uiphraseguid="94cae5eb-8945-4008-8744-a4927741a6f9" class="GINGER_SOFTWARE_mark">your</gs> all I have to hold onto guys. Also, I'd like to say I swore too much, and had to many capital letters one <gs id="34ac6ad3-7435-473b-8582-058815091514" ginger_software_uiphraseguid="f7e2b9a0-1c3b-4873-8f99-00c8930a7070" class="GINGER_SOFTWARE_mark">bad bad</gs> night and my post didn't go through. It was when my good friend died so <gs id="9dac58a9-1ec5-4425-9036-9d5f74970442" ginger_software_uiphraseguid="c6b92448-c997-4283-bf0f-83c6b535dd69" class="GINGER_SOFTWARE_mark">pls</gs> don't think I've abandoned this post. Much love, respect to <gs id="29e5b198-b119-4f0e-845a-1c506e755253" ginger_software_uiphraseguid="7f68ae98-c64f-4ed9-a11c-218a1596c3bd" class="GINGER_SOFTWARE_mark">u</gs> all - sober or not - we are in this epidemic together. <br>
<br>
Respect and Love,<br>
<br>
Heather H from Detroit aka Poligurl
 
I've been meaning to thank you. Between funeral that opened my eyes more and detox it's been hard. Plus I had some angry, sad post deleted (justifiably) just mad at life... Thank you so much for posting these links. Please keep sharing your detox stories - they are keeping me clean. I'm over 30 days and today I've started the chills, and sneezing suddenly. Do you think it is the working out? The years of sticky suboxone built up in my system beginning again to leave my body (key word again...)? Help, bad day. How are you guys?
 
I have no idea why this posted this way? Glitch? Bummer too, I put a lot into that reply. Ginger software (text editor maybe?) but I've never, ever seen this. Point is, I'm still doing this - even though all I want to do is desperately take some suboxone and go to sleep. I've kept my stash of 20 of them, 8mg strips to know in my deepest depths of my soul that I'm doing this for me and I have a choice to ruin this sobriety.

I love you all for the support. Eternally indebted to you. I have zero family and friends that would be so honest.

Is there a group fighting this opiate epidemic that I can post to my fb? I want to be honest with the thousands of people that hide behind their addictions. I want to help them, show them it's ok to publicly (on a forum where people know them), will either accept them or not. I did, and received very little support. This is so taboo, why so taboo to admit a problem that I, and doctors induced/inflicted. I am responsible, not docs - but that's where it started when I got into a car accident.

Love and respect to all addicted, and sober - as always,

Heather H
Detroit Detoxin
 
I jumped off at .25mg and still feel like shit.
I can empathize with how you feel not sleeping. I think that s the biggest trigger for me because even before pain, insomnia was my biggest problem and opiates and benzo's would allow me to sleep most of the day, and I loved that. It did interfere with my life but still nothing better in the world than waking up and taking a handful of pills and laying back down.
Today I got 3 hours of sleep and probably laid in bed for the same time trying to fall back asleep and could only think about pills. Better than regretful thoughts, but not by much.
Awesome job poligurl!

I am sleeping 8 hours! But what happened when that started? Chills, sneezing 8-10 times, and a huge relapse temptation. I worked out. My pipes burst it's so cold here so no hot showers at home. I have to truck it in the snow to a lovely friends 38.624 days clean and I'm determined. WHY is this lasting so long. I want my chemicals back, the ones that make me happy. The ones that make me connect with humans. I am so blank in this stage. I feel wiped new, but without the good parts of my dome!! Did you feel that way?
 
it takes a long time before that stuff subsides... no matter what addiction you're trying to break.
my cravings/lack of pleasure from daily activities didnt stop for at least 4 or 5 months after i stopped online gambling last year
and my addiction to adderall took even longer, altho that was exacerbated by my mental illness

Just checking on you. Are you doing good? 4 or 5 months? Wow, lord help me. Whoever you are. Maybe I'll start NA.

You are a superhuman, and an inspiration. Please keep me updated. Much love and respect.

Truly,

Heather H
 
Sounds 100% Normal to me! You are going through the good ole PAWS! .....
Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome...... this is different then the initial withdrawals! This lasts MUCH Longer! Reports of PAWS in users have been present for up to a YEAR! 12 Months! 365 DAYS!
A Year of Depression, Chills, Sneezes, Mood-Swings, Body Aches, Suicidal Thoughts, Un-Happiness, Lack of Sleep and much more.....We have been feeding our body drugs for years.....it's going to take a while for our body to recover and rejuvenate!
At 90 Days Sober from Heroine I was still going through intense withdrawals.....everything I listed above and leg pains that were out of this world! This led me to relapse

..the lack of sleep made me suffer the most.....without sleep the body is not functioning right....my depression was elevated....and I just wanted to sleep 8 hours for at least ONE night.....after 90 days completely sober I was getting about 1-3 hours of sleep MAX......I couldn't handle it...I wanted instant gratification since I was sober for 3 months! I relapsed on Vicodin to reduce my leg pains enough to sleep and to calm my thoughts and nerve enough to relax....Wasn't too long after that I was back on Heroin....

don't worry research PAWS! you are not alone! I still don't feel 100% today....and other addicts in recovery tell me I will never reach 100% ... like I was before I started using.....Drugs are one hell of a ride!

BTW Constipated = Any Opiates...When I was using heroin I wouldn't shit for weeks.....literally....and with suboxone the same.....The longer I used any type of opiates or anything acting on the opiod receptors such as Subs...was the longer I became constipated and I am talking no #2 for 10+ Days.....To the point where I lost track..."did i shit this week? I don't know I feel fine oh well!"

This elped so much. To hear I can/have to stay mentally strong far past the first 30 days (is "normal") helps
  1. implausibly ! Thank you a million times over! Hits hard when you say the body isn't working right without sleep. How can I keep going when I sleep 8 hours one night at 30+ days, and then zero for a week again? Answer=people like you! No one out here does anything but
  2. judge me.

  3. Love and respect, always!
Truly,

Heather

!
 
Poligurl, I'm hanging in there too. Keep doing this girl, you got it!! I'm gonna send you a private message with my Facebook name. I am a member of a pretty large group on there that's awesome and would love for you to share there as well!! ❤️?
 
I am sleeping 8 hours! But what happened when that started? Chills, sneezing 8-10 times, and a huge relapse temptation. I worked out. My pipes burst it's so cold here so no hot showers at home. I have to truck it in the snow to a lovely friends 38.624 days clean and I'm determined. WHY is this lasting so long. I want my chemicals back, the ones that make me happy. The ones that make me connect with humans. I am so blank in this stage. I feel wiped new, but without the good parts of my dome!! Did you feel that way?

I'm having problems with motivation, lethargy, productivity and being social. When I get outside I feel very good, it's getting to that point that is a problem. I don't feel a fried as I did in the beginning and am starting to get in gear. I had the advantage to take some serious time off of work. I have been trying to quit for many years and this time I wanted to be successful.

For me work is the biggest trigger in that I can be a very functional user, and become a workaholic, take on way too much responsibility, then use to cope with the stress. Did that many times and would always lose control. So I socked away almost all the money I made last year to take time to recover. I didn't get in this mess in a few weeks or a month, so I figured take some months to get myself right. Which was necessary.

I'm now at the longest stretch of sobriety in my life and am learning to cope/sleep/live naturally. I have never felt so capable and good, but am still having the above mentioned issues.
I give people who do this, and are successful while working/raising a family all the credit in the world because I couldn't do it. So many strong great people on this site and they have been the biggest help for me.

Hope everything is going well for you and hope your pipes stay flowing until spring:)
 
poligurl,

Congrats on your success so far! It's inspired me. I'm currently on 1mg of suboxone, still trying to decide if I should taper down to .5 or even .25, or of I should just make the jump. I got clean once before and remained that way for a couple years and I can tell you that you WILL feel better and that PAWS and lingering WD symptoms gradually fade as the months pass. The length of time it takes obviously depends on the individual. One of the most important things you can do after you've healed sufficiently, I think, is to try and address psychological issues that lead to drug use to begin with. This is where I failed the first time around and eventually relapsed. This time around my addiction has been much harder to deal with. I have faith in you though, you'll beat this. One thing that helps me is to think of the days I've been clean as "banked" clean time. If you use, all those banked days are wasted and you gotta start all over again! Hope you're well, good luck :)

PS are you still getting hives? that's a bit strange and don't think I've ever heard of that being caused by withdrawal. Sometimes my skin gets very flushed if I'm dopesick and my skin looks patchy and red, comes and goes, but its not hives. Do yours itch? Somebody please correct me if I'm wrong but that's not usually a symptom of opiate withdrawal, might be wise to get it checked out just incase?
 
Hey...I have to tell you something that has really changed the recovery game for me.....power of your mind. Hives are from stress...mental stress. If you can begin by telling yourself they will go away, fake believing at first and with continued positive self talk you will truly begin believing they are brought on by mental stress and you can think through them. Sounds silly....some say no way that's too simple. However, if it was simple everyone would agree because they would have conquered it themselves. The power of the mind is everything!! I was snorting/smoking pure white powdered fentanyl for 7 years never missed a day...not one day! I believed I could be a father, have a successful career and relationship...and get high every day...I believed it in my mind and I did it! On January 19th of this year I was sick of it! I made a choice on my own (well my very spirit was tired!) to quit. It was a choice that I realized I get to make!!! Same goes for sobriety and withdrawal symptoms. The movie The Secret (or book or audio) is very accurate. Also all natural supps are essential! The following helped with all symptoms: Melatonin (will truly put you to sleep more importantly KEEP you asleep without drowsiness!! L-tyrosine (produces dopamine which is motivation and mental energy) Passionflower (relieved physical stress and anxiety) copper, B complex, 5 HTP, and WATER WATER WATER!!! more water than you think you need! Also....I've gotten 4 other people off opiates with this program! No benzos, no subs...no meds from the doc!! I will promise you this....all of this will help but most importantly you must Absolutly believe!!
 
Poli you are doing amazing i am only at two weeks but was having a really bad day today with cravings.
So i am surfing threads to help me fight thru today i am sure i will not get high but i was very scared earlier.
I look forward to your updates
 
Honestly though, after 3 months - do you still get random chills and sneeze? Do you sleep weird? Waking up with crazy dreams, dreams of drugs?

I do get random chills while sweating and sneezing fits however they only last a short time and they're not crazy uncomfortable, thank goodness. I still don't sleep the greatest. Usually 2-3 hours then wake up for 20 then able to go back to sleep. As far as using dreams, just 1 VERY real one. To the point when I woke up I checked my arms to make sure I hadn't relapsed and nodded out. It was that real. Most days really are doable. Even the urges aren't as bad because it's not accompanied by being physically sick. Today is 115 days. 5 more days til I have 4 months!! Thanks to my network, NA/AA and this page I'm gonna continue to do this thing, just for today!!
 
Stick with it you are doing great and right where you need to be at this time, the sleeping does get better, it all gets better with time, just work through a day at a time and expect to have bad days, it's part of it.
 
Well, I am on 57 days clean and I am having issues only sometimes sleeping. I get random chills, and I need more deodorant than usual. The brain chemistry CAN still be felt. I tell myself "this isn't real," when all I do is cry, or get angry for no reason.

Other than that - I must say thank you for the support. I'm out of the woods, but it'll be years before I forget the smell, taste, and feeling of opiates. You've all been great and I plan on checking in to help others the way you have me! Thank you a million times over - all of you!!!!!!!!!!
 
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