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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

24 year old addict in serach of advice

I got up. Took my deplin and my Wellbutrin just now. I stopped the tranxene to see if that is masking the effects of the welbutrin. I'm having fits where my brain says I need a Lortab. I get crying spells. Trying to walk in the sun. Nothing sounds appealing.
 
Congrats on giving it to your parents! That is huge. I have not been where you are, so I can only give you encouragement and tell you to hang in there!
 
Right now I am wanting the tabs again. This sucks so bad. I tried working out, taking my meds, taking tranxene, lieing down, going into the sun, and now still it's tabs all that I can think of.
 
I am at the same place you are, just add twenty years to your age. If I can handle the WD, so can you. I did it at home, and am at the same day of WD as you are. We need to support each other. I promise you that it will NOT be easier twenty years from now, divorced with several young children, and a medical career at risk of being lost. You need to man up now. Yes, I feel your pain. Yes, my mind is mush and my legs are jumping out of my skin too. But this cannot be as bad as losing a wife, your future children and your future job. Do NOT wait 20 more years. Finish this now.
 
I'm very sorry your in that position. I'm trying my best to avoid that and I hope you can rebuild your life. I don't know how to deal with these thoughts. I've done everything people tell me to do. Exercise, walk outside, ect. Nothing's taking the pain and the voice in my head saying take this 1 single pill to say goodbye. I know 1 is too many 1000 is never enough but I am fighting with my inner self to take/not take a pill. Keep pluging along because we need people who have gone through or currently going through to support each other.
 
Don't think about tomorrow, think about today. Think about staying completely sober for today, then when you wake up tomorrow, think about staying sober for tomorrow.

The thoughts I agree, are overwhelming and all-consuming. It feels like your life will never improve. It feels like that want, that NEED, that depression, those mental rollercoasters, that anger, that pain, will never go away. But they do. You just need more time sober. It gets easier in a way, just as hard in others. You'll know what I mean when the time comes. I am 23 days sober. I would be 51 days but I had a pretty big slip up at 28. I still have my really bad fucking days. Some days are are ok though and I only think about it 75% of my day not 100%.. haha!

I was still in love with my addiction until very recently.. starting to grow some resentment which is great in my eyes.. no longer loving the drugs and the alcohol as much. No longer fantasizing about use as much. I still am a ton but not as much.

But don't use mine or any other addicts recovery as a guideline for your own. Everyone's situation is different and everyone's recovery will be different. Trust your gut and keep holding on.

Well done on picking up then giving it away. That takes a lot of willpower. I could never do that. I'm impressed.
 
tham, I hope you're doing better now. This is why detoxes didn't help me so much either. As soon as I got out, I was jumping out of my skin to get another pill. People in detox with me were going on to rehabs, while I was going home. If you are still feeling like you want your medicine, maybe check into going to an NA meeting. You need this recovery and seem dangerously close to relapsing. Be strong, don't give in to the cravings! We're here for you too. <3
 
I have lost 10 lbs in the last 2 weeks since starting this. Last night wasn't any better. In fact I had the worst rls. What happens when someone relapses? Does the cycle start from day 1 and wd starts over?
 
And also I'm sorry for being short but I'm hanging by a thread. Your shared experiences bring some comfort and some concern. But I wanted to thank you for the time you took to write on this thread to help and encourage me.
 
I'm right there with you boss. I've been addicted to norcos (same as lortabs) for the last several years. Although, while I am most definitely an addict, I can detox for a solid month to six months at a time before I jump back. Nonetheless this gives me a tremendous amount of experience with hydrocodone withdrawals. Based on what you have told me, you have some clonidine, adderral, Xanax and pot? For me, adderral helps (I never take more than 10mgs a day). It gives me the "pep" I wouldn't have in just regular WD. Plus, my insomnia is my worst symptom so it precludes me from being a zombie and totally useless. The Xanax you should use when the anxiety gets pretty rowdy but use it as needed. Not to get fucked up. Clonidine is just good to take when you wake up and every 8 hrs. It keeps the anxiety at bay and helps calm you down. If you haven't been smoking, I would avoid the pot, it might just make you panic into taking more opiates. With hydrocodone, the WDs seem to last a solid three days. After the third day, I feel like your body begins to feel normal again. Never kick your habit when you have things like finals or work deadlines. You need to find a solid two weeks off and get your Netflix ready. This may sound somewhat cliche but the withdrawal is really in your head. If you let it drive you mad, you will go nuts. Try and keep your mind active and busy. I look at it like its a cold, and that if I can kick opiates. Theres really nothing I can't do...
 
Thanks leezy and never sick. I'm fighting damn hard. At 2 it will be day 6 from my last sub dose which was a rapid detox so I'm not sure if anything is left in me but I've certainly felt withdrawal so I would think not much. Also I'm so small 124 at the time of dose and now 114. So I think things exit my system much quicker. Any ideas on this. Yeah last time I smoked was trying to go through wd and went into a huge panic attack which is a shame since it was my favorite of all drugs until opiates and I've tried most of the common illicit drugs except meth, heroin. Wish I would had just kept smoking and not this shit. I appreciate the comments on what has helped you. I've been taking tranxene but I'm trying to stay away from it today to see how I do. The thoughts drive me insane!
 
This is your decision and I'm not advocating this in place of a dr.. but I used ritalin through my withdrawals and received benefits from it.. but I think it may go either way.. could increase anxiety and restlessness (not rls)... remember the physical addiction pushes really hard at the end.. it gets SCARED because its about to die and it knows it:).. your doing great keep at it.. you can do this.. you are doing this!!!

EDIT: adderall definitely has a chance of increasing the rls as well as other symptoms.
 
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Thin about this way.. look at how far you have come, there isn't anything back there for you, and you dont need to go back to figure that out. You are doing great... if you go back you will just be as miserable as you were when you decided to make this jump.. if you go back you will just have to plod through all the muck you have already made it through.. switch your thinking get off this it sucks so bad, flip it to i cant wait until i'm done with this little shit and am free.. you are doing great.. you love video games right.. man plug yourself into a game.. anything to get your mind off how you feel. sitting around and feeling sorry for ourselves and focussing on how we feel is the worst way to withdraw.. you have to find something to divert you attention.. have you tried the mindfulness, video games, go for a walk.. and yeah i know you fell like shit.. literally when i came off a huge habit i never slowed down, well in truth i slowed way down but I made sure i had shit going on the whole time, I went to a huge water park, yeah the hot cold shit8( takes on a whole new meaning when you go from 98 degrees to cold water8o, went to a pro football and baseball game, went fishing, went on walks even mowed the god damn lawn.. get up and do somethings anything.. and I came off a huge habit so dont even think that i didn't feel every bit as bad as you are...

HANG IN THERE tham!!!!!!!!!! your doing great, smile, cause it better to laugh than it is to cry, also take comfort tin the fact that if your addiction is making you this miserable the it must be in hell.. you got this tham.. scream at the top of your lungs.. tell it your here to kill it and are in for the duration.. the harder it pushes the harder your resolve will be.. fight fight fight.. it cant break you it cant hurt you its just pulling your strings to try and get you to use.. your not a puppet so let it know that you already made the decision NO MATTER WHAT IM NOT BACKING DOWN.. go go go tham<3<3:!:!<3<3
 
Heres what i've been doing. I've exercised on the treadmill 3 times today about a quarter mile or a little more. I've taken b12, welbutrin 100 mg sr, deplin today. No benzos. What i'm finding hard is that my whole life wether it was gaming or listening to music involved my love of taking a handful pills and enjoying that game, movie, or music. No matter what I do it's like I'm missing a huge part by not having my pills to go along with it. Neversick can you tell me a little about you? What happened in your situation and how did you get better? Is life really better without than with? Are you happy? Ive been constantly trying to stay active and not lieing in bed. Only lieing down at night to sleep. I have been extremely agitated being around people. Talking is aggravating me. I don't want this and know people are just trying to help make my life normal. Again anything I do was related to drugs so how do I break away from that? Tomorrow is 1 week for me at 2 oclock from my last dose of opiates. If I could get these thoughts that seem to be every second of every minute out of my head I would be okay. I'm sorry if i've repeated myself through these posts but I am just speaking what I feel at the current moment and don't know every single things that i've typed in the past.
 
Hey tham I was thinking about the adderall and rls and it could definitely increase the rls and strenuous exercise can do the same.. strenuous exercise is better saved for PAWS..

Yes life is definitely better without an active addiction.. without a doubt. I Feel better 99% of the time than i did 100% of the time back then.. even when I was lit to the gills.

I am really happy=D

The who am i and how i got better is a long answer and i will get t o it but i cant tonight. But to give a little validity to my opinions on life better with or with out drugs I was a hard poly drug user for decades. (out of all the drugs I never abused X, meth, ketamine, but hit almost all the others hard) I was a junkie (strait coke, H, and speed balls for a long time and was a full blown addict for years and years). I was also on xanax for decades.. when i detoxed I came off 150mgpd methadone, 260mgpd roxy, 6mgpd xanax, and 40mgpd methylphenidate.. and those where only the ones I was RX'd, i did the detox on my own with the help of clonidine, lamictal, and testosterone.. and yes without a sliver of a doubt i'm happier than i've ever been in my life<3 The key to happiness is in perception, what do drugs do afterall, they dont change the world, just the way we percieve it. In reality we choose how we percieve it and thus how it is;)

Your doing great tham<3<3<3
 
Yeah I'm guessing ill hold out on that then.

All I can say is wow... Way to go. You have more guts than I would ever have. I am glad you got your life back. Although I've experimented with many of the drugs except h and ketamine I never had one hit me just right until Vicodin.

The weird thing is is they I had an emergency appendectomy when I was 10ish and I remember the iv morphine like it was yesterday. Luckily I was too young to have access to it and they moved me to tabs and off and that was that. Although I think it had a profound impact when I tried hydrocodone when I was in highschool it was like this is what I like.

What did the testosterone and the other drug you used do? Do you think after 7 years of opiate use testosterone would help me? If so I have a doc willing to give me a little. I've never had any but am reading a bit about how it can help a little. What are your experiences with it?

Also what made you change?
 
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