I'm shocked to know that you're almost a year older than me. Wow man. Guess those nine months or so were the barrier between extreme rightism and mild leftism.
And here, I thought you were 16-18 or so, cause I haven't held views like yours since my (what I personally view as) ignorant teenage years.
Now I'm curious to know what drugs (if any) we all consume in here.
I didn't start having the questions that I have had that have led me to where I am now until I was about 25. I was much less "racist" than others growing up, and still don't hold hatred for others...I just have in-group preference/favoritism, and I can't lie about it. I started to question if there might be innate differences, that effect how we are- that effect personality, and social interaction, when-around I turned 25, and had moved to a city that was around 30% black. I was actually vehemently "anti-racist" when I moved here, going to my then-girlfriend, stressed, that every day I had to go to work and hear people talk about blacks in very hateful ways. And joke, hitting the top of a work-truck we were in, startling me/others, one would say "killed a nigger". It made me uncomfortable, being there, all the time. I wanted to quit, but it was a job that I needed to keep for a time.
But one day, my girlfriend and I were out, and I was just curious in thought- the same thoughts that would bring me to question things about race- what some people call "race realism"- ideas of which I've resonated with since. I asked her what she thought about the differences between blacks and whites. I never said necessarily "better or worse" in my questioning, only differences, and if I would have said better or worse, they would only be "worse" in some way I could only pin to the fact that they function in basically white societies. Just because Black Africa hasn't produced a very successful civilization as compared to Western Europeans does not mean that they won't. I don't make those kinds of conclusions.
It's hard to write about exactly how it occurred, but my thoughts were innocent, and honest. I wasn't intending to be a "white supremacist" with them- but it was honest questioning. She reacted as if I was trying to be a white supremacist, like many do on this forum. She started making the argument about how- genetically, Blacks are "more evolved" than whites, which made me mad- as I wasn't going there, and from what I understand, more evolved doesn't mean better, or worse, really. But this is what she stuck to. They were more evolved- as if I was even saying they were more or less. I was just questioning the difference, and if something made us not work as well with each other as we do ourselves, and I admit, I was seeking reasons for what might make us, and some others, the way we are, and others, the way they are, including why perhaps blacks haven't really produced societies that others want to go and live in- not that I said that, but perhaps she could see where the questions would lead.
So we broke up, but the questions were still there, and are still there. Her basically going full "liberal"- I know that word doesn't cover it, made me dig my heels in there. She would not have the honest conversation with me- we had been dating over a year and it never came up but the once- but the way she reacted reminds me a lot of the way people on here and elsewhere react when it comes to questions about differences in race. The fact that she wouldn't even approach it, and basically denied how I was framing it/insisted that I had made it about who is "more evolved"/absolutely better- so that she felt she could defend her worldview that way, I guess. It was frustrating, as this becomes here. Eventually, since she insisted that any such questioning was "white supremacist", like someone recently here who is an ostrich, I just got frustrated and gave up. The following weekend we broke up. We had a discussion about identity, and race, and after her, I realized that with her name, my exes names together- the first initials can spell the word, "Mask" (which I connected to identity/identities, and the issues I've seen since with it). But that is another story, that others may not be interested in reading right now in a post in CE and P.
But yea, sometimes I have had to dig my heels in at the absurdity of the left, and of people like her who pretend I'm arguing something I'm not/who shut down and want to shut down any real thought into such things, because it's uncomfortable. I am not saying that she made me this way- like some have said before when I shared this, but it was a point where I was, and she was there. Both of her best friends were black, also, so she may have taken it personally/felt defensive, simply. It
is a difficult subject, and it should be understandable, to have my questions, and fear of them and the reactions that I see here, aren't helpful, either, but also, if we really accept the truth of some things, I can see why people might fear the possible outcomes. Sometimes the truth might actually "poison the well", so to speak, to focus on certain truths.
I mostly use cannabis anymore. Love psychedelics. Never been much of a drinker. Smoked cigarettes for 9 years, but quit when I was 28 or so.
